1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?

(because they are plugged into a genius)

2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?

(they don't have enough time)

3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?

(they don't stop to ask directions)

4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?

(because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock)

(You're laughing, aren't you?!?!)

5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?

(so they won't hump women's legs at ****tails parties)

6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?

(you need a rough draft before you make a final copy)

7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?

(don't know.....it never happened)


And the personal favorite:

8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?

(because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)

Remember, if you haven't got a smile on your face
and laughter in your heart...Then you are just an old sour fart

Little Leroy came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner.
His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell
his mother what he wanted. "Mom, I want a bike for my birthday. " Little
Leroy was a bit of a troublemaker. He had gotten into trouble at school
and at home. Leroy's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a
bike for his birthday Little Leroy, of course, thought he did. Leroy's
mother, being a Christian woman, wanted him to reflect on his behavior
over the last year and write a letter to God and tell him why he
deserved a bike for his birthday. Little Leroy stomped up the steps to
his room and sat down to write God a letter.
LETTER 1:
Dear God:
I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my
birthday. I want a red one.
Your friend,
Leroy
Leroy knew this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy
this year, so he tore up the letter and started over.
LETTER 2:
Dear God:
This is your friend Leroy. I have been a pretty good boy this year, and
I would like a red bike for my Birthday.
Thank you,
Leroy
Leroy knew this wasn't true either. He tore up the letter and started
again.
LETTER 3:
Dear God:
I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry. I will be a
good boy if you just send me a red bike for my birthday.
Thank you,
Leroy
Leroy knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get him a
bike. By now, Leroy was very upset. He went downstairs and told his
mother he wanted to go to church.
Leroy's mother thought her plan had worked because Leroy looked very
sad. "Just be home in time for dinner," his mother said.
Leroy walked down the street to the church and up to the altar. He
looked around to see if anyone was there. He picked up a statue of the
Virgin Mary, slipped it under his shirt and ran out of the church, down
the street, into his house, and up to his room. He shut the door to his
room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen and wrote his letter
to God.
LETTER 4:
I GOT YOUR MAMA. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE.

FROM: YOU KNOW WHO!

For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack
Schitt?

We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, 'You don't
know Jack Schitt!' Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now
respond in an intellectual way.

Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the
fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep
N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack.

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply
religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla
Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt. Against
her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school
dropout. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe
Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with
them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe
Schitt Sherlock. Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they
produced a son with a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt.
Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were
inseparable
throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens
brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper
announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials. The Schitt-Happens children were
Dawg, Byrd, and Horse. Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour
the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride,
Pisa Schitt. Now when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt,' you
can
correct them.

Sincerely,
Crock O. Schitt

i like that.....i have one more though. I work retail so when i
ask are you finding everything alright today they reply yeah, and then
just as you go to walk away..oh yeah can you tell me where this is..
WTF...you just told me you were finding everything ok.