I knew even before the doctor came in
Pregnant
I was filled with joy and elation
Then the fear came creeping in
I pushed it away
Hoping this would change your violent ways
Held my head up high
Walked out the door
Walked home
Happy and over joyed
Walked in the door
You looked up
Snarling at me
"Where the hell were you whore"
That one word alone knocking me back
I stammered and stuttered like I always did
Fear stealing my words from my mouth
I start to shake and tremble
Waiting for the fist to slam into me
Nothing happens
I think its safe
I walk into the kitchen and start to make coffee
I tell you softly where I have been
Whispering the words
"I went to the doctor, I'm pregnant"
Hoping and praying all the while
That you'll soften your words and become human
Out of no where you slam me into the wall
Roaring in my face
"Get rid of it , its not mine"
I start to cry
Trying to tell you I never slept with anyone
That I was faithful
That it's your baby
You seem not to hear my words at all
Again calling me a dirty whore
Screaming and screeching
"How can we afford this, its not my baby
You will have an abortion you will do it tomorrow"
Smacking me across the face
Pulling my hair
it comes out in clumps
Raising your fist
Punching me in my face
My eye swelling
My hands shaking
I slide down to the floor
You storm out the door
I lay there for hours
Afraid to get up
I crawl to the bed and hide under the covers
Crying all the while
I hear you come in the house
Drunk as always
Stumbling and crashing around
Through the door you come
IN the mood to make love
I hurt too much to move
I am not in the mood
I tell you no
You take it any way
Telling me all the while
I am yours and you can do as you please to me
You pass out on top of me
Crushing me beneath you
I cry my self to sleep
I can't move you
You're too big
Time passes
You seem to ignore the morning sickness
I pretend you never told me to abort my baby
The beatings still happen
Over the littlest things
Publicly you act as if you can't wait
Privately you tell me how much you hate me
Beating me the whole time
Due date almost here
So big I can hardly move
You scream at me that I am fat
I am a cow
That you no longer desire me because I am so big
You never knew how much relief I felt because of that
Even now I still don't know what set you off
What angered you so
Standing in the living room
You knock me down to the floor
Again and again calling me a dirty whore
Kicking at my stomach
Stomping on my head
I curl up trying so hard to protect my child inside me
Blood running down my face
You screaming and shrieking I am a disgrace
I black out
Laying on the floor
Someone heard you that night
Called the police
I awake to being lifted to a gurney
Someone telling me its going to be ok
Brought to the ambulance
Whisked away to the hospital
So much confusion
Unsure of whats happening
Doctor leaning over me trying to calm me
Telling me that a cesarean is needed in order for us to both survive
That he needs my consent
I nod, still confused
He tells me thats good enough
I look around still confused
My momma is there crying
She comes to me and holds my hand
Whispering to me that she's here now
That I'll be ok
They drug me up
Knocking me out
Waking up many hours later
My son in the crib beside me
My head bandaged and stitched
I ache all over
And I cry
Its over..
I can't do it anymore
I don't want to die
My son needs me now more than ever
I look around
A police officer at my door
Seeing I am awake
He comes in and says I need to sign papers
I ask why
He tells me you're in jail and not getting out any time soon
Its over
Yet just beginning......

Poet ((((hugs))))

holy sh*t

poet, strong words there

that was a very good poem u need to get that published somewhere. maybe
to advertise the womens shelter or something. thats really good.

That made me angry and want to cry at the same time.


Much girl.

Tears pore from my eyes ((((Poet))))

c.c. your words touch so many different places.

(((((((((((((((( ))))))))))))))))))

G/f, I'm totaly lost for words. This one
brought tears to my eyes and grabbed my
All I can say is YOU'VE COME ALONG WAY BABY!!

Very sad Poet. I'm glad U got away from that
monster!

Thank you everyone...this was not easy to write and it took alot out of
me but the important thing to remember is that my son and I survived and
I'm here now to write about it and heal.

That was great CCP It made me cry but I'm also soooo happy you got
away.You're amazing girl! (((((hugs)))))

CCP... My tears of grief are still falling...although I
know it is over and you are so much stronger now, my heart aches over
the pain and torture that "that monster" put you through...
You are so courageous...
Stay strong and know that we are all here for you, and I for one admire
the inner stength it must have taken for you to share such an intimate
story...
Kudos girl! heart:

I don't even know what to say it is heartbreaking but i am glad you are
away from it , and yes it should be posted at a womens shelter " it is
wonderful"

Poet, That was sad,no woman should ever have to go through that.Ever,
I'm glad you can write about it now,Very touching.

sweetie that touched my heart..ur so strong and brave to write about
it..im so glad u and ur son survied that sorry piece of ****...i wish u
the best of luck..

Miss Poet, through your HEART and SOUL of living, SO MANY here
can SEE through YOUR eyes and live YOUR pain by the way YOU write about
YOUR life's past and GIRLFRIEND, "THAT" is an art that few will ever
have!!!!!!
GOD blessed YOU with the ability to SHOW LIFE by your ever heart felt
stories!!!!!!! HUGS and always PRAYERS for YOU!!!

ccp, even though it needs to be brought to light, please don't write
that. that is not a real man. it's a coward pretending to be a man.it
was scary to me.brought chills up my spine.

I can only say how deeply the pain goes. This was very hard for me to
read, that type of pain should never be felt. I am very happy you have
survived your ordeals. You will always be in my prayers.

:)

G

it is good that you let go the pains of your past,
and heal in your writing...

my prayers go to you...

Oh, CCP, my heart goes out to you. This must have been extremely
painful for you to write...to have to relive all of those horrible
memories. I commend you for your inner strength and bravery. God
Bless You!