10. When you try to fondle women you see on TV, you bust the screen.

9. Lack of violence on most shows sends wrong message to kids.

8. Why doesn't the Skipper ever bite off Gilligan's ear?

7. If you see commercial for something on TV and yell, "I want that!" it doesn't instantly materialize before
you.

6. CBS rejected his idea for new show: "Cold Cocked By An Angel."

5. "Martha Stewart Living" is only an hour long.

4. Why won't Miss America contestants date me?

3. "Hollywood Squares" is back on TV and my phone has not rung once.

2. I'm told I can "Win Ben Stein's Money" when I'd much prefer to "Kick Ben Stein's Ass."

1. Thought "Beverly Hills 90210" was the name of new female inmate.

6. CBS rejected his idea for new show: "Cold Cocked By An Angel."