I've "met" so many quality people here. If I were married and still had these people, I'd make sure my profile was updated to reflect I was married, NOT LOOKING for anything, anyone else in the relationship, and behave on the forums and chat. If people didn't respect me or the relationship, they could not be my friend.

On the other hand, WHAT IF YOUR MATE did not want you on the site anymore, flat out was against it? If it's what made them more comfortable in the relationship, would you cut off the site? Maybe not even a jealous mate, but a mate who was emphatic nonetheless about stopping use of this site even for friends?

I guess I would do it. I'd ask if there were certain people I could continue to relate with in another venue, like the female friends I'd made.

Nobody tells me what to do.

I am gonna be single forever!

Mostly I feel this way, too. However, while I am not jealous, I am certainly protective, even territorial. Aside from the boredom relieved by posting to the forums and interacting with others; aside from what I learn about myself and human nature in the process, that is perhaps why I linger.

Once burnt, twice shy.

Here is the other thing. I haven't found any dates, or had any guys contact me that want to date me, in the entire six months I have been on here. Why would it suddenly become a problem if I got married? It's not like I am online flirting with guys and turning down dates - I am talking to my friends.

Anyone who wanted to take that away from me would be a controlling azzzhole.

I have met someone here at one time and I just simply left here,,why,,because I was content with showing HER my FULL interests and so she would know I had no other interest on here..
I love alot of my friends here and they are friends for life,,They know my email and my phone number,,but to say I will ALWAYS be on this or any sight if I find a life partner,,hell no,,because WHY? Why would I want to live here and be seen where a lady still mite hit on me when I have already found the one I want to share my everything with..

Many couples who I know have met on these pages and MANY have split up after the other-one was found to be flirting still on this site or others....SO,,to me and to NOT give THAT possiabily to form or think,,,yes,,I could leave here tomorrow if I felt I found love or the possibility of if a life long romance....

Only problem is, people have sex at all times of the day, not just bedtime. And, people travel for work. People also stay up chatting on the computer after their partners or spouses go to bed. Maybe some of these things have happened to me. Maybe they haven't. Hope some of them never do.

I watched the movie "When Harry Met Sally". I am of the mind that women and men cannot be purely platonic friends, especially once they have touched hands, skin on skin. One or the other is always hoping for something more. That is why I feel it is best for coupled, monogamous people to socialize together most of the time. Not all of the time, but most of the time.

"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."

Historically, most societies of the have not been monogamous outside of the western world.
What is realistic to expect from others and from ourselves?

Many of us live in denial. I try not to.

I alternate between being protective and wanting to let go. We can't "cage" or "control" another person's body or affections. It has to be mutually consensual to mean anything real. I take no value in someone who doesn't value me or the relationship enough to maintain agreements, contracts, or vows. Choose whichever works best for you.

You know, if they do it to you and they have a strong history of it - they will most certainly keep doing it to others.

yes, I think it really depends on what you are here for. I am not trolling these forums looking for dates or people to flirt with.

I am looking for friends. That would not change if were married. Nobody is getting 100% of my attention anyway; I have a job, a child, and other friends as well. So I am going to hold on to the things that make me happy and the things that make me me. Someone who is going to require 100% of my attention is going to spend a lot of time pining away. I need a man who has a life and who understands that I have one too.

And Terry, women could hit on you at work, at the park, in the grocery store, anywhere. It's your reaction to it that matters; and if you are committed to your relationship, no one can sway you.

Wow, how did you manage over 12,000 posts in only 6 months?

I cannot believe you haven't had anyone approach you in all that time. Surely you must be exaggerating? If not, I wonder how that could possibly be.

I get emails and offers for dates whether I say I am taken or not. Hell, I have even said that my significant other is moving in next week and we are talking marriage within the year and men still write to me. It doesn't matter whether my profile says "friends only" or "seeking relationship/marriage".

BTW, the headline I have was changed to "seeking relationship" because it is meant for my partner's eyes. Having "seeking male for friendship", to me, felt too much like sneaking behind his back. Just me. Your mileage may vary.

Ha, I think I take offense!

I resemble that remark.

Exactly.

How would one of us feel if our group of female friends suddenly said we were no longer welcome to an occasional dinner out with the girls, just because we started living with someone or became married?

Or, if the guys said we were no longer welcome to have dinner out and a few beers for the same reason.

Provided these little gatherings didn't include meeting, contact, or any other funny business with the opposite sex, however!

And Terry, women could hit on you at work, at the park, in the grocery store, anywhere. It's your reaction to it that matters; and if you are committed to your relationship, no one can sway you.

This is true,lol, but then I say if your happy with a partner
you BOTH will come to find-out that ANY free time you both have will be spent enjoying each other as to learning,sharing,and loving all your new adventures or just a new movie to share together...and for two working people it is TUFF to find mutual free time,wink,,,so ANY is GREAT to use with the other...

But hey,,this is just my thoughts and my way of thinking,,it will never be the ONLY way to share a relationship...wink..

well I think after a while it gets old for them and they move on to other things in life...but it's nice when they first get married to see them interchange on a site like this ..

You are young and attractive.

Come back if you get old and fat and see how you do.

Good points.

I try to mention my partner as much as I can to show that we are a couple and not available. Out of consideration for me, he participates much less in the forums these days.

I think it is a good idea to post a couples' pic, but I know many others on sites that started out like this one and have a similar format that maintain both a couples' profile and a single profile. Not sure why, but it is above board and there is nothing sinister about it.

Hmm, I have mixed feelings about the always talking as one. I think it might take away too much from each person's individuality and personality. However, I understand completely why you mention it.

As for being online at the same time or not. Again, it would depend on issues such as trust and why the person was still using the site. It would also depend on personal integrity and honesty. Really hard to answer.

Let me just simply say this to sume-up..lol
I have NO SECRETS from my partner in this life!
And to show that at any time, would be SIMPLE..wink..

WHY, would I want to consider MY ANYTHING??? AS private from her?? IF we have comitted to life together??
We don't HAVE TO share all that we do or say,,with others,,ok,,,BUT,,we shouldn't EVER be affrid of those words..
as mine would never be worried about to their perseptions...

I don't call 42 young anymore and yes, currently....I have too much weight on. It doesn't stop people smiling at me on the street though. It has a lot to do with how we feel about ourselves. Cherish the person you are inside, know that you have beauty and value within. Smile and make eye contact that says, "you matter. I like you and care about you as a human being", The inner beauty will shine through and I PROMISE the right people will start noticing.

Be well.

Agreed. Well said.

I think some people envision coupledom as being sort of a two- headed creature that moves and thinks and acts together.

My slant on coupledowm is two individuals who have their own lives and who complement each other. They have no need to control every action of the other person, or even to be involved in it, because there is trust and respect.

If I have to become a siamese twin, I would rather die single.

Well said

thank kind of stuff is hard to do online; in person, I am the life of the party- I talk to eveyone and make them all laugh. I am no shrinking violet.I have an attractive personality.

I was talking about on here..you asked why I don't get offers for dates and I told you. It has nothing to do with the way I feel about myself - I think I am fabulous. But being overweight and over 50 does not bring loads of suitors to your door.