So been reading a book called The Encyclopedia of Dead Rock Stars ( I know, I'm kinda morbid) and the obit on Janis Joplin has a quote by her "Don't compromise yourself-you're all you got" Which got me to thinking (ah oh), when you are dating someone do you make compromises, say they dress a little more conservately than you're used to so you wear a nice shirt and chinos instead of the usual t-shirt and jeans, or they like horror movies and you don't but you find yourself watching them, how far are you willing to "bend"?

I think it is fine to bend on the small stuff.
I would never compromise on my principles.

I don't think those little things are compromising. You can't have it all your way. It is good to be giving. You end up getting more in return. Principles stay true to yourself. And then there are things you just can't live with they drag you down that is whole nother story. Just don't settle

Well, first: I've never really been on what I would consider a date. (In case you are interested, to me a "date" is a meeting with a person that I have not already shagged for the express purpose of determining whether that person and I could reasonably entertain ideas of a relationship... er, or shagging.) I might have been on something like a date once in my life, when a neighbor that had moved in across the street asked me out to dinner and even though I didn't know him, I went--but I had already decided on the "shag/not shag" question BEFORE I accepted the dinner invitation, so to my mind it wasn't really a "date" since there was like absolutely NO WAY.

Anyway: As far as getting someone I'm interested in to like me... well, I don't think it really is a "compromise" per se if I learn more about that person's particular interests and history just so I will have a better chance of him thinking that I'm really cool, and run less of a risk of offending him.

I won't, however, pretend to be a different person just to impress someone. That seems crazy to me. I won't, for example, run out and buy all new clothes just to make a guy notice me. I won't try to act or look "more conservative" or "more retro" or "more motherly" or "more bikerly" just for another person--if I was to do any of those things, it would only be for my own (temporary, short-lived) amusement, right?

Chances are very slim that I would ever actually want to go on a date with someone I felt like I had to impress or front to anyway. I mean, you can only keep up an act for so long! If you went out and bought more conservative clothes and got a more conservative hairstyle to try to impress someone you liked, and your act SUCCEEDED (second date, third date, whatever happens after that like I know yeah right, and so on, up to talk about moving in I guess? or whatever?)--what happens after that? Wouldn't it be kinda... stressful?

It might be fun to pretend to be a totally different person at a party, or in a strange town, but when we're talking months or years, then: No, just no! (lol!)

I hope this was helpful. yours in Chaos, Scarlett

I look at it like any other "goal" that I might have in life. Is the relationship more important to me than the thing in question?

For example, I've never had a big concern about hairstyles, so I tend to wear my hair however the lady in my life likes it best. Same with clothing styles to a certain extent. But I wouldn't be willing to change my whole look into something that made me feel uncomfortable, or renouce my religious beliefs, in order to start or keep a relationship.

Thanks for the input Scarlet but I didn't post that because I was wanting advice. I already how far I am willing to "compromise" I just put that out there to give people something to think about other than "threadstoppers" and the like.

I realize that you weren't looking for advice. I was using the editorial "you" and not talking to you personally. xoxo

No offense taken Scarlet, I like to hear everyone's opinions and viewpoints XOXO

Which kind of reminds me of the time my ex husband said he wanted me to grow my hair as long as Chyrstal Gayle (remember her?) so I said I would as soon as he got his nose and nipples pierced, that's a compromise right? That shut him up for a while.

Compromising principles or your self-respect/self-worth is not okay.

Trying to accomodate life choices is fine...but it's got to be a win-win, meaning nobody gets their way ALL the time!

Give & Take, is how we all get by in this world.
I will "compromise" on many subjects, but there are also those where there is no room for modifications. This includes relationships, there are just places I stand rooted to the ground.

I stand pretty solid on my principles but the little things like wearing a skirt on a date or fixing a special meal that might not be my favorite is not a problem. I think no two people are ever going to be on the same page on everything so there is a certain amount of give and take I would be willing to invest for a good relationship.