100% FREE ONLINE DATING
sponsored links
| Topic: Paragraph format | |
|---|---|
|
|
|
Deep in my mind.
Where am I today, I’ve gotten myself lost again. It seems so dark in this place. Dark and cold here, yet somehow it’s still home here, just like it was last time. You see, I get lost here a lot, and you’d think that would mean I could find my way home easier. Really though, who cares? I know I’ll find my way back just as I always do. Where will I go tonight on my lost journey? I think it’ll be the beach. Just try and escape to the sandy shores. Trouble is… Well the waves, I’ve never seen them crash in like this. They just keep enveloping me in their icy grip. What sort of beach is this? With it’s black sand under this blood moon. I have to get away from here. Storms raging in this sea have me running and flailing in this quicksand beach. I think I’m free from that misery, just for a moment I hope. I’ll just keep traveling; eventually I’ve got to find my way back. Somewhere in all this confusion there’s a path I’ve traveled a thousand times before this night. Time and time again, I search for my old footprints to follow. They’re nowhere in sight tonight. I can shake this, I’ll just go to my forest I’m always safest there. The tranquility rocks my body like a jolt. My ears almost ringing from the fast embrace, I can breath. No…No…not my woods, not them too. I see them turning and twisting before me. Helpless agony running it’s fiery fury through my veins. Why this place too. My safety gone in a blink as I’m tangled up in the jagged thorns of this horrid place. My own screams sounding haunted and hallow, as if it wasn’t even my own voice. I can’t even recognize myself here. I regress, shivering now, the fire drained from my veins. The icy grip around my throat tightens, I can’t even breath now. My chest pounds along with the searing pain in my head. Why can’t I escape tonight…? -------------------------------------- Notes: First time I've publicly posted this work Does the paragraph style work? Feedback welcomed. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
our minds create this hell and also have the vision to create a heaven if only for a moment
 thanks for posting and welcome 
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I liked this write. Life, dreams and feelings displayed within the repetitive motions caught up within the mind. I think this paragraph style worked rather well.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Deep in my mind. Where am I today, I’ve gotten myself lost again. It seems so dark in this place. Dark and cold here, yet somehow it’s still home here, just like it was last time. You see, I get lost here a lot, and you’d think that would mean I could find my way home easier. Really though, who cares? I know I’ll find my way back just as I always do. Where will I go tonight on my lost journey? I think it’ll be the beach. Just try and escape to the sandy shores. Trouble is… Well the waves, I’ve never seen them crash in like this. They just keep enveloping me in their icy grip. What sort of beach is this? With it’s black sand under this blood moon. I have to get away from here. Storms raging in this sea have me running and flailing in this quicksand beach. I think I’m free from that misery, just for a moment I hope. I’ll just keep traveling; eventually I’ve got to find my way back. Somewhere in all this confusion there’s a path I’ve traveled a thousand times before this night. Time and time again, I search for my old footprints to follow. They’re nowhere in sight tonight. I can shake this, I’ll just go to my forest I’m always safest there. The tranquility rocks my body like a jolt. My ears almost ringing from the fast embrace, I can breath. No…No…not my woods, not them too. I see them turning and twisting before me. Helpless agony running it’s fiery fury through my veins. Why this place too. My safety gone in a blink as I’m tangled up in the jagged thorns of this horrid place. My own screams sounding haunted and hallow, as if it wasn’t even my own voice. I can’t even recognize myself here. I regress, shivering now, the fire drained from my veins. The icy grip around my throat tightens, I can’t even breath now. My chest pounds along with the searing pain in my head. Why can’t I escape tonight…? -------------------------------------- Notes: First time I've publicly posted this work Does the paragraph style work? Feedback welcomed. Personally, I'd justify all the paragraphs and rethink where some of your paragraphs break. While the content is interesting, putting distracting breaks in where they are not needed can break the flow of a good visual. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I think you have a lot of talent. There is something I should of learned a long time ago, which I am just recently learning, regarding form, rhythmn of pieces, line breaks,etc..., that what I use, I feel inspired to use. Rewrite it a few times, with the same inspired feeling when you first wrote it. The format which is right for your work, you'll know it, you'll feel it.
peace |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Hi All,
Thank you each for the support and feedback. I will take a look at the breaks and try rewrites of this same piece and hopefully try a version 2.0 lol =p |
|
|
|
|
