Not jsut a precursor of lack of trust issues.

A precursor of control and abuse issues.

I'd be angry at myself for not taking more time to really get to know them before I ever agreed and commited to such a selfish arrangment.

Yes, I don't do casual sex, sorry just don't think that way.

Oh, I'm sure the weight of a sham relationship would weigh me down eventually, but and I say this with all honesty, I think I'd take it even though it would end in disaster later. Now I have infinate patience, so I'll take a lot before I give up even in vain hope.

But trust me, when a decade rolls by and you haven't gotten so much as a hug from someone (who wasn't your mom or grandma), you'll take anything, even if its bad.

Sometimes we know and we make the wrong choices anyway. Hopefully we eventually learn.

Yep. Most likely for a while. But self blame and shame can be so destructive to the human spirit. There comes a time to move on and learn from our mistakes.

Trust me, I wasn't too far behind you.

It still doesn't make it worth it. Not if it destroys your body, mind and spirit in the process.

Nothing is worth that.

I don't know, anyone spends enough time without human affection will also have horrible side effects. Take me for example, I'm a lot angrier person than I used to be. Self doubt creeps in constantly now, which has been setting the roots of depression. Trust me, being alone with my high morals isn't exactly helpful either.

Sometimes, and I know women hate hearing this, a short term bad relationship is what we need. Something that gives us just a small window where we feel wanted, maybe even needed. Everyone needs to feel that.

Now I know some folks have people to fill those needs, for example a lot of people here probably have kids, and they get that unconditional love only a child can give. But not everyone has an source for such things. So, yes a bad relationship can be a good thing, even brace the spirit and mind, but if your doing it right, body damage will happen either way.

I think it was Eleanor Roosevelt who said "No one can hurt me, unless I allow them" or something to that same effect. I believe this also and I'd much rather be alone than be with someone who doesn't respect or care about my feelings. In Eric Fromm's "The Art Of Loving" he defines love as "100% care and concern for the other's spiritual welfare". To me, anything less is co-dependence.

Anger, self doubt, and depression? A bad relationship is probably the worst thing for you.

Oh, I can totally empathize with much of what you say. I understand "failure to thrive" for lack of touch all too well.

I understand short term. But, I don't get why it has to be bad. You can choose a healthy short term one to get you through, provided there is full disclosure and mutual consent; provided each person keeps their word. Although I know that's hard to do when romance/sex is involved and it can become a virtual minefield.

I always thought a parent's love was unconditional. A child's isn't. Maybe a puppy or dog's love is unconditional. I don't know of many other sources of love that are unconditional.

But, I get where you are coming from. And, I get what it means to be in a "caretaker" role....and all of the things that come with it, that it can color, and lead to. Some positive, some not. We do our best with what we have to work with in the moment. ....With a little help from friends.

And yes, body damage does happen, either way.

I don't know, the last one I was in was a good one, at look where that got me.

Wonderful, inspirational quotes. Thank you.

You're very much welcome. Pearls of wisdom like that inspire me also, and I can sense that your postings and responses are sincere. I appreciate that, and find wisdom in the conversations and dialog that you provoke.

If it was good why aren't you still in it? And do you think your anger, self doubt, depression, helps or hurts you in a relationship? And do you think those things are affecting your choices in who you have a relationship with?

If a female ever said that to me I'd laugh in her face and walk away.

I'd say "B-I-N-G-O!"

Of course they impact on our choices. So, to change the choices we make, we need to do something about those toxic feelings and depression.

You wouldn't feel compassion or caring for her for feeling so insecure, huh?