When I stop and think about the merits of being a parent, I seem to
always wonder how I can improve on be so. Does it make sense to give up
my own morals to ease tensions with the ex? I am a single dad of 2
girls ages 3 and 7. I went through hell, but the battle was well worth
it. I would do that battle all again to be with my kids. SO what makes
a good parent? Is it possible that a child could be raised right with
different sets of moral and values rules etc...

Anyways looking forward to hearing others views...

I think if you want things to work you have to move beyond the divorce
battle and start to show a united front.I have not been sucessful at
this mainly because my ex is in to mind games but if you want happy kids
who arent in the middle let the little things go.find a happy
medium.Your wife must have had some morals and good judgement or you
would not have started a family with her.JMO

if you have a fight with her try not to infront of the kids thats hard
on them. i am a single mom and i find it hard.

I have had some of the same problems with my ex. I hate to fight with
him anyways but he pushes his limits with our son, not in a bad way
though. I found out after many fights that the calmer you are the more
angry they are going to get, Now I do not make him mad on purpose. I
chose to stay calm and bit my touge no matter what he said, and Ill be
blue in the face if the fighting stopped all together. It was amazing,
my parents told me it would work, but I didnt really believe them at
first. Now I thank them everyday for telling me that, and GOD for
helping me to be strong enough to not fight with him over anything.

Good or Bad there comes a time when a parent needs to go beyond
themselvews and look at the affet on the chid(ren), keeping an open
communication and explainging to the adolescent(ce)that they have
options-Choices or for tha matter what they mean?? people these days
assume that children know what a choice is but dont expand the length of
a choice!!! where it will take you and how far it will last and YES I
chosethose words carefully, please remember that children are in the
moment so if you can catch aglimpse of it with an open mind than its a
start. please keepn mind this is coming from an adult that has made poor
choices in her life and can honestly admit she was wrong!! First step-I
want to give back to the youth and the parents with my wisdom and
experiences. Parentas are not always right! keep it on the real and
you'll get a lot furthwer with your children, they are now protecting
the parent instead of the other way around in our society today........
lol Bliss

what kind of person takes a baby away from their mother? You remind me
of my kids dad. Custody battles that continue to rage on and simply this
is just the only way LEFT for this arsehole to abuse ME. THRU FAMILY
COURT. What are you asking about MORALS here sweetpea? Dating and
dragging women home for S$X? If you are serious about being a GOOD
PARENT you better start by setting YOUR ANGER WITH YOUR EXWIFE ASIDE.
NOTHING will change until YOU DO. Personally if i was on a date with you
and heard you say what you wrote here that would be my last date with
YOU. I am so disgusted seeing abusive men and even WOMEN (being fair to
all here) obtain custody and then use the wee ones as WEAPONS to hurt
YOUR EX. SHAME ON YOU.

"what kind of person takes a baby away from their mother? You remind me
of my kids dad. Custody battles that continue to rage on and simply this
is just the only way LEFT for this arsehole to abuse ME. THRU FAMILY
COURT. What are you asking about MORALS here sweetpea? Dating and
dragging women home for S$X? If you are serious about being a GOOD
PARENT you better start by setting YOUR ANGER WITH YOUR EXWIFE ASIDE.
NOTHING will change until YOU DO. Personally if i was on a date with you
and heard you say what you wrote here that would be my last date with
YOU. I am so disgusted seeing abusive men and even WOMEN (being fair to
all here) obtain custody and then use the wee ones as WEAPONS to hurt
YOUR EX. SHAME ON YOU. "

barbie, what the &^%$ was this all about? Not once did luvu4ever talk
about anything in your post. I have not looked at his profile, but in
the post he did not once mention anything about any of what you said.
He DID ask if it was possible to raise a good child with different
morals other than your own.

And as far as taking a child from their mother? I DID!!!!! AND I WOULD
DO IT AGAIN IN A HEARTBEAT UNDER THE SAME CIRCUMSTANCES!!!!! My ex has
sever bipolar, Schizophrenia, and ha sissues with self-mutilation. She
is also passive suicidal. Everything I just mentioned has been
diagnosed and signed off on andw as presented to the judge as referance
to why she shouhld not have any parental RIGHTS whatsoever. She does
have supervised visitation by me which I had to ask the judge to give
her, cause he wasnt going to (in case heaven forbid something ever
happen to me, this way she could continue to see the kids while
supervised). She ahs cut herself in front of the children. I have had
to rush her to the er for doing so and explain to the kids that their
mommy is sick and confused when tehy asked why she hurt herself. So
"what kind of person takes a baby away from their mother?" PLEASE do
NOT go there again.

Wow
Glad i get along with my ex.

I say be civil it is was is best for the children. Avoid courts and
battles if you can.

you're luck, pucks...

far as my situation goes, there is no getting along. he's nowhere near
adult, or responsible... and when crossed violent.

I will not fight with him. And, he as temper tantrums when he doesn't
get his way...

there came a day when he was violent a few years back, and I caught
myself telling the kids (17 and 13) at the time... "I duuno. Dad is not
okay right now, and he is having problems..." when they cried, and asked
why Dad was being so mean...

I then saw they SEE how I allowed him to be that way, and explained it
away...

How could they feel okay in an atmosphere like that when the only person
they could turn to was Me, and I made excuses for his violence.

Wake up call.

I still did try and do all the right thngs.

It doesn't always work.

Emotionalturbulence,

i realize that some times you cannot get along. I just think in many
situations it can be done. Emotions take over (hurt, revenge, anger,
etc) and the couples scrap, be immature and uncivil. Its a shame for the
children involved.

In those cases where the ex is unreasonable or abusive (emotionally or
physically) then i totally understand you cannot get along. Then the
courts are needed.

you got it.

I see it all the time, too.

I have zero tolerance for folks whom do this, too.

I was very fortunate to have things taken care of, and him not fighting
in court. He was told some things by the judge he didn't want to hear...
so, he was very hard to deal with afterwards At least until he got his
mind off us and into his new marraige, lol.

Terrible as it is, they both effectively got rid of both kids...

I still think they deserve to know him. if it isn't the ideal, that's ok
too. they're old enough to make choices... and, I remember having none
as a child, so I wouldn't do that to them.

Now, that doesn't mean I don't feel like kicking his ass at times...

although my ex husband and i could not live together, we both love our
kids dearly. and i think that because we both want them to be happy,
healthy and successful individuals, we make sure that they come first
and not what we feel towards eachother... keeping your childrens best
interests in mind, loving your children, and educating your children is
what makes you a good parent... thats what i think
anyway...

I believe it is entirely possible to raise happy healthy children with
two diffrent sets of morals providing hey are not at complete odds with
each other. Find a middle ground and go from there. You have to agree on
the core beliefs and each instill and enforce them in the absence of the
other parent. Of course i'm speaking of this as a wish for my own
children as me and my ex are embroiled in a bitter custody battle due to
the fact my ex does not want to pay for his children. thats another
story for a another day.LOL

I so wanted to have that with thier Dad...hell, even him showing up
woulda been nice...
I have to say, though. At least for my daughter, I tel her the truth.
He may never be what you want from him. And, if you can learn to accept
all that comes with, then ok. Either way I support her.

just isn't meant to be. so, we do the best we can, yes?

my ex and i get along wonderfully...i have full custody, and he has
visitation that he never takes. he doesn't call, write, or care...and
sees them on christmas. no fights, no arguments...

same here... my ex just still tries to play head games with eric and
sarah...

I left it all open with the idea he would understand the importance of
his kids... I can do nothing more, and don't have to.
I got to where the visit days where one more game, and we'd wait
all day long, and no show...

he was told to stop that, and the importance of being there for them by
the judge...

nope. some just don't care, and never change.

damned sad.

I feel the need to clearify some things here, my questions was one
about morals and values, I get along great with my ex there was never
any violence bad mouthing or throwing dirt.

Morals and values are like having two different house kids can call
home. Some have the same rules other dont, its all about love,
choices, and chances...