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| Topic: why woul there be people in a relationship on here? | |
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hi shoes monkey...ur right...its nice to chat with just friends sometime...
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inaly, I'm not talking about anyone dictating anything. I'm talking about respecting the thoughts and feelings of your partner. I'm sorry if that's to large a concept for you to grasp. and if your partner doesn't mind your being on the site (or a similar one)? It wouldn't matter to me. Things like ceasing activity on a dating site are things I would do of my own volition out of respect. Besides that, it has been my experience that when someone goes as far as to bring a topic up and concludes with "I don't mind", they actually do mind on some level. you just do whatever works for you just don't try to project what works for you onto my girlfriend. She can do any thing she pleases without needing me to approve or give permission. Maybe it's a difference in levels of security but she has my support and backing in ANYTHING she wants to do I don't get why this is so hard for people to understand. I'm not talking about one person limiting anothers actions. I'm talking about one person making thier own free choice to refrain from certain actions out of respect for another. If my partner were to ask me to stop doing something I retain my own free will. I decide whether her request is reasonable and whether I will comply. There is no forcing, there is no dictating. I don't see why so many feel threatened by the concept of respect. Yet will go on and on about trust. When the bottom line is trust requires respect. If someone has no respect for you then they cannot be trusted. They are two sides to the same coin. |
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inaly, I'm not talking about anyone dictating anything. I'm talking about respecting the thoughts and feelings of your partner. I'm sorry if that's to large a concept for you to grasp. and if your partner doesn't mind your being on the site (or a similar one)? It wouldn't matter to me. Things like ceasing activity on a dating site are things I would do of my own volition out of respect. Besides that, it has been my experience that when someone goes as far as to bring a topic up and concludes with "I don't mind", they actually do mind on some level. you just do whatever works for you just don't try to project what works for you onto my girlfriend. She can do any thing she pleases without needing me to approve or give permission. Maybe it's a difference in levels of security but she has my support and backing in ANYTHING she wants to do I don't get why this is so hard for people to understand. I'm not talking about one person limiting anothers actions. I'm talking about one person making thier own free choice to refrain from certain actions out of respect for another. If my partner were to ask me to stop doing something I retain my own free will. I decide whether her request is reasonable and whether I will comply. There is no forcing, there is no dictating. I don't see why so many feel threatened by the concept of respect. Yet will go on and on about trust. When the bottom line is trust requires respect. If someone has no respect for you then they cannot be trusted. They are two sides to the same coin. Okay, I'll be different (as usual) and agree with you, sortof. I can totally respect your right to stop doing something your partner asked you to do, if that's what YOU want to do. As a free citizen, you have every right to do that. I think what most people- myself included- didn't really understand is WHY you'd let someone influence you that way. But it's none of our business really. As long as you're okay with it, great for you. I'm a firm believer in everyone having their own way as long as no one gets hurt. I have a friend I've known over 20 years and since she moved in with her bf, none of us see her or hear from her anymore. We're not sure if it's her choice or his requirement, but the end result is the same; she's cut herself off from good friends and is instead, tying herself up to him and HIS friends and HIS family. But again, that's HER choice. The only thing is, when the relationship ends- before you say yours will last forever, let me amend that and say IF the relationship ends- who will you have to go to if you've let her cut you off from your friends, whether online or in "real life?" I still say it comes down to trust; if your SO trusted you she'd have no reason to ask you to cut yourself off from anyone. By going along with her request/demand/whatever it is, you're basically saying, "yes honey, you can't trust me to be friends with this person, so i'll end it. you have every right to be paranoid/insecure/controlling so i'll just give in to you." I'm going to abandon this thread too, I do that when I think I've hit a brick wall, you're going to do what you want anyway, I just hope it works out for you and the person is totally worth it. 
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