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| Topic: why woul there be people in a relationship on here? | |
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However, if she asked me to stop socializing with the opposite sex I can respect that. really? so the cashier at the grocery store? you'd stop talking with her as you pay the lady who cuts your hair? you'd leave her to go to the barber down the street your co-worker? you'd ignore her because your partner didn't want you to socialize with the opposite sex can anyone say 'nice guy'? "shrug" Cashiers, stylists, co-workers? These are business transactions, not social events. I generally don't speak to these people beyond what is necessary to facilitate said transactions. Now if I found one of the above to be attractive and receptive, yes I would 'socialize' with them. However, as should be clear if I were already 'involved' I would not. Some people are socialy dependant, I am not. I live alone, I have a few close friends. I long for a more intimate relashionship. I don't get off on being a socialite. Frankly, I find the 'nobody is going to tell me what to do' response quite child-like. But hey, whatever gets you off. You're missing the point. ANY verbiage between people is defined as socialization. An "event" is not necessary. You say you "live alone and don't get out much" (excuse the paraphrase). Are you seriously trying to get me or anyone else on this board to believe that just because of that, you'd be willing to give up any friends you may already have in favor of being with one person? If so, you CLEARLY do not know me, or any of the other people on here who "lives alone and doesn't get out much." The biggest difference between you and I is, you "long for a more intimate realtionship". I can take it or leave it. Sure, it might be nice, but I'm certainly never going to have one at the expense of letting anybody dictate to me who I can and cannot fraternize with. So, childlike as you may personally find it, nobody IS going to tell me what to do, insomuch as my personal fraternizations go. I'll talk to, hang out with, and socialize with whomever I damn well please. But hey, whatever gets you off. Perhaps you should read my earlier post where I state that I would not leave friends for someone. No, just talking to someone through the course of normal business or being polite in passing is not socializing, you damn well know what I mean. We don't need to start arguing about 'technically this' and 'technically that' (add random dictionary definitions here) and (correct spelling there), it gets old fast. I never said I don't get out much. The point of that was to say I'm not a social whore. I get out plenty, but I do my own thing. I don't need to be with a group of people to feel secure. Finaly, I'm not talking about anyone dictating anything. I'm talking about respecting the thoughts and feelings of your partner. I'm sorry if that's to large a concept for you to grasp. |
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Here's the thing.. If it's in their profile (as it is mine) that a person is just here for friends, why on earth would you try to contact them for anything more than friends? The site is names "Mingle" which means to socialize and communicate NOT fornicate, ergo you can be here for dating or the forums and your friends. I don't see why it's just a big deal.. Given a chance, you'd meet a lot of great people here, laugh till your belly hurt and tears ran down your face and quite possibly find the love of your life... This is the best site I've ever been on and I've tried a few for dating and just socializing... I'm dating someone and he doesn't care that I'm on here, it was here before he was and he knows that I've made a ton of friends that I absolutely adore... He won't give me an ultimatum b/c it's about trust and getting the person you're with, not your insecurities...
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inaly, I'm not talking about anyone dictating anything. I'm talking about respecting the thoughts and feelings of your partner. I'm sorry if that's to large a concept for you to grasp. and if your partner doesn't mind your being on the site (or a similar one)? |
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However, if she asked me to stop socializing with the opposite sex I can respect that. really? so the cashier at the grocery store? you'd stop talking with her as you pay the lady who cuts your hair? you'd leave her to go to the barber down the street your co-worker? you'd ignore her because your partner didn't want you to socialize with the opposite sex can anyone say 'nice guy'? "shrug" Cashiers, stylists, co-workers? These are business transactions, not social events. I generally don't speak to these people beyond what is necessary to facilitate said transactions. Now if I found one of the above to be attractive and receptive, yes I would 'socialize' with them. However, as should be clear if I were already 'involved' I would not. Some people are socialy dependant, I am not. I live alone, I have a few close friends. I long for a more intimate relashionship. I don't get off on being a socialite. Frankly, I find the 'nobody is going to tell me what to do' response quite child-like. But hey, whatever gets you off. You're missing the point. ANY verbiage between people is defined as socialization. An "event" is not necessary. You say you "live alone and don't get out much" (excuse the paraphrase). Are you seriously trying to get me or anyone else on this board to believe that just because of that, you'd be willing to give up any friends you may already have in favor of being with one person? If so, you CLEARLY do not know me, or any of the other people on here who "lives alone and doesn't get out much." The biggest difference between you and I is, you "long for a more intimate realtionship". I can take it or leave it. Sure, it might be nice, but I'm certainly never going to have one at the expense of letting anybody dictate to me who I can and cannot fraternize with. So, childlike as you may personally find it, nobody IS going to tell me what to do, insomuch as my personal fraternizations go. I'll talk to, hang out with, and socialize with whomever I damn well please. But hey, whatever gets you off. Perhaps you should read my earlier post where I state that I would not leave friends for someone. No, just talking to someone through the course of normal business or being polite in passing is not socializing, you damn well know what I mean. We don't need to start arguing about 'technically this' and 'technically that' (add random dictionary definitions here) and (correct spelling there), it gets old fast. I never said I don't get out much. The point of that was to say I'm not a social whore. I get out plenty, but I do my own thing. I don't need to be with a group of people to feel secure. Finaly, I'm not talking about anyone dictating anything. I'm talking about respecting the thoughts and feelings of your partner. I'm sorry if that's to large a concept for you to grasp. Why do I hear the sound of a whip cracking? |
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Well I see nothing wrong with you being on the site and you got someone just update your info to say so. It is rather decieveing to say you are looking for a relationship when you got one. This is a deception that makes me question your intentions. Put on your profile hey I got a wonderful relationship going and could use some friend only people. I just hate the fact that a person puts oh I'm looking for a man ect. ect. e-mails back and forth for a while and all of a sudden has a long relationship with someone else. If you don't like a person say so it's the internet who cares. It is a free country just try to be thoughtful of a person and let them be the judge of wheather or not they would waste their time. I got friends already and can always use more but I'm on here for a life partner. I got better things to do than to be here blogging or wasteing my time on a taken woman.
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Well I see nothing wrong with you being on the site and you got someone just update your info to say so. It is rather decieveing to say you are looking for a relationship when you got one. This is a deception that makes me question your intentions. Put on your profile hey I got a wonderful relationship going and could use some friend only people. I just hate the fact that a person puts oh I'm looking for a man ect. ect. e-mails back and forth for a while and all of a sudden has a long relationship with someone else. If you don't like a person say so it's the internet who cares. It is a free country just try to be thoughtful of a person and let them be the judge of wheather or not they would waste their time. I got friends already and can always use more but I'm on here for a life partner. I got better things to do than to be here blogging or wasteing my time on a taken woman. I agree about misleading people. But if someone clearly states they're in a relationship- or just not interested- it shouldn't be a big deal. But it still comes down to people reading profiles, mine says I'm here for friends and I still get stupid emails wanting more. |
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wow. i reactivated my account just for this post.
i am a happily taken woman, i met my bf here, and have been dating him for almost a year. (only 13 more days till our anniversary  ) he has an account here as well, as i met him on here. we met here, in the forums, interacted here, in the forums, got to know eachother well enough to feel comfortable exchanging info because of our chatting in the forums. he knows i have friends here, some closer than friends, family more so... so i ask you posing the question this.. would you be willing to give up your "family"? for anyone!??! this site is not a dating site for me, and perhaps that is because i am a JSH transfer ( there seems to be a wierd distinctiton in ways of thinking from us "old timers" and the strictly Mingle2 people) it is a social site, where i can have an interactive conversation with my friends. yes i COULD get emails, and phone ##'s of all my friends here, and go to the "normal" way of talking to my friends, and with most i have. however, i still enjoy the chance to interact with people whom ive become close in a nonconventional way, but a way that we can have social like setting conversations... and i wouldnt trade my friends and family here for anyone! and i wouldnt ask my bf to do that ether, and he wouldnt do that to me. i trust him, as he does me. my profile clearly states it, and in responce to any email that i recieve ( that is not so vulgar that it immeadietly gets reported and blocked) i simply state that i am happily taken, and i am here for my friends. i am sorry if you do not feel that is an acceptable reason, however. im not goign to go away just for your pleasure. however i will stay for mine!  |
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You tellem lil sister...
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Because we have friends on this site, and like to keep talking to them. If you don't like the way we do things around here then find one of the "dating" sites where that is all they do, and join it. The ones who are unhappy are the ones that should leave, and find somewhere that they can be happy, at least in my opinion.
I only recently got a bf, but I still enjoy posting and responding to those that have encouraged me and helped me along the way. By the way, thanks everyone!! |
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I personally won't advertise what my status is that to me should be handled in an email. I for one come out here and chat in forums, have fun. If and when I am in that relationship,I won't be with someone that couldn't understand that, also my guy will have my password so there would be no need for any petty jealousy and mistrust. There is way to many people that while I can't call them friends I enjoy reading what they write. You go girl! |
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Good for you for your tolerance and patience. Forums of all types are bound to have the same issues raised repeatedly and the same questions asked constantly. Instead of the regulars giving the new people a hard time about redundancy the regulars would better serve the forum's interest by just ignoring the new threads. Let other new people answer the redundant questions and the regulars can just skip over to the next op question. nope. not me. if i walked into a bar where i knew no one, or a new place of work, or someone's house and needed to ask a question, i'd certainly do so in a polite and respectful manner and not expect everyone bend to what i demand. if the question were posed in that way, my response would have matched. That's a very good point Paper!! |
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eileen, i've been told by men, in private email, that i still show up on the mutual matches. i don't know if that's true, but i can see as to how that would be misleading. i wonder if there's a way for those of us in relationships to not appear on those sorts of lists (to become less visible perhaps)? Maybe there needs to be something to click on that says yes or no to wanting your profile to go on the mutual matches. |
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To answer your question. Depends on what type of relationship they are in. I am an unhappily married woman. I have 3 boys and have financial responsibilities that I can't cover on my own so I choose to live with husband. Sometimes we all need someone to talk to and to comfort us. I did not hide my situation and someday soon I hope that my savings can cover a move but until then I am looking for friendship not a physical relationship. I have a very controlling husband and our homelife is not fit for socializing since it is a daily argument. The only repreive I get is online or at work. Please dont judge the person, until you know the situation. Starting over, I tried to email you but I couldn't. I have been in you kind of situation myself and wanted to give you a little encouragement and advice. You can email me if you would like to talk. |
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This kind of situation was in part the reason for the demise of my marriage. I take partial blame. But at the same time I was not allowed to talk to my friends without scrutiny, either online or offline. This to me is controlling and demeaning.I cant really tell if this guy was just misunderstood or if he is really an a$$. Regardless, trust in any relationship is a must. Not allowing your partner to talk to their friends is not trust. If your partner runs around on you behind your back, then I would say that you really need to reconsider where you stand, and just how you got suckered. I prefer to be more open minded.
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inaly, I'm not talking about anyone dictating anything. I'm talking about respecting the thoughts and feelings of your partner. I'm sorry if that's to large a concept for you to grasp. and if your partner doesn't mind your being on the site (or a similar one)? It wouldn't matter to me. Things like ceasing activity on a dating site are things I would do of my own volition out of respect. Besides that, it has been my experience that when someone goes as far as to bring a topic up and concludes with "I don't mind", they actually do mind on some level. |
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Edited by
quiet_2008
on
Fri 01/16/09 07:06 PM
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inaly, I'm not talking about anyone dictating anything. I'm talking about respecting the thoughts and feelings of your partner. I'm sorry if that's to large a concept for you to grasp. and if your partner doesn't mind your being on the site (or a similar one)? It wouldn't matter to me. Things like ceasing activity on a dating site are things I would do of my own volition out of respect. Besides that, it has been my experience that when someone goes as far as to bring a topic up and concludes with "I don't mind", they actually do mind on some level. you just do whatever works for you just don't try to project what works for you onto my girlfriend. She can do any thing she pleases without needing me to approve or give permission. Maybe it's a difference in levels of security but she has my support and backing in ANYTHING she wants to do |
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Now why in the world would a woman want to talk to a guy on here when she is in a relationship. I say if you are in a relatonship why are you here just leave and can we delete the unused profiles after a certain period of time? For all I know I'm contacting someone who hasn't loged on since they created their account 7 years ago. There are alot of friendships formed on here so it is not just a dating site. |
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I can’t believe there is so much contention over this issue. If you don’t approve then don’t communicate with married men/women. It’s not as if people can’t lie or be deceptive in person. Sheesh. Just worry about your own conduct on this site.
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I can't believe this topic is still going
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I remember when Just Say Hi was changing it's name. We were all so upset! We liked the connotation of JUST SAY HI! A friend's sight. To those of us that have been here, we're not really expecting a date allthough, yeah, we'd like one! It's mostly about friend's here for us.
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