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| Topic: why are some guys hooked on their ex's? | |
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I recently dated a guy that was recently divorced. His ex and him apparently had had a 8 year marriage with one child and this was a stormy tumultuous ordeal. She divorced him was remarried and divorced again in a matter of 3 months. During this period is when we met. She wanted him back. He and her would have screaming matches over the phone and he would tell her "i am not coming back, I am never coming back". She started seeing someone else and I could tell this really bothered him. I could not take the drama. I broke it off with him and that very night he was back with her. He says that he is torn between the two of us. She is like a drug that he cannot get out of his system. He never had anything nice to say about her. ANYTHING. I spoke to her the day that he and I broke up and she said that all he said about me was nice. That he knew that he was not good enough for me, but he was good enough for her. He would make comments to her about me "At K's house we eat off of glass dishes- not paper plates: At K's house I don't have to listen to screaming kids", etc. She seems content to sit and wait on him to come back. The day after we broke up I spoke to him and he still wanted me to take him back. I have not spoken to him since and then today he started texting me again.
I did not reply. They don't seem to want one another but don't want the other one to have anybody else. ??????? |
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I have found the same thing to be true with women also. If they keep bringing them up(ex)....I don't know I just don't get that, I wouldn't do that. I guess when you live with someone that long,you are just unaccustom to anything else.
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Sadly...even if the relationship is terrible...people get use to it and almost crave it...and that other person...like crack
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I recently dated a guy that was recently divorced. His ex and him apparently had had a 8 year marriage with one child and this was a stormy tumultuous ordeal. She divorced him was remarried and divorced again in a matter of 3 months. During this period is when we met. She wanted him back. He and her would have screaming matches over the phone and he would tell her "i am not coming back, I am never coming back". She started seeing someone else and I could tell this really bothered him. I could not take the drama. I broke it off with him and that very night he was back with her. He says that he is torn between the two of us. She is like a drug that he cannot get out of his system. He never had anything nice to say about her. ANYTHING. I spoke to her the day that he and I broke up and she said that all he said about me was nice. That he knew that he was not good enough for me, but he was good enough for her. He would make comments to her about me "At K's house we eat off of glass dishes- not paper plates: At K's house I don't have to listen to screaming kids", etc. She seems content to sit and wait on him to come back. The day after we broke up I spoke to him and he still wanted me to take him back. I have not spoken to him since and then today he started texting me again. I did not reply. They don't seem to want one another but don't want the other one to have anybody else. ??????? |
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Part of it is we need familiar ground and when a relationship that was supposed to or was committed once upon a time may end but it leaves an indelible imprint upon our psyche.
A lot of different emotions also play in this: Broken trust, betrayal, rejection, and in more extreme cases obsession which is very bad and also revenge behavior. Last Christmas was one very tragic and classic example. There are some things that are hard to let go of. Love is one of those things. Is it the stronger person that can walk away? Strength is relative. In many instances men and women in failed relationships tend to go back at least once more under some strange value sets like one of them being, "You have to fight for what you want." That one does get a lot of mileage among people. You see that a lot in Hollywood relationships where they divorce, remarry, divorce, remarry, and divorce again and are dating only to get married again... Sound familiar? Personally I think it is better in most cases to work hard to put the past behind us. It is harder for some... |
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wow..eek..
if you're looking for a new ex-wife then by all means...text him back 
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I have found out that the day I told him not to call me anymore, he went back to her. She screwed him on his income tax and will not give him any of the money, he is on the verge of having everything he has repossessed, she kept the boyfriend and now he is the new babysitter. I know that he was ashamed of going back to her and asked me not to tell anybody. Is this justice?
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Same reasons women are .. can't move on.
 I'll tell you when I say goodbye it's GOODBYE. I'ts been suggested I turn off like a faucet. LOL Yep that be me. 
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I did not reply. They don't seem to want one another but don't want the other one to have anybody else. ??????? It seems to go both ways in this town. Women here tend to have at least a couple ex's that aren't really ex's. When I see things like that, I just back away, quietly, knowing full well it would never work. It's also a tell tale sign of 2 damaged people, and most likely an unending series of abusive relationships. |
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I have found out that the day I told him not to call me anymore, he went back to her. She screwed him on his income tax and will not give him any of the money, he is on the verge of having everything he has repossessed, she kept the boyfriend and now he is the new babysitter. I know that he was ashamed of going back to her and asked me not to tell anybody. Is this justice? Of course it is. Can't you tell their best form of justice is to be together? 
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Maybe I am wrong, but I personally think this is a revenge thing on her part (and he probably deserved it). She just screwed him before he screwed her. She has never had this much trouble getting him back before. She lied, cheated, kept her boyfriend, and he is absolutely broke. He has no where to go. It is a shame when you are to embarrassed for anyone to know that you are back with her and to ask for help even from family. It's like they cannot cut or hurt each other enough but yet crave each other and don't want the other one happy. Is that not the definition of insanity? To repeatedly do the same thing over and over and expecting a different result? He was back with her 4 days and texting me. So he must have figured out that nothing had changed. GOD knows I don't want him back and most of all the DRAMA. I received a text from her Sunday morning, asking if he had contacted me anymore, he had called her at 3 a.m. and sounded drunk. I have not seen or heard from him (thank GOD). For some reason she thinks that he is with me. OH NO. I did not reply, She must have found out where he was, because she is the type to call or text until she has her answer. For some reason though I feel that this is not over, What do yall think?
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i've been with someone else for over a year and still talk about my ex, and she call's me at work some time's and i don't like that, but i do think of the ex every now and then.
I'd like to wish her away some time's from my thought's but that's hard to do since i was with her alot longer of time, and we did live together. Some time's i want her back, but most time's i think NO way!!!. |
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some reason though I feel that this is not over, What do yall think?  nothing box is good Nothing box is wise |
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Some people have gotten used to being treated badly. It's better for them to be with someone they "know" rather than starting anew.
 I hope you know this isn't your fault. Some people just have issues letting go. 
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3 months isnt long enough to heal from a broken marriage and comfortably move on with your life. They have a very toxic relationship and those are even harder to get over even if they dont like eachother any more. They are still in the addictive phase and relationship addictions are tough to get out of your system. Most need profession advice to understand it and move on. Stastically it takes one year for every three years you were together to get over it. Sorry you had to experience the rebound factor. Thats hard to go through too. You were smart to get out.
Been there done that |
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Sadly...even if the relationship is terrible...people get use to it and almost crave it...and that other person...like crack even if they know that it isn't going to work the feeling of being close only for a moment appeals to most.they fell love for reason and that's hard to let go. most people don't know the difference between loving someone and being in love with someone. i learned the hard way |
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I recently dated a guy that was recently divorced. His ex and him apparently had had a 8 year marriage with one child and this was a stormy tumultuous ordeal. She divorced him was remarried and divorced again in a matter of 3 months. During this period is when we met. She wanted him back. He and her would have screaming matches over the phone and he would tell her "i am not coming back, I am never coming back". She started seeing someone else and I could tell this really bothered him. I could not take the drama. I broke it off with him and that very night he was back with her. He says that he is torn between the two of us. She is like a drug that he cannot get out of his system. He never had anything nice to say about her. ANYTHING. I spoke to her the day that he and I broke up and she said that all he said about me was nice. That he knew that he was not good enough for me, but he was good enough for her. He would make comments to her about me "At K's house we eat off of glass dishes- not paper plates: At K's house I don't have to listen to screaming kids", etc. She seems content to sit and wait on him to come back. The day after we broke up I spoke to him and he still wanted me to take him back. I have not spoken to him since and then today he started texting me again. I did not reply. They don't seem to want one another but don't want the other one to have anybody else. ??????? Talking about an ex is okay in moderation, sometimes knowing where someone came from helps to understand their hangups but if they are obsessively talking about them then they are not over their ex and they should take more time before becoming seriously involved with someone else. My opinion here of course. Actually some personal experience here too. |
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Maybe I am wrong, but I personally think this is a revenge thing on her part (and he probably deserved it). She just screwed him before he screwed her. She has never had this much trouble getting him back before. She lied, cheated, kept her boyfriend, and he is absolutely broke. He has no where to go. It is a shame when you are to embarrassed for anyone to know that you are back with her and to ask for help even from family. It's like they cannot cut or hurt each other enough but yet crave each other and don't want the other one happy. Is that not the definition of insanity? To repeatedly do the same thing over and over and expecting a different result? He was back with her 4 days and texting me. So he must have figured out that nothing had changed. GOD knows I don't want him back and most of all the DRAMA. I received a text from her Sunday morning, asking if he had contacted me anymore, he had called her at 3 a.m. and sounded drunk. I have not seen or heard from him (thank GOD). For some reason she thinks that he is with me. OH NO. I did not reply, She must have found out where he was, because she is the type to call or text until she has her answer. For some reason though I feel that this is not over, What do yall think? Its not over, its going to continue to be an abusive relationship and I feel really bad for the child involved I would say stay away from this one |
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I believe its because they are retarded!!!
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What you are going through is exactly why I don't date seperated or recently divorced.
There used to be a term for recently divorced called "Walking Wounded" and I have found it is often very accurate. Sounds like these two people mistaken anger for passion and get off on the drama. Some people are adrenalin junkies. I think I would send each, the wife, and the ex boyfriend a registered letter to tell them "No more contact." Then stay the heck away from both of them. They sound like they are "CRAZY" and you could get caught in the crossfire. You are not going to be able to figure this situation. Insanity never makes sense. lol |
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