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Topic: A Connection
downhomechik Joined Sat 04/12/08 Posts: 479	Sat 02/14/09 06:52 AM
I've given this some thought. There are a couple men I know that if I met them on the internet (I believe) I would definitely connect with their personalities. However knowing them in person, I already know there is no chemistry between us. So I wonder what that "mystical" link that is missing is?

dawnyhi Joined Sat 06/14/08 Posts: 1543	Sat 02/14/09 06:54 AM
3d is much better .... there are some people who come to rely on this but in person you get to know some one more slowly and it creates a more special bond based on common interests and care... otherwise this is just based on hopes and fantasies and if someone builds anything on that the person can't help but fail... i know this does not work

durtydduck Joined Wed 11/19/08 Posts: 1972	Sat 02/14/09 07:05 AM
It goes both ways There are some women on here I really like . Their personalities are just fantastic. But if I were to meet them in person... I am afraid it wouldn't work.. to many ifs. Mostly because the internet hides to many other things.

Peccy Joined Thu 06/28/07 Posts: 17181	Sat 02/14/09 07:13 AM
3d is much better .... there are some people who come to rely on this but in person you get to know some one more slowly and it creates a more special bond based on common interests and care... otherwise this is just based on hopes and fantasies and if someone builds anything on that the person can't help but fail... i know this does not work On the contrary, a REAL net connection is based on a total mind meld based on things that aren't as superficial as looks. I am living proof of an 8 year relationship off the net, 7 years married that I wouldn't change for the world and I'm procuring another relationship of the net for a year now...so yes they can work.

downhomechik Joined Sat 04/12/08 Posts: 479	Sat 02/14/09 07:18 AM
It goes both ways There are some women on here I really like . Their personalities are just fantastic. But if I were to meet them in person... I am afraid it wouldn't work.. to many ifs. Mostly because the internet hides to many other things. Yes, this is what I'm saying.... Amongst some of my male friends --some of them I truly enjoy their personalities and have connections with them on that level, however, there are things about them on the behavioral level that I am completely turned off by. Is the conclusion that you must "meet" a person before you can really say there is any connection at all?

dawnyhi Joined Sat 06/14/08 Posts: 1543	Sat 02/14/09 07:20 AM
3d is much better .... there are some people who come to rely on this but in person you get to know some one more slowly and it creates a more special bond based on common interests and care... otherwise this is just based on hopes and fantasies and if someone builds anything on that the person can't help but fail... i know this does not work On the contrary, a REAL net connection is based on a total mind meld based on things that aren't as superficial as looks. I am living proof of an 8 year relationship off the net, 7 years married that I wouldn't change for the world and I'm procuring another relationship of the net for a year now...so yes they can work. ok but it is not for me.... too painfull and stupid...they get these ideas in thier head not based on reality and there is no way you can match their expectations....i hate it

Peccy Joined Thu 06/28/07 Posts: 17181	Sat 02/14/09 07:22 AM
ADDNOTE: You must have a predetermined mutual time to meet.

Peccy Joined Thu 06/28/07 Posts: 17181	Sat 02/14/09 07:24 AM
3d is much better .... there are some people who come to rely on this but in person you get to know some one more slowly and it creates a more special bond based on common interests and care... otherwise this is just based on hopes and fantasies and if someone builds anything on that the person can't help but fail... i know this does not work On the contrary, a REAL net connection is based on a total mind meld based on things that aren't as superficial as looks. I am living proof of an 8 year relationship off the net, 7 years married that I wouldn't change for the world and I'm procuring another relationship of the net for a year now...so yes they can work. ok but it is not for me.... too painfull and stupid...they get these ideas in thier head not based on reality and there is no way you can match their expectations....i hate it different strokes............

looking4u52 Joined Mon 10/01/07 Posts: 333	Sat 02/14/09 07:24 AM
The mystical link that people try to ignore in many cases is the sexual attraction. If we look at the person in a sexual manner then we are considered shallow. Thus, we must come up with all these other reasons why we want to date or see a person. They can be the greatest person in the world. But, if that sexual attraction and chemistry is not there, something will be missing in the relationship. I know we all want the whole package. Let's be honest with ourselves and understand the dynamics between relationships that cause that special spark. JMHO

padams9098 Joined Tue 03/11/08 Posts: 2644	Sat 02/14/09 07:28 AM
I think it's that what we think and say we want all goes out the window when animal instincts kick in. Our brains and our bodies have different needs.

downhomechik Joined Sat 04/12/08 Posts: 479	Sat 02/14/09 07:33 AM
The mystical link that people try to ignore in many cases is the sexual attraction. If we look at the person in a sexual manner then we are considered shallow. Thus, we must come up with all these other reasons why we want to date or see a person. They can be the greatest person in the world. But, if that sexual attraction and chemistry is not there, something will be missing in the relationship. I know we all want the whole package. Let's be honest with ourselves and understand the dynamics between relationships that cause that special spark. JMHO I think its even more than that.....some of these men are physically attractive to me well. Here's where it gets complicated. Behavior is important.....and maybe some of you more astute people could tell me why... I notice things like the fact that at lunch time he leaves his napkin on the table instead of throws it away. One of them doesn't listen and often starts talking changing the subject before another person finishes talking. One never holds a door for a woman. Maybe the behavioral level is more important to me ? ?

Peccy Joined Thu 06/28/07 Posts: 17181	Sat 02/14/09 07:35 AM
I think it's that what we think and say we want all goes out the window when animal instincts kick in. Our brains and our bodies have different needs. Yes but that's why their pictures and cams, to find out if you really do want to meet and try. Either that or I have just been pretty lucky......lol

downhomechik Joined Sat 04/12/08 Posts: 479	Sat 02/14/09 07:39 AM
I think it's that what we think and say we want all goes out the window when animal instincts kick in. Our brains and our bodies have different needs. Yes but that's why their pictures and cams, to find out if you really do want to meet and try. Either that or I have just been pretty lucky......lol Well there are like 4 people worthy out here & you are already taken silly

Peccy Joined Thu 06/28/07 Posts: 17181	Sat 02/14/09 07:41 AM
The mystical link that people try to ignore in many cases is the sexual attraction. If we look at the person in a sexual manner then we are considered shallow. Thus, we must come up with all these other reasons why we want to date or see a person. They can be the greatest person in the world. But, if that sexual attraction and chemistry is not there, something will be missing in the relationship. I know we all want the whole package. Let's be honest with ourselves and understand the dynamics between relationships that cause that special spark. JMHO I think its even more than that.....some of these men are physically attractive to me well. Here's where it gets complicated. Behavior is important.....and maybe some of you more astute people could tell me why... I notice things like the fact that at lunch time he leaves his napkin on the table instead of throws it away. One of them doesn't listen and often starts talking changing the subject before another person finishes talking. One never holds a door for a woman. Maybe the behavioral level is more important to me ? ? Guys, I know because I am one, simply forget at times or just don't think about it. A verbal cue is needed sometimes. But if you have to constantly remind us to do something, then that's a sign the man does not care what you think and you simply are "constantly bit(hing at him. No it's not right but that's how it works.

Peccy Joined Thu 06/28/07 Posts: 17181	Sat 02/14/09 07:41 AM
I think it's that what we think and say we want all goes out the window when animal instincts kick in. Our brains and our bodies have different needs. Yes but that's why their pictures and cams, to find out if you really do want to meet and try. Either that or I have just been pretty lucky......lol Well there are like 4 people worthy out here & you are already taken silly Giving you suggestions silly!

dawnyhi Joined Sat 06/14/08 Posts: 1543	Sat 02/14/09 07:43 AM
my head hurts

padams9098 Joined Tue 03/11/08 Posts: 2644	Sat 02/14/09 07:44 AM
I think it's that what we think and say we want all goes out the window when animal instincts kick in. Our brains and our bodies have different needs. Yes but that's why their pictures and cams, to find out if you really do want to meet and try. Either that or I have just been pretty lucky......lol Looks aren't all that play in animal instincts. A lot of it is behavior, like downhomechik said. The internet can be a good way to meet people, but face to face is really where it's made or broken.

TBRich Joined Fri 11/07/08 Posts: 8232	Sat 02/14/09 07:46 AM
There is no such thing as "chemistry" it is based on whether someone can hit your built in attraction triggers.

downhomechik Joined Sat 04/12/08 Posts: 479	Sat 02/14/09 07:47 AM
I think its even more than that.....some of these men are physically attractive to me well. Here's where it gets complicated. Behavior is important.....and maybe some of you more astute people could tell me why... I notice things like the fact that at lunch time he leaves his napkin on the table instead of throws it away. One of them doesn't listen and often starts talking changing the subject before another person finishes talking. One never holds a door for a woman. Maybe the behavioral level is more important to me ? ? Guys, I know because I am one, simply forget at times or just don't think about it. A verbal cue is needed sometimes. But if you have to constantly remind us to do something, then that's a sign the man does not care what you think and you simply are "constantly bit(hing at him. No it's not right but that's how it works. ****************************** These guys are only friends and I've never once ***ed at any of them. I'm saying its just my observation & the men that I've been most attracted to often exhibit behavioral cues like thoughtfulness, encouragement, manners ----and while I may "think" he has this in him --- when I meet him or spend time with him I can see it or not.

skyskier Joined Mon 08/27/07 Posts: 6	Sat 02/14/09 07:50 AM
You just need to meet someone with some manner...We all have little things we dont like mind is (cant have dirty dishes in the sink)..But that why we date to see if we connect...