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Topic: Why are women so confusing???
mage2210's photo
Fri 02/20/09 07:01 AM
Here is my story...A little over a month ago I went out with a girl (new years eve) and had dinner, drinks, etc. I was out with her a few times before that, but this was more like our first date. Since new years we have spent almost every day together, done everything from dinners, movies, shopping, hanging out with parents, bars, sitting at home watching movies or tv together, etc, etc. She said in the beginning she was not in a hurry to be in a relationship which I could understand because she just got out of one with an asshole...
I respected that, and never suggested that we get serious, she stayed at my house a few nights but nothing happened, and I never pursued more than a hug at the end of the night.
about a week ago I couldnt hold in in anymore and told her how i felt, not using the "L" word, but hinting that it might be going there. She got mad at me for some reason and will not talk to me since?
What did I do wrong? We went from being together everyday, doing everything together, having in-depth conversations that only bf/gf's would have, to not talking at all because I wanted to have a relationship?
I am confused! any thoughts???

lilith401's photo
Fri 02/20/09 07:07 AM
Edited by lilith401 on Fri 02/20/09 07:07 AM
Yeah, my thoughts are her actions did not match her words.

Spending that much time together and meeting the parents, for goodness sake... well she was in a relationship and in denial.

I'm very, very sorry.

trgirl's photo
Fri 02/20/09 07:10 AM
i am sure she has issues you are not aware of, for someone to go from hot to cold like that to have some real issues, it probly has nothing to do with you, she was coming from a bad relationship and was not able to handle moving forward, don't take it to personally, have you tried to get back in touch with her and let her know how you feel? she may have just needed some time to sort things through.

mage2210's photo
Fri 02/20/09 07:11 AM
Should I wait? keep trying? like I said, I am confused! I became good friends with her parents and liked hanging out with them, but not sure if I should now?

lilith401's photo
Fri 02/20/09 07:13 AM
How long has it been since this happened and what attempts have you made to talk to her?

trgirl's photo
Fri 02/20/09 07:14 AM
is she someone you want to try to work things out with? you know sometimes the effort put into repairing realtionships does not give you the comfort you are seeking.

no photo
Fri 02/20/09 07:15 AM
If woman were not so confusing they would be boring.

As for your story well either she needed a very close friend more than a b/f, or she felt the same for you and is afraid for some reason and that is why she ran away.

mage2210's photo
Fri 02/20/09 07:16 AM

i am sure she has issues you are not aware of, for someone to go from hot to cold like that to have some real issues, it probly has nothing to do with you, she was coming from a bad relationship and was not able to handle moving forward, don't take it to personally, have you tried to get back in touch with her and let her know how you feel? she may have just needed some time to sort things through.

A few days after I told her I called her (she did not answer) and left a voicemail asking her if she wanted to meet for lunch. She did not call back, and hasn't since. Its only been about a week since this happened, but i don't know how long to wait. I wanted to tell her that I would rather be "just friends" than not talk to her at all, but I have to get a hold of her to say it! I know its a matter of time until I see her again because we know alot of the same people

misstina2's photo
Fri 02/20/09 07:17 AM
I'd just confront the situation so I could get some idea of where I stood.flowerforyou I don't like feeling confused so I'd deal with it asapflowerforyou

mage2210's photo
Fri 02/20/09 07:18 AM

is she someone you want to try to work things out with? you know sometimes the effort put into repairing realtionships does not give you the comfort you are seeking.


I would love to work things out...I would give all the time in the world if I knew something good would come of it.

lilith401's photo
Fri 02/20/09 07:19 AM
Oh.

'Nuff said.

Honestly, from my personal viewpoint, I'm not going to spend every day with a guy and not at least kiss him for five weeks if I was interested in any sort of romantic thing with him. Nor would I let him meet my parents. I think she just wanted to be friends.

Sadly, I'd let it go. If she comes back to you with an explanation and an apology, take it from there. But her response was loud and clear. It was just blank. In this case, no news was not good news.

misstina2's photo
Fri 02/20/09 07:19 AM
flowerforyou if it's been a few days and she hasn't called backflowerforyou sorryflowerforyou she's just not into youflowerforyou

mage2210's photo
Fri 02/20/09 07:25 AM

Oh.

'Nuff said.

Honestly, from my personal viewpoint, I'm not going to spend every day with a guy and not at least kiss him for five weeks if I was interested in any sort of romantic thing with him. Nor would I let him meet my parents. I think she just wanted to be friends.

Sadly, I'd let it go. If she comes back to you with an explanation and an apology, take it from there. But her response was loud and clear. It was just blank. In this case, no news was not good news.


I met her grandpa too lol. And one day she wnated me to come to her work so she could introduce me to the people she works with! I could go on and on and on!!!

trgirl's photo
Fri 02/20/09 07:26 AM


is she someone you want to try to work things out with? you know sometimes the effort put into repairing realtionships does not give you the comfort you are seeking.


I would love to work things out...I would give all the time in the world if I knew something good would come of it.


then you should do whatever it takes to get her back, dont wait to long but be sure you tell her how you really feel, good luck! she is a lucky woman and does not know it yet. I hope she comes around.

mage2210's photo
Fri 02/20/09 07:27 AM

flowerforyou if it's been a few days and she hasn't called backflowerforyou sorryflowerforyou she's just not into youflowerforyou


She was until I told her how I felt, thats what is confusing me the most...She wa going to take ME to dinner on v-day (her idea) until this happened.

lilith401's photo
Fri 02/20/09 07:28 AM
Yes, but here is the thing. If I meet a person and I just want to be friends... I would introduce them to everyone, no hesitation. But if I was interested in them romantically.... I'd hestitate. And wait.

And I'd be at LEAST kissing the guy. Her behavior spoke of something more... but the lack of intimacy shows no spark. You are the friend. If she wanted something more or even actually valued your friendship, she'd have called you back by now.

ljcc1964's photo
Fri 02/20/09 07:28 AM
My suggestion:

If you love her....you can't just walk away. At least try contact one last time to see where she stands. If she no longer wants to be in a relationship with you.....be respectful and back off.

That kinda happened to me. I was in a pretty serious relationship. I had cause to want to take a step back and take a breath. The guy got mad....and told me that he would have to decide if our relationship was "worth the effort". I never heard from him again.

I don't know if he ever really loved me or not....or if he still does. But the fact that I never heard from him again.....can only lead me to the conclusion that he was done with me.

You need to communicate clearly how you feel.....and make sure you get clear communication from her. It would suck if you two really loved each other and it ended because you just gave up.

mage2210's photo
Fri 02/20/09 07:28 AM

she is a lucky woman and does not know it yet. I hope she comes around.


Thats what her mom told me!

no photo
Fri 02/20/09 07:30 AM
Perhaps, she wanted a physical relationship..but you, just wanted to hug....

no photo
Fri 02/20/09 07:30 AM
Yeah, you were a VERY SAFE guy friend!! She had to be in denial that it was more and when she heard you say it she freaked out. BUT: If she were your FRIEND, a REASONABLE human being, she'd get back to you to hash it all out somehow, even if it were uncomfortable, and out of respect for you. It sounds like you scared her with the reality of your feelings. You did absolutely nothing wrong. What you started was actually a very healthy, wholesome and respectful manner of finding a potential mate. Kudos to you in my book!!! flowerforyou

I had a male friend eons ago who I was up front with the whole way that I was not with him to be anything more. We went on this friendship for a long time, a couple of years!! And I never did feel attracted to him as a mate. And sure enough, he wanted more, had ALWAYS wanted more, figured if he hung around long enough I'd want more, too. It's so sad as I know I was up front the whole time, dating other men, etc. It ruined our friendship forever because in a weird way, he was the one being devicive all that time.

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