How would you help someone that is in a abusive situation and has been
for six moths but doesn't want to change there situation? it's not that
they don't know what to do but I been talking to this person for 6
months and nothing has changed from what conversation we had today I
don't push the the issue or bring it up but it is hard to see this when
someone does this to themselves and all you can do is hope they do
somthing about it

That person has to want the help.

yeah i know but it just sucks knowing they can have a better life if
they just give themsevs a chance

Joyce is right, you can't make them change, they have to want it and do
it on their own. Even if you bodily drug them out of it, chances are
they would go right back if they have not made their mind up to get out.
They are just not ready to go. Been there, done that, sad but took me
10 years to finally get the guts to get out.

Just be their friend and support them, that is all you can do at this
point. If they have you in their corner, chances are they will get
their sooner rather than later. Sounds like you are doing the right
thing, being a good friend. Take care.

that is all you can do,
Be a good friend, and yes it is frustrating. But keep being a good
friend, encouraging and supportive, but in the end it is that persons
choice.
Just keep being a good friend, and don't let it wear you down! To be a
good friend, you have to be a strong friend!

yep I have been a good friend and they know it :) and some of what you
guys have said I understand it take that person to take the action for
anything to actually change and they got to really want to it for
themselves for anything to work of move on

It's just knowing you see it but can't do anything aboiut it Kinda like
if I coiuld smake them and snap them out of it Id do it lol

They love THAT person and refuse to leave THAT love no matter their
pain, because the other one will ALWAYS say it will NEVER happen
again,or IT WILL BE BETTER,,ect,,,and THEY believe that sh1t!!And stay
in that life until THEY see the REAL LIGHT,,and some have lost their own
life BEFORE THEY ever got to leave
that relationship.
I have been where you are man,,,,and I witnessed ALOT of hurt and pain
in her,,,and she wouldn't leave it,,,but ALWAYS wanted me to be there
for her and to protect her,,,,but she always went back into it,,,,I got
away from her and him,,,as I would have went to jail for what I was
thinking of doing to him,,
Don't know how she has been,,,and don't think much NOW about it or
her,,,just a learning experience for me....
Good luck with how YOU play it man,,,my blessings are with ya
both!!

low self-esteem is hard. plus i believe what goes in comes out. if you
are told every day that you are worthless and cannot find anyone better,
you start to believe that. that is why i tell my kids every day how
special and smart they are and i tell my daughter how a guy is suppose
to treat her. that had a major reason to my divorce. my ex was abusive
verbally. one da i realized what kind of relationship was i teaching my
kids to have?...an unhealthy one. it is hard to get out of and until you
want to and lose the fear of being alone noone can convince you it is
for the best. all you can do is continue to offer your support, but
realize she might never get out.

((((((The Shadow))))))

Be strong, and be there when the person REALLY needs you (hopefully
when that person decides to leave)

A lot of the time it is financial - she is afraid of trying to support
herself, stays for the financial support, especially if there are kids
involved. It is hard to jump from a marriage into the work force if you
haven't worked for a long time (that was one of the things holding me
back = had a 5 y/o, worried about how to pay for daycare, etc.) but at
some point she will get to the point where she will make the decision
that it is worth doing.

Yeah I was there with me ex wife the verbally abusive It took me a year
to realize what she was doing to me and knowing I was allowing it..you
get to the point where you just don't care and settle for what the
situationn is

i am not sure it is that you donot care, because i hurt every day, i
think it is more of a brainwashing...you really believe you are not
worth it

Exactly, when you hear the putdowns over and over, it strips you of your
self esteem and self worth, you start to believe the crap, like Joyce
said. Took me a really long time to climb back out of the hole he threw
me into.

You are doing the right thing by being there for her. Hopefully she
will wake up and get out, but each person has to do it in their own way,
and some never do, like Terry said.

just keep being a good friend to your friend!!

But ALWAYS know HER TRUTH Shadow,,if it came down to YOU and HIM, and
hurting him,,,or police,,,she would pick HIM, as her hero, man!!! Such
is a f--ked up life bro,,,,
No WIN,,just UNREST!!!

iam4u is right...

Yeah, Shadow, I agree. A big part of the problem is becoming so used to
abuse that it eventually becomes as normal to you as any healthy
relationship actually is. All that verbal abuse wears ya down so low,
eventually you see yourself as fortunate to be with the abuser. No one
will get out until they see how miserable they really are and make the
decision their life is worth so much more.

All ya can do is be there if they decide to make a move other than that
it is tough to watch but your hands are tied for there is nothing you
can do but let them know they can count on you.

Shadow straight up advice

this is my field of work
DV

walk away..

you need positive energy form people not negative energy

it wheres us down and keeps are souls weary

Gotta walk away cant help them..
just like addictions sometimes yu have to walk away til they hit rock
bottom and help themselves.

but get the kids ok!!????