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| Topic: No idea what the title is. | |
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Great stuff! And I did catch the use of the term "fortuitous." -- !!
 One of the things I try to do, when I write, is envision the scene as if it was playing out on a screen in front of me -- it helps me visualize the positions of the characters, the background scenery, that sort of thing. What you've got here has a very nice visual aspect to it, and I think that's why it drew me in so quickly. Keep up the good work! |
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Great stuff! And I did catch the use of the term "fortuitous." -- !! Absolutely.  Having never considered myself a writer, I didn't bother to learn the " rules ", as my friend Mindy put it. I am sure that won't be the only faux pas that I wind up making. lol I did notice something at the beginning that could cause a bit of confusion, but it doesn't appear that anyone else has noticed it or found it to be a big enough deal to actually bring it up. I'll probably go back and see if I can fix it eventually. For now, I'll just let it stand. All I really know is, last night, for the first time in a very, very long time, I felt the passion for writing that I had lost start to come back. Here's hoping that it's not a transient thing. Lex. Thanks for the nudge. I guess I just needed to know that I wasn't just wasting time. 
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Absolutely. Having never considered myself a writer, I didn't bother to learn the " rules ", as my friend Mindy put it. Don't waste a lot of time on the formalities. Seriously. A lot of what you see in "writing rules" is stuff that was considered archaic even back when Bram Stoker was writing. The only ones I worry about are the ones that relate to flow, to cadence, to pacing and movement and trying to make dialogue sound like something real people would really say, and not like some actor reading a perfectly-crafted script. Incomplete sentences? Love 'em. And nowadays, a preposition is not always a bad thing to end a sentence with.... |
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Edited by
JustAGuy2112
on
Fri 08/07/09 10:11 AM
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Absolutely. Having never considered myself a writer, I didn't bother to learn the " rules ", as my friend Mindy put it. Don't waste a lot of time on the formalities. Seriously. A lot of what you see in "writing rules" is stuff that was considered archaic even back when Bram Stoker was writing. The only ones I worry about are the ones that relate to flow, to cadence, to pacing and movement and trying to make dialogue sound like something real people would really say, and not like some actor reading a perfectly-crafted script. Incomplete sentences? Love 'em. And nowadays, a preposition is not always a bad thing to end a sentence with.... Boy am I glad you said THAT....lmao I get tired of reading stuff that has decent dialogue, but leaves me asking myself " Who the hell TALKS like that?? " When I started writing that story, I figured the dialogue between the voice in his head and himself would be written the same way it sounds to me when I talk to myself while I am in the kitchen trying to make something new. Not a " random " thought process, but snippets of thoughts. Not complete sentences. Besides. Doing it that way is just more fun....lol As for pacing and cadence.... One of the things I was worried about with the story opening the way it did was, how the heck was I going to keep up with the kind of pace that it started off with. Then I realized that I didn't really HAVE to. I could let it slow down a little bit and then just take the pace back up in certain places. As long as it doesn't wind up " plodding " along, then I am good with it. * edited to avoid having the same word used twice in the same sentence * 
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Boy am I glad you said THAT....lmao I get tired of reading stuff that has decent dialogue, but leaves me asking myself " Who the hell TALKS like that?? " Nobody. And that always messes it up for me a little. I mean, OK, there are times when some perfectly-spewed technical gibberish is warranted. But it should be used sparingly. And some things are just so well-established that they HAVE to be incorporated -- like when the supervillain has the superhero trapped and then says, "You're going to die, anyway, so I might as well reveal every last detail of my brilliant plan to take over New Jersey." Good dialogue really makes a difference. Ever read Elmore Leonard? Wow. That's how people talk. |
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Boy am I glad you said THAT....lmao I get tired of reading stuff that has decent dialogue, but leaves me asking myself " Who the hell TALKS like that?? " Nobody. And that always messes it up for me a little. I mean, OK, there are times when some perfectly-spewed technical gibberish is warranted. But it should be used sparingly. And some things are just so well-established that they HAVE to be incorporated -- like when the supervillain has the superhero trapped and then says, "You're going to die, anyway, so I might as well reveal every last detail of my brilliant plan to take over New Jersey." Good dialogue really makes a difference. Ever read Elmore Leonard? Wow. That's how people talk. Dialogue, or the lack of it, is what will either keep me interested in a book, or have e putting it down. I have read a couple of Elmore Leonard books but it was quite a while ago. But I do remember the dialogue style. Koontz is a pretty good one for " real " sounding dialogue too. One question I do want to ask you ( I know..ANOTHER one?? LOL ) is... I know that I need to be somewhat descriptive when I am writing about the surroundings, but ( as in the case with the cottage ) I really don't want to be overly descriptive about it's condition. I would rather let the reader use the information I give them to picture it themselves. I don't think they necessarily have to see it the same way I do. Is being " minimalistic " in giving details in descriptions another one of the things I need to watch out for? |
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One question I do want to ask you ( I know..ANOTHER one?? LOL ) is... I know that I need to be somewhat descriptive when I am writing about the surroundings, but ( as in the case with the cottage ) I really don't want to be overly descriptive about it's condition. I would rather let the reader use the information I give them to picture it themselves. I don't think they necessarily have to see it the same way I do. Is being " minimalistic " in giving details in descriptions another one of the things I need to watch out for? This is a real pet peeve of mine. A few years ago, I read a book by Jean Auel, "The Plains of Passage." She's probably best known for "Clan of the Cave Bear," but this was from the same series. The main character, Ayla I think was her name, would walk into a valley and there would be 35 pages of descriptions of the grass and the trees and the bugs and a rock over there and a cloud that looked like Babe Ruth smoking a cigar, and.... I mean, it just went on forever. And I'm thinking, "OK, when is something going to happen?" Eventually, a little something or other did happen, but only after a few dozen more lengthy descriptions of a bird's eyeball or something. My policy: minimal is better. In my stories, I'll tell you what you need to know about what's in the room, where the desk is, where the window is, whatever, and that's it. If there's a trombone in the room, and it doesn't play into the scene, I probably won't mention it (unless I'm going to use it for something later). I'm concerned about movement and dialogue -- advancing the plot. Describing every blade of grass in a 3-mile radius doesn't accomplish that. Oh, and I had never even seen the word "massif" before reading "The Plains of Passage," but it was used so many times in that one book that it's easily overcompensated for my previously massif-less life. |
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OMG!!! When I asked that question, it was mainly BECAUSE of books like Clan of The Cave Bear. That book drove me completely bugs**t.
Every time the main character met someone new, there was 7 pages worth of introduction. I was like " I already KNOW who she's the son/daughter/second cousin of!!! Knock it off already!!! ". And of course, there were another seven pages of who the person she was meeting was related to.I wanted to throw that book through a freaking window. That kind of thing is exactly what I meant about " plodding ". Ok. So I can stick with being " minimal " and let the readers' imagination work for them. I have always thought that was kinda the point to writing AND reading anyway. 
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OMG!!! When I asked that question, it was mainly BECAUSE of books like Clan of The Cave Bear. That book drove me completely bugs**t. Every time the main character met someone new, there was 7 pages worth of introduction. I was like " I already KNOW who she's the son/daughter/second cousin of!!! Knock it off already!!! ". And of course, there were another seven pages of who the person she was meeting was related to.I wanted to throw that book through a freaking window. That kind of thing is exactly what I meant about " plodding ". Ok. So I can stick with being " minimal " and let the readers' imagination work for them. I have always thought that was kinda the point to writing AND reading anyway. There are things you can do to make it easier for yourself and your readers. In my first book, I had a scene where there was a meeting in a room some 22 stories underground. And there were a lot of people at this meeting, and there were pictures and memos and things being passed around, and people making comments about what they were seeing and reading. So I drew up a sort of a chart, depicting where all the furniture was, and where everybody was sitting, and where the TV screens were (because they were being used), and this helped me get a more or less natural "flow" of what got passed to whom, and in what order. I don't usually need to do this stuff, because I rarely have a scene that's so crowded and/or elaborate. But it's good to have because it can help you avoid continuity errors later on. |
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I love the narrator that is cool... most are fooled but it makes the entire book... Lost in a shell but out comes the words flowing as honey. I think double gum is great! we just need more flavors to give it that extra taste... add more sticks of gum i know you know what i Mean!... one is great, two is fine. but finish this with a bang and you have a hit on your hands....
Time to find, book publishers.... you can find them in your town, you can find them on the internet, you can find them on the back of your books.. you have on your shelf on the side of the TV stand...?? i am sure that is were thy sit... put the words and paper in a envelope and write on with a black marker, then sick a stamps on them and send it out "wait your 6months" and you will be signing at a book store! Don't be scared, for once in your life, Know you are Great and YOU can be brave, fight the erg and then don't second guess your self but only letting one know who is the boss and who can win. |
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Edited by
JustAGuy2112
on
Fri 08/07/09 11:01 AM
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I love the narrator that is cool... most are fooled but it makes the entire book... Lost in a shell but out comes the words flowing as honey. I think double gum is great! we just need more flavors to give it that extra taste... add more sticks of gum i know you know what i Mean!... one is great, two is fine. but finish this with a bang and you have a hit on your hands.... Time to find, book publishers.... you can find them in your town, you can find them on the internet, you can find them on the back of your books.. you have on your shelf on the side of the TV stand...?? i am sure that is were thy sit... put the words and paper in a envelope and write on with a black marker, then sick a stamps on them and send it out "wait your 6months" and you will be signing at a book store! Don't be scared, for once in your life, Know you are Great and YOU can be brave, fight the erg and then don't second guess your self but only letting one know who is the boss and who can win. Thank you very much. But I think I'll wait till I can actually finish it before I start hunting for publishers...lol After all, it has started ( according to the feedback I have gotten fro the people who have read it ) pretty good, but it may crash and burn eventually. 
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So does anyone have any title ideas??? lol
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Edited by
JustAGuy2112
on
Fri 08/07/09 05:27 PM
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Since it appears that no one has any thoughts on a title....lol
I guess I'll just post Chapter 4 and see how it goes.... |
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Chapter 4
( you are going the wrong way ) …no I’m not. The cottage is right over there. ( uh huh. Then why is the smoke BEHIND us? ) …it is? Brian turned to look back, and to his chagrin saw that, indeed, the smoke that he had seen coming from the chimney of the cottage was rising into the sky off in the distance behind him. ( you really need to start paying attention. Seriously. Without me you would wind up goodness knows where and not have the slightest clue as to how you got there ) Turning around …are you happy now? ( yes, thanks. At least we are headed in the right direction now ) he started strolling toward the smoke. Taking in the scenery around him, he felt a sense of familiarity for a reason he really couldn’t put a finger on. He knew he had never been in this place before, ( are you sure about that? ) …of course I’m sure. I grew up in Manhattan, remember? but he couldn’t help but feel that he knew it very well nonetheless. An odd feeling, There was no sense of fear or foreboding, but he wasn’t completely at peace, either. As he walked between the piles, he started to catch glimpses of the cottage. What looked to be a quaint, well maintained little home from a distance, proved to be slightly rundown as he got closer. ( man. What a heap. ) ….oh come on. It’s not really that bad. The roof, he saw, was sagging a bit, the steps were weather worn and warped in places. Paint, what was left of it, chipped in some areas, peeling off in others, covered the wooden sides. It was surrounded by a waist high fence that didn’t appear to be any better maintained than the cottage itself. As he neared the edge of the field, just before he came to the last pile, he saw what looked to be an old man come around the corner of the cottage. Brian ducked behind the nearby pile and peered around the edge in an attempt to get a better look without being seen. The old man looked to be in his mid eighties. ( and how would you know that? ) …I’m guessing. Just hush for a minute He walked with a lightly hunched over gait, but yet managed a relatively brisk pace. Brian could hear the old man mumbling to himself, but because of the distance from the cottage, could not quite make out what he was saying. Suddenly, with a bit of a jolt, the old man stopped and looked around as if something had caught his attention, but he couldn’t quite figure out what it was. With a shake of his head, the old man resumed walking. After a few yards, he stopped again, not quite so suddenly this time, and said in a very clear voice that was quite surprising to hear from someone of that stature ( dude…the only people that age you know are your grandparents. You wouldn’t know what an old person is supposed to sound like ) “ You may as well come out of there. I know you are hiding behind the straw pile. I have been waiting for you. “ |
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ooo it keeps getting better.....
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Chapter 1 Brian Radik was having the best day of his life. He hadn't hit the lottery for millions of dollars, but he felt like the luckiest man on Earth anyway. He walked through the glass doors of his workplace with a smile on his face and a skip in his step. The source of his happiness was twofold. First and foremost, he had finally gotten the promotion he had worked so hard for. The 10 years he had put in at the advertising agency had finally paid off. It certainly took it's sweet time making the payoff, but the day had finally come. The other part of his happiness was, of course, a woman. The most beautiful, witty, and intelligent woman he had ever had the pleasure of meeting. Brian felt that not only meeting her in the first place was lucky, but the way they met was even more of a fortuitous stroke. He had been walking down the street outside his apartment building, thinking about his promotion, when he had almost knocked her over. He bent down to help her pick up the books she had been carrying, apologizing profusely, when he looked up, directly into the greenest, most beautiful eyes he had ever seen. He was struck speechless until she asked “ Are you ok ? “ with an amused look on her face. After stammering a reply that he really didn't remember afterwards, he asked if he could make up for the collision by taking her out to dinner, or even just a cup of coffee. He was dumbfounded when she agreed, and still couldn't believe that she had actually said yes. That being said, you can understand why Brian was so happy on this particular day. Can you have him throw her up against a wall at this point, and feel her up? |
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Chapter 1 Brian Radik was having the best day of his life. He hadn't hit the lottery for millions of dollars, but he felt like the luckiest man on Earth anyway. He walked through the glass doors of his workplace with a smile on his face and a skip in his step. The source of his happiness was twofold. First and foremost, he had finally gotten the promotion he had worked so hard for. The 10 years he had put in at the advertising agency had finally paid off. It certainly took it's sweet time making the payoff, but the day had finally come. The other part of his happiness was, of course, a woman. The most beautiful, witty, and intelligent woman he had ever had the pleasure of meeting. Brian felt that not only meeting her in the first place was lucky, but the way they met was even more of a fortuitous stroke. He had been walking down the street outside his apartment building, thinking about his promotion, when he had almost knocked her over. He bent down to help her pick up the books she had been carrying, apologizing profusely, when he looked up, directly into the greenest, most beautiful eyes he had ever seen. He was struck speechless until she asked “ Are you ok ? “ with an amused look on her face. After stammering a reply that he really didn't remember afterwards, he asked if he could make up for the collision by taking her out to dinner, or even just a cup of coffee. He was dumbfounded when she agreed, and still couldn't believe that she had actually said yes. That being said, you can understand why Brian was so happy on this particular day. Can you have him throw her up against a wall at this point, and feel her up? Erotica isn't my bag as far as writing. Besides, he hasn't even gone out with her yet....lmfao |
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Chapter 1 Brian Radik was having the best day of his life. He hadn't hit the lottery for millions of dollars, but he felt like the luckiest man on Earth anyway. He walked through the glass doors of his workplace with a smile on his face and a skip in his step. The source of his happiness was twofold. First and foremost, he had finally gotten the promotion he had worked so hard for. The 10 years he had put in at the advertising agency had finally paid off. It certainly took it's sweet time making the payoff, but the day had finally come. The other part of his happiness was, of course, a woman. The most beautiful, witty, and intelligent woman he had ever had the pleasure of meeting. Brian felt that not only meeting her in the first place was lucky, but the way they met was even more of a fortuitous stroke. He had been walking down the street outside his apartment building, thinking about his promotion, when he had almost knocked her over. He bent down to help her pick up the books she had been carrying, apologizing profusely, when he looked up, directly into the greenest, most beautiful eyes he had ever seen. He was struck speechless until she asked “ Are you ok ? “ with an amused look on her face. After stammering a reply that he really didn't remember afterwards, he asked if he could make up for the collision by taking her out to dinner, or even just a cup of coffee. He was dumbfounded when she agreed, and still couldn't believe that she had actually said yes. That being said, you can understand why Brian was so happy on this particular day. Can you have him throw her up against a wall at this point, and feel her up? Erotica isn't my bag as far as writing. Besides, he hasn't even gone out with her yet....lmfao So? Anyway, I like how descriptivve you are, I always like to feel like I am there. I like the description of the wind, and stuff.. When I read "communion" and "transformation" by Whitley Strieber, and well as "wolfen" it took me there, love that. GOOD JOB! Can ya.. can ya, add my name, and then ya know, I can be the hot chick that wins the guy, and then he throws me up against a wall, and feels me up? |
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You should call it.. "Susan". *nods*
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You should call it.. "Susan". *nods* LMAO!!! I'll try to get you in there somewhere. 
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