You are welcome, Jackie. Mom was a lot easier to deal with than dad. If you asked dad for money he would give you directions to the bank. I can remember dad giving me the whole world in which to make a living. "There it, son. It's all yours." "If you get in jail don't call me to bail you out." Fortunately I am claustaphobic so getting in jail was not an option. Nothing like being scared straight. Nothing like having an athiest for a father and a holy roller for a mother. Dad's version was that he believed that everyone should be able to go to hell in their own way if they wanted to. Mom's version was that you should be good and not wind up in hell. Hell just scares the **** out of me. Funny thing is that I seemed to be drawned to hell like a moth to a flame. I am just glad I have my meetings to help deal with all the insanity that goes through my mind.

You know, I think I am a living miracle sometimes with all the **** I have been through. I would like to thank my mom for not aborting me at birth. Learning the hard way instead of not having enough sense to make the easy way like normal folks has given me an unique outlook on life. Knowing me if I knew now what I should have known then I would probably still would have screwed it up but maybe life might still have been somewhat easier. Freaking self-fulfilling prophecies; I really hate them.

Really care about this one old lady that keeps telling me to knock her in the head with a ball bat. "Aw, dear but who would I have to talk to." Too bad she is 30 years older than me. Just love the morning ritual of her telling me, "Sorry, I am so helpless" and replying with "Thats ok hon I am hopeless." She says, "We make a pretty good team. Your almost as crazy as I am." "Not, yet, hon but I am getting there. Just give me a few more mornings with you and we will be the same."

Money problems, panick attacks, anxiety, fear, and so much more. Marie, I have gotten onto a plan the gives me 500 more kwh's without the fee going up, but I still hae to pay. My mom lost her job, can't find another, has to take care of my step dad who just had surgery and can't work right now and they are about to lose thier house and property. They have always helped me and now I can't help them. That sucks. My gramma was supposed to get an oxygen concentrator, but loaned the money to me on the premis that a friend who offered would give it back since he offered to pay fo the whole thing. Now for months he has been putting it off. I called him about a week ago and told him to go to hell! Been having terrible mood swings, anxiety, fear and more. Not juast cuz of all this sh1t, but the chemicals running wild in my brain. I had to stop taking one of my meds and another hormone pill, since we believe this might be the reason my hair is falling out in handfuls like it did when I was in chemo. Very weird. I wear hats and bandanas now. And it's no wonder I gave up on meeting anyone. Pffttt!

I am sorry things are so bad right now Karen, I understand the money thing, going through hell right now with money trying to cover my dad's nursing home bill and not lose my house, want to sell it instead of lose it.

With the hair falling out, another thing that will cause that of course is stress, but I also know if you don't eat enough protein your hair will fall out. Have you been getting protein? I know things have been tight, I wonder about checking into the protein powder drinks as a supplement to your diet, and B vitamins are the stress vitamins, wonder if adding them would help right now. Just my thoughts. Can your grandma get help through Medicare for the oxygen concentrator?? Just a thought. I am sorry about your mom's job, wish I knew of some way to help, that is really awful. I will keep praying things get better for you. Take care.

Thank you Marie. I thought about the protien thing too. Have been trying to eat chicken. It's cheap. I have started taking a multivitamin about a week and a half ago every morning. Can't afford protien drinks, and nothing I can do about the stress.

I don't think it is stress though. I've had that all my life, and my hair was never affected. Yes my gramma has gotten what she needs but is paying through the nose for it. Even with medicare and insurance. I wish I could help me mom too.

I understand what you mean about selling instead of losing your place. It is the same thing my mom said. I'm sorry you are having to go through that. I do understand since I have had to wake up and take a look around at the world and whats happening to my family.

At this point things look even bleaker since my best friend, who has the same problems as I do, gave up on me today. We had one tiff and she just trashed our friendship. Never saw that one coming. What friendship doesn't have thier ups and downs? Why throw a good person away just cuz you don't agree with something they said?

I guess this is the point where I feel pretty bleak. I know life is hard for eveyone. How can I sit here and feel sorry for myself? I don't get it.

Thanks for caring and I do hope you can find a way to keep your home. I wish everyone here could find a way to solve thier problems. This is why I didn't take psychology as a major like my mom thought I should.

creations you sound like you could use a hug!

(((Hugzzz))) and

Sorry you lost a friend...

Thank you ((msteddy)) it is appreciated. I am hoping she will change her mind but people with bi polar can be pretty unpredictable. All I can do is sit here and cry.

I have studying to do, but I just can't make myself do it. I'm thinking that I might just drop and pick up next semester.

(((( Karen ))))))

Hugs and love to you my sweet friend

((( Ms Teddy )))) huggies to you Beautiful

Thank you (((mom)))

hugs karen.maybe your friend will come to her senses.sometimes things are said in th heat of battle or mental distress...
sorry to hear about your parents both Karen and Marie.
Jeesh I wish I coul d win the lottery so i could help you guys...

Thanks (((cute))), she is stubborn like me. But it is just one more of those things we have to deal with in life I guess.......wish I could win the lotto and help out too

and down it goes again....


as i begin to wonder why i try...
i am just so sick and tired of all the crap...
over and over....
every time it starts to get better.... down it goes again....

uuuugghhh...

why cant it all just go right for once!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Kick it in the head Izzie, and when its down, you laugh at it and punt it like a football!

But seriously tho, us depressed people need to take things one step at a time. Personally if I look at "the whole" picture of something, I freak out cause its too many steps in so little time, but if I do step by step, and day by day than I will get there.

There are times when I do freak out and thats when I post here for comfort among friends who also deal with the same situation.

I have had my struggles and I am struggling now. I movede away from my home town to stop thinking about my ex ,but i cant stop. I loved her so much it kills me. I am lonely and when I am alone all I seem to think of is the love of my life. I am battling my depression and I think I might lose. I hate feeling like this. I just feel lost!!!!!!!!!!!!

hey cutts, i don't know if you've read any of the other posts but it has been said many times(you probably already know this)but the best advice is to just take it one day at a time. it gets pretty daunting when you start thinking of forever so just do what is necessary for today. take care.

thanks king breeze. It is just a struggle

i know it is and sometimes it feels like it's just not worth it but it is. for some reason no matter how bad it gets that day or moment always comes along that offers you just a bit of a break or a glimpse of how much it is worth it. you never no what tomorrow will bring.