I will post the rest of the segments in this thread as I get the typeed out instead of making new threads. Thanks.




1977 I was attacked by 2 dogs and dragged under a trailer home and ripped to pieces. Eventually from the horrific screams, the owner of the dogs came out and called the dogs off. I remember being in the hospital emergency room still screaming my head off and watching the dr’s begin to work on me and my mother screaming at them to do something and also screaming at me that I needed to shut up, that none of this would have happened if I hadn’t jumped the fence to get the ball. Being unable to walk and get out of my bed once I got home, I had no choice but to lie there for hours at a time. We didn’t have tv’s in the bedrooms at that age and I couldn’t really raise my arms to be doing anything at all. So I lay there in silence with boredom and pain.
My bedroom ceiling was a white acoustical ceiling tile. It had a lot of dots in it. Lying there, I began to try to see what wasn’t there. Shapes, animals, faces, people, whatever I could imagine I could see. Eventually I had used up all the dots to make whatever and began day dreaming about some of the things I had seen in the tiles. A story started forming. A place where the things I had imagined were. This was the blue print for the creation my mind would make that would last well into my adult life.
Everytime I was in trouble, bored, someone was talking to me about whatever I wasn’t interested in or what ever, I went to this imaginary place and played. I could go there anytime, anywhere and spend as much time there as I wanted. I had realized that this imaginary world was something that no matter what anyone did, said, or whatever, they couldn’t take it away from me or stop me from going there. Of course, I never told anyone that I had this place, they might find a way to do just that, stop it. So it was my secret and remained a secret for 28 years.

Part 3


Through the years I kept this magical wonderful place. I had made 2 rules in my kingdom. Rule one: don’t ever share this with anyone, rule 2, never imagine any other person in my imaginary world. NO PEOPLE allowed.
Once I was in high school, I took an intertest in psychology and how the mind worked. What made some people tick while other people tock. The local facilitator for this class was a man who when I enrolled in his class and saw him was obviously a man who was a separatist himself. Looking much like Albert Einstein and speaking in complex terms, I knew I had found a home. A place where I could indeed enhance my vocabulary as well as my imagination and also validate that it was ok for me to have this wonderful imaginary world. BUT also that it was indeed in my best interest to never trust anyone enough to break my 2 rules that I had made for this world.
On the outside, I appeared to be a normal average everyday teen. I was in sports, captain of the football team, went to 2 proms and made the homecoming court. I had created tools to acclimate myself to any situation I was in and be an important part (center of attention) of what was going on around me. Through the years I used this imaginary world to go and sit and talk. Imagine in an imagination what could be, what was real and what was achievable.
It was a world developed through time, color and experience. I gave the fields, forests and objects all names. There were fields of golden color and trees so high. In the center of all this was my resting place. I imagined I walked through the field and the forests to get there. But it was the center of my world. Created for me by me.
A huge pond surrounded by flowers and plants of different size and colors. It was always shady there as the trees loomed overhead. When I would get to this place, ( the pond) I would announce the day light to go and the stars of night to come. I would command the trees from high above to part and show me the sky as the stars twinked and the full moon always rose.
I would then sit on a rock. I called it the rock of knowledge. I named it that due to it was where I sat everytime I went there and made my decisions, wishes, hopes and dreams. It knew all.
Around the pond were staffs of gold lit with fire casting different shadows and dancing on the waters surface. Fireflies would zip through the air and crickets fill the clearing with music.
I loved this place. For so many years I had gone there and resolved, dreamed and dreamed of dreams.

Last segment


October 2005
After spending six years of healing, analyzing and accepting my divorce and the predicament I was in as a father, I had decided to give love another try. I met a lady 10 years my youth. Scary at first, I opened up. Let myself fall to the fate of what love could bring. I had learned a lot about relationships, communication, and what it meant to really have existence and to share without considerations and how to do it unconditionally. I was at the mercy of life and love.
About 4 months into the relationship, we had decided to move her in with me. We took all the furniture in the home outside and brought each piece back in one at a time and arranged it together. This was now our home. I felt no discontent to sharing and compromise. I listened and learned about my new partner.
By about 5months into the relationship, I came to state that she had become my best friend, partner, companion and lover, and finally told her that I loved her. It was a big deal to me to say those words. I was totally exposed, all except my secret.
At about 7 months into things, I had grown so comfortable with this person and love. So many nights I would lie next to her listening to her breath and feel her legs twisted with mine. I would close my eyes and feel a comfort and warmth that I knew only being in true love could bring. I was in heaven.
One night, I lay there in bed with her sleeping next to me and drifted away to my special world. I had gone to my place and sat on my rock and was thinking about all the things I needed to. While sitting on my rock, starring into the nights sky, I heard a rustle amongst my surroundings and a voice call my name. I had invited no one and commanded nothing like this. I yelled out who was there and the voice said my ladies name.
What had happened was that I had fallen to sleep and was dreaming I was still in my world. My love next to me was talking to me and I to her in my sleep. I awoke only to find her there looking down on me and talking to me.
The next morning she wanted to talk to me about the night before. She was asking me questions about what I was saying in my sleep. I told her I was just in a dream. Later that same morning, I confided in her about my secret. My imaginary world had been visited and I couldn’t keep the secret anymore. My imaginary world was no longer a place that I had only been.
After that, I no longer went back to my imaginary world. I found complete confidence and trust to talk to my partner about all my things and valued her advise and opinions. We were building a life together.
2009
My relationship ended. I tried to go back to visit my imaginary world. It wasn’t the same. I knew she had been there and the way things had ended, I knew I could never go back. All in one days time, I lost my best friend, partner, companion, lover, and the imaginary world I kept secret. I was now, truly alone.
The end