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Topic: Would you say this was normal?
BonnyMiss's photo
Wed 09/09/09 01:35 PM
What would you think if your partner hung on to a friendship of the opposite sex during the course of your relationship? Here is an example of what I am talking about.......... A male friend of mine has been through two marriages (both marriages broke up for various reasons) he had a female friend (and still continues to befriend this woman) even after his two divorces, both of his ex wives were not too keen on his friendship with the lady friend in question.My friend is insisting that his friendship with his female friend is purely platonic, now that his second marriage has hit the dirt he has taken to escorting his female "platonic female friend" to dinner and various outings and has said that any woman he gets involved with in the future will have to put up with his friend or hit the road.He also states he has never been sexually involved with the lady in question ............ Do you think this is "normal" behaviour? Is it as he is saying that people should accept that a man and a woman can be friends without jumping into bed?

franshade's photo
Wed 09/09/09 01:37 PM
yes I believe men and women can have platonic relationships.

no photo
Wed 09/09/09 01:37 PM
Um, I have lots of male friends that I don't want to sleep with, and I'm sure the feeling is mutual. Men and women can be friends, if they're mature.

Innocent81's photo
Wed 09/09/09 01:37 PM
H..E..Double Hockey Sticks NO! He obviously has a better connection/love for her than he ever will with any lady, so he should just date her!

FreneteicAmnesic's photo
Wed 09/09/09 01:38 PM
My best friend is a girl and our relationship is,always has been, and always will be completely platonic...

no photo
Wed 09/09/09 01:39 PM

My best friend is a girl and our relationship is,always has been, and always will be completely platonic...


Thank you!!! A mature man, I love it!!flowerforyou

Innocent81's photo
Wed 09/09/09 01:40 PM
Now Im not saying men and women cant be friends, cuz it can work, but when you're willing to let two marriages go cuz of your friend, then something is obviously up. He just needs to figure out if he is actually in love with his friend, or if they could ever work! Im guessing they love eachother more than they are fessing up to, they just dont want to lose a friendship, which I understand, but it is weird!

BonnyMiss's photo
Wed 09/09/09 01:41 PM
At the cost of upsetting the person you are supposed to be in love with? I told him he should have practised a bit of caution, now that both of his marriages are over, it has given both of his ex wifes ammo to use against him, especially now that they are seen out and about having cosy dinners and drinks out in little country pubs.

franshade's photo
Wed 09/09/09 01:41 PM

Now Im not saying men and women cant be friends, cuz it can work, but when you're willing to let two marriages go cuz of your friend, then something is obviously up. He just needs to figure out if he is actually in love with his friend, or if they could ever work! Im guessing they love eachother more than they are fessing up to, they just dont want to lose a friendship, which I understand, but it is weird!

Marriages dissolved for various reasons Bonny didn't mention it was due to the friend in question.

Ted14621's photo
Wed 09/09/09 01:42 PM

My best friend is a girl and our relationship is,always has been, and always will be completely platonic...

Mine too. Hats off to Maritza!!

no photo
Wed 09/09/09 01:42 PM
I'd never end a friendship just because someone else felt threatened, I don't care what gender they happened to be; that's their insecurity, not my problem. Friendships last longer than marriages. Unless two people are mutually attracted to each other, and have no self control, there shouldn't be a problem with being just friends.

franshade's photo
Wed 09/09/09 01:43 PM

At the cost of upsetting the person you are supposed to be in love with? I told him he should have practised a bit of caution, now that both of his marriages are over, it has given both of his ex wifes ammo to use against him, especially now that they are seen out and about having cosy dinners and drinks out in little country pubs.


Ammo for what Bonny?

no photo
Wed 09/09/09 01:44 PM

At the cost of upsetting the person you are supposed to be in love with? I told him he should have practised a bit of caution, now that both of his marriages are over, it has given both of his ex wifes ammo to use against him, especially now that they are seen out and about having cosy dinners and drinks out in little country pubs.


It's still their paranoia, would they have been upset if he spent "too much time" with a male friend? If not, they're being paranoid. Not every woman and man wants to bed each other, at least I hope not!laugh

Innocent81's photo
Wed 09/09/09 01:44 PM


Now Im not saying men and women cant be friends, cuz it can work, but when you're willing to let two marriages go cuz of your friend, then something is obviously up. He just needs to figure out if he is actually in love with his friend, or if they could ever work! Im guessing they love eachother more than they are fessing up to, they just dont want to lose a friendship, which I understand, but it is weird!

Marriages dissolved for various reasons Bonny didn't mention it was due to the friend in question.


I understand that, but both of the women he was married to disliked the situation, so it couldve led to the divorces.
I am not against men/women being just friends, my best friend back home is a guy, just not as close as they are!

earthytaurus76's photo
Wed 09/09/09 01:44 PM
I dont think that doing all things with her as going on DATES with her, and outings make this a friendship.


Sounds like an "emotional affair" O yes these happen all the time.



It doesnt matter if they are having sex.

IMO some things should be between only 2 in a rleationship to make it truly special.


All of my male friends know they take a backseat when theres a new man in my life.

YES we remain friends... But No we dont go out, and etc.

So whats sacred to this man? only sex? And if the line is driven that close.. ya think he really doesnt ever cross it?


You KNOW this woman knowss alll his dirt too.

BonnyMiss's photo
Wed 09/09/09 01:47 PM

Now Im not saying men and women cant be friends, cuz it can work, but when you're willing to let two marriages go cuz of your friend, then something is obviously up. He just needs to figure out if he is actually in love with his friend, or if they could ever work! Im guessing they love eachother more than they are fessing up to, they just dont want to lose a friendship, which I understand, but it is weird!


I totally agree with you on this one (based on the person I know)I don't think her family would accept him as he is White and she is Asian ( Indian) He says if he was in love with her he probably would have asked her to marry him instead of marrying someone else when he got married for the second time.......... I still doubt him, because of the way he talks about her (constantly) he rigs her every day (and she rings him) something does not ring true.As much as I would like to believe and trust my friends, I smell something fishy here.For the record, I have many male freinds and yes, men and women can be friends without being sexually involved.

BonnyMiss's photo
Wed 09/09/09 01:50 PM


At the cost of upsetting the person you are supposed to be in love with? I told him he should have practised a bit of caution, now that both of his marriages are over, it has given both of his ex wifes ammo to use against him, especially now that they are seen out and about having cosy dinners and drinks out in little country pubs.


Ammo for what Bonny?


Wife number two is using his friendship as a weapon for their break-up.They are not yet divorced.

no photo
Wed 09/09/09 01:50 PM
Edited by Calleigh12 on Wed 09/09/09 01:52 PM


Now Im not saying men and women cant be friends, cuz it can work, but when you're willing to let two marriages go cuz of your friend, then something is obviously up. He just needs to figure out if he is actually in love with his friend, or if they could ever work! Im guessing they love eachother more than they are fessing up to, they just dont want to lose a friendship, which I understand, but it is weird!


I totally agree with you on this one (based on the person I know)I don't think her family would accept him as he is White and she is Asian ( Indian) He says if he was in love with her he probably would have asked her to marry him instead of marrying someone else when he got married for the second time.......... I still doubt him, because of the way he talks about her (constantly) he rigs her every day (and she rings him) something does not ring true.As much as I would like to believe and trust my friends, I smell something fishy here.For the record, I have many male freinds and yes, men and women can be friends without being sexually involved.


I guess I can only speak for myself, and everyone thinks I'm weird/crazy for how I think. I can be just friends with a guy and I have guy friends who are not into me- at all. But like I said, I'm weird....thankfully.

Also, if he's like me and doesn't like people telling him what to do, he might have remained friends with her out of spite.:wink: laugh

Innocent81's photo
Wed 09/09/09 01:51 PM

I dont think that doing all things with her as going on DATES with her, and outings make this a friendship.


Sounds like an "emotional affair" O yes these happen all the time.



It doesnt matter if they are having sex.

IMO some things should be between only 2 in a rleationship to make it truly special.


All of my male friends know they take a backseat when theres a new man in my life.

YES we remain friends... But No we dont go out, and etc.

So whats sacred to this man? only sex? And if the line is driven that close.. ya think he really doesnt ever cross it?


You KNOW this woman knowss alll his dirt too.



Well said!

franshade's photo
Wed 09/09/09 01:51 PM



At the cost of upsetting the person you are supposed to be in love with? I told him he should have practised a bit of caution, now that both of his marriages are over, it has given both of his ex wifes ammo to use against him, especially now that they are seen out and about having cosy dinners and drinks out in little country pubs.


Ammo for what Bonny?


Wife number two is using his friendship as a weapon for their break-up.They are not yet divorced.


Didn't think people used reasons, excuses any more - everything is so disposable now especially relationships, didnt occur to me

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