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| Topic: Real Love Doesn't Hurt | |
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heartsoul, you may want to look at the gross travesty and flaws of VAWA and how many men are abused each year, and how many are falsely arrested. There is a big problem in this country with female to male agression and abuse, and we are just only now starting to wake up regarding this serious problem. VAWA needs to die. It's not mutual, it's biased. I can only speak from the woman's perspective. I'm sure men and women have been falsely accused of committing domestic violence. I'm one of them. Whomever is doing the battering is wrong in my book. |
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Heart and my friends put alot of love into this thread.....  needed a bump Thanks newark... Sending you much love my friend 
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Edited by
Jtevans
on
Thu 01/14/10 10:08 PM
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my ex brother-n-law's wife is in jail for abuse to my niece.not sure what started it but she beat my niece with the buckle of her belt and my niece i guess has bruises and scrapes on her lower back and her hands (she was using her hands to protect her face).btw my niece is 14 yrs old
my mom and most of us are just waiting for this b1tch to get out of jail  
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my ex brother-n-law's wife is in jail for abuse to my niece.not sure what started it but she beat my niece with the buckle of her belt and my niece i guess has bruises and scrapes on her lower back and her hands (she was using her hands to protect her face).btw my niece is 14 yrs old my mom and most of us are just waiting for this b1tch to get out of jail That's just horrible.  What is wrong with people. If you are unable to communicate with a child, beating them will not make them talk to you. This person needs to stay locked up! |
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Edited by
heartSoul
on
Sun 01/17/10 05:05 PM
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 Just a feeling someone needs to read it 
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Edited by
CatsLoveMe
on
Fri 01/22/10 11:36 PM
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For the record Domestic Violence is not just violence against women. Men are much more frequently the victims than the statistics show. While it isn't always as severe in the area of physical abuse often times the economic, psycological, and familial abuse can be profound. Men will stay for years tolerateing whatever to stay with children or because economiclly they can't manage looseing the majority of their resources and sometimes their employment. Or feaing jail for various made up offenses. Physical abuse does exist. Slapping, hair pulling, kicking, pinching (especially of genitals), scratching, scaldings, stabbings, contusions, poisoning, starvation, and murder. Sadly most male victims and their families let shame hide the abuse even when it is recognized. Few shelters exist and sadly abusesive females often still get custody of minor children who they ultimately abuse also. With the growing acceptance of fighting, belonging to gangs, drug use, and social acceptance of women "fighting back" and abuseing siblings it is expected that domestic violence against men will skyrocket. Since being "believed" is a major hurdle if you suspect abuse is going on with a co-worker, friend, or loveone offering help is critical. Often life saving. Abandonment, alcoholism, suicide, and homicide are poor solutions but they are occuring. Thank you for addressing this. I am sick and tired of this gross stereotype of women are always the victim. Men are physically superior to women. What a bunch of bull. Men fall victim to verbal, emotional, and physical abuse from women every day. And many men end up incarcerated due to society's prejudice against men in relationships. Thankfully, and praise to God, I won my case in a jury of 6 which took 5 months to resolve, I was found not guilty. My fault was that I loved the woman too much, I never thought this alcoholic woman was capable of pinning a false accusation, and I was blindsided by this cheating woman 6 months ago. It's extremely difficult for a man to be found not guilty by jury in a DV case, but it is possible, especially if you know without a doubt, you never harmed her, and you hire a private attorney, not a public defender, and you absolutely do not plea to a lesser charge. |
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What a wonderful Thread!!!!!
The best I have ever seen!!! Information is power! and this thread is kick-*** If just one woman reads it and it helps or one woman decides to volunter at the local safe house You have done the job! Thank you Tammy 
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Edited by
Gossipmpm
on
Sat 01/23/10 07:05 AM
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What a wonderful Thread!!!!!
The best I have ever seen!!! Information is power! and this thread is kick-*** If just one woman reads it and it helps or one woman decides to volunter at the local safe house You have done the job! Thank you Tammy Well I guess this is a good time for a double post! |
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As all know... it's just a vicious circle, one that is so hard to break. I enjoyed this thread, thank you for sharing... and I'm so sorry for all who have to this type of thing in their life. I know that the emotional abuse for me, lasted so much longer than the physical in fact, the thoughts that continue to haunt me today, are the hateful and degrading words that belittle and suck the life from your spirit leaving you empty and hollow... How does one overcome years of constant abuse? I wish knew...
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Edited by
heartSoul
on
Sat 01/23/10 12:49 PM
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For the record Domestic Violence is not just violence against women. Men are much more frequently the victims than the statistics show. While it isn't always as severe in the area of physical abuse often times the economic, psycological, and familial abuse can be profound. Men will stay for years tolerateing whatever to stay with children or because economiclly they can't manage looseing the majority of their resources and sometimes their employment. Or feaing jail for various made up offenses. Physical abuse does exist. Slapping, hair pulling, kicking, pinching (especially of genitals), scratching, scaldings, stabbings, contusions, poisoning, starvation, and murder. Sadly most male victims and their families let shame hide the abuse even when it is recognized. Few shelters exist and sadly abusesive females often still get custody of minor children who they ultimately abuse also. With the growing acceptance of fighting, belonging to gangs, drug use, and social acceptance of women "fighting back" and abuseing siblings it is expected that domestic violence against men will skyrocket. Since being "believed" is a major hurdle if you suspect abuse is going on with a co-worker, friend, or loveone offering help is critical. Often life saving. Abandonment, alcoholism, suicide, and homicide are poor solutions but they are occuring. Thank you for addressing this. I am sick and tired of this gross stereotype of women are always the victim. Men are physically superior to women. What a bunch of bull. Men fall victim to verbal, emotional, and physical abuse from women every day. And many men end up incarcerated due to society's prejudice against men in relationships. Thankfully, and praise to God, I won my case in a jury of 6 which took 5 months to resolve, I was found not guilty. My fault was that I loved the woman too much, I never thought this alcoholic woman was capable of pinning a false accusation, and I was blindsided by this cheating woman 6 months ago. It's extremely difficult for a man to be found not guilty by jury in a DV case, but it is possible, especially if you know without a doubt, you never harmed her, and you hire a private attorney, not a public defender, and you absolutely do not plea to a lesser charge. It is a sad thing when someone is accused of any form of violence and it not be true. I have been accused also, and had to go to court over the matter. After the judge saw the pictures of my face, he knew I was in no shape to harm anyone, let alone a 6'3", 275 lb. man. No matter who is going through this know that you are never alone. |
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The Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men and Women has been helping those in need for a number of years. It is run and operated by unpaid volunteers who have devoted enormous amounts of time to ensuring that both male and female victims of domestic abuse get the help and respect they need to free themselves from violent relationships. Please read what follows and do what you can to help them to keep helping others. For assistance, call 1-888-7HELPLINE (1-888-743-5754) |
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What a wonderful Thread!!!!! The best I have ever seen!!! Information is power! and this thread is kick-*** If just one woman reads it and it helps or one woman decides to volunter at the local safe house You have done the job! Thank you Tammy Well I guess this is a good time for a double post! YW! I feel I have to do whatever it takes to spread the word. The violence will continue as long as it's kept in the dark. Sad but true fact. |
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As all know... it's just a vicious circle, one that is so hard to break. I enjoyed this thread, thank you for sharing... and I'm so sorry for all who have to this type of thing in their life. I know that the emotional abuse for me, lasted so much longer than the physical in fact, the thoughts that continue to haunt me today, are the hateful and degrading words that belittle and suck the life from your spirit leaving you empty and hollow... How does one overcome years of constant abuse? I wish knew... Are You a Domestic Violence Survivor? "Surviving" is a subject that brings up many questions about overcoming domestic violence. Those who are in abusive relationships or who have left abusive partners are often referred to as victims, former victims, or survivors. To some, they are all just terms with common meanings. To others, the terms may share a commonality in experience (domestic violence and abuse) - but they indicate a different level of progress or stage in a person's outlook on life and the role abuse is allowed or not allowed to play. In the opening text of my book, "Dear Lord, Deliver Me From This Hell", readers find the following comment: The definition of "survival" is: (1) act or fact of surviving; continuance of life; living or lasting longer than others; (2) person, thing, custom, or belief, etc., that has lasted from an earlier time. I have lived past domestic violence, I have outlasted that point in time when I was a victim and moved past it. I found the person inside myself who could not accept domestic violence and made it past that stage in my life to find another way. In short, I regained my self - my own person, welfare, interests and beliefs. In 1991 I resolved to have a better life by escaping the abusive marriage. I never turned back. My intent in that opening paragraph is to make one point clear - being a victim and being a survivor are two different things. As the reader of this article, I ask that you consider this concept. Why? Because those who have moved past domestic violence are at a different stage of their life than those who remain there - and understanding that difference will help you to see how domestic violence and abusive relationships are overcome by the individual, and ultimately overcome by society. The difference in those stages makes all the difference in the world. Not that one (a "victim" or a "survivor") is personally "better" or more intelligent than the other. However, the connotations of the two terms carries a significant difference in their meanings; and therefore has definite implication toward the future of the individual person and societal understanding of the phenomenon of domestic abuse. Surviving means more than just having lived through yesterday's verbal abuse or last night's physical beating. It means more than just "you are still alive today". For many, surviving means that you have left the emotional, mental and physical captivity of an abuser and have committed yourself to moving on to an improved lifestyle. It also means you have learned or are learning a lot, and accept your inability to change the impossible. It means you also see what you can change and are committed to making that change. So "what's a victim then?" you might ask. A victim is someone who is still trapped in the relationship. Still trying to resolve the problem and take accountability for the abuser's actions. Still feeling responsible to solve the abusers problems in dealing with others. A victim is still an emotional and mental captive to the abuser's never ending book of tricks and deception. The mental and emotional abuses still work - the victim is dragged back in time and time again by: * Guilt-playing on the part of the abuser * Accepting blame for things they (the victim) did not do * Believing they can somehow help change something for a partner who wants no help * Seeing the failure as their own instead of the abuser's deliberate attempts to make them (the victim) feel that way * Enabling the abuse to continue by hoping the abuser will change and remaining or returning to the relationship Some individuals also remain victims even after leaving the relationship. They continue to hope that somehow the abusive partner will change. They allow the abuser to continue blaming them, lay unreasonable guilt on them, violate restraining orders or protective orders, threaten them in phone calls. In some of these situations, the victim seeks help from social programs, a counselor or therapist or friends and family; and then fool themselves by defending their hopes and disagreeing with or not utilizing the suggestions and help given to them. A survivor does not do any of those things. A survivor is a former victim. A survivor faces their challenges and becomes empowered by those same challenges. A survivor says to their self, "OK, I can't change this relationship or the abuser, but I can change my life and stop contributing to this situation." A survivor makes a commitment to rid themselves and their life of the perpetrator (abuser). Whereas a victim continues to feel helpless and accept blame, a survivor gathers together their courage and demonstrates their strength in spite of their fears. A survivor stops listening to the verbal and emotional abuse that tears down their self-esteem - and says "No, that's not true. I am capable. I may be afraid, I may feel defeated and hopeless, but I can change this situation by putting it behind. I will face that challenge and I will not give up! I am not helping myself or the abuser by remaining in this sick relationship." And that point in their life is a significant turning point for the victim who becomes a survivor. Perhaps that phrase, "turning point", says it all. A survivor has reached the turning point that a victim still cannot see. Reaching that turning point and making the commitment to change their life marks the place in time where one becomes a survivor and refuses to be a victim any longer. That doesn't mean it's easy; that doesn't mean a survivor wakes up one day and suddenly everything is "a piece of cake" and perfectly clear. We still need support; we still have to heal many emotional traumas from a myriad of abuse. For me it was acknowledging that I was a survivor and no longer a victim. You can forgive if you want, but NEVER EVER forget! For this evil vicious act to end we must shine a light on it and never let it thrive in the darkness. 
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Break The Cycle: Teen Dating Violence and Prevention Week
February 5 through 9 was "National Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Week". Unfortunately, it went unnoticed throughout most of the country. However, teen dating violence is on the rise, and for the most part going unreported. Teens from already abusive families are the most likely to continue the cycle and allow their partner to abuse them. Break The Cycle (breakthecycle.org) and its sister site for teens, thesafespace.org, are working for change. According to the Journal of the American Medical Association, in 2001 one-third of teens report experiencing some kind of abuse in their romantic relationships, including verbal and emotional abuse. And these are just the teens who actually report the violence over five years ago. Just as with adult victims of domestic violence, teens are not likely to report violence... or drop charges against their abusers or go back because the abuser promises to change. Break The Cycle (BTC) is a site designed for teachers, parents and other adults in the lives of teens. The organization provides programs designed to "engage, educate and empower the community to help young people build lives free from violence." BTC also provides advice, referrals, legal information, advocacy and counsel to young people ages 12 to 24, and the people who care about them. BTC encourages engaging the community by simply helping someone in the community either through BTC itself or volunteering with a domestic violence organization, supporting federal funding for such programs. Curriculum is available on the BTC website for purchase to help educate teens on dating violence. Ask to host a class at your local youth center, church, or school (or ask if your school is going to be holding an assembly on the subject). Encourage teachers to teach about dating violence in the classroom. If nothing else, teach your teen about violence and why it is not right. There are activities (such as crosswords and mazes) free for downloading and printing on the website. Empowerment is what makes the most difference. An empowered victim will not allow their abuser to continue the abuse. BTC encourages empowerment for both the teens and their parents and teachers. BTC offers many suggestions on how to help empower the general public on teen violence, including the following: - Investigate how well your state laws protect teen victims of relationship abuse. - Ask a local coffee house to hold an open mic night where people can speak out against domestic violence. - Find out if your school has a policy about domestic violence on campus. If not, encourage them to adopt one. - Hold an essay, poetry or art contest around the theme of dating violence and healthy relationships. Get a local school, art gallery or mall to display the winners. - Make it okay to talk about dating violence at your schools, church or workplace. Post flyers, publicize local resources and invite experts to come speak. But all of this can amount to a hill of beans if your teen is suffering in silence. Your own teen may be in an abusive relationship and not telling one-or not feeling safe enough to tell anyone without serious repercussions. BTC offers a completely anonymous sister site, thesafespace.org. The Safe Space (TSS) offers help to teens who need help. There is a place to speak out and counselors to dialogue through email with your teen. TSS also gives information on what to do if you think your friend is being abused, on calling the police and reporting violence, obtaining a restraining order and other legal information. The best part about The Safe Space is teens realize they are not alone. Broaching the subject of abuse may be the most difficult thing for a parent to do. But Break The Cycle and The Safe Space make it easier. If you notice any of the following warning signs, it is time to speak with your teen immediately: - Your teen's partner behaves in a way that is extremely jealous or possessive, such as checking in on your daughter or son often - You hear verbal abuse, such as name-calling and demeaning comments - Your teen gives up things that are important, such as time with friends and family, activities, or other interests - Your teen has unexplained injuries - Your teen's partner abuses other people or animals If you have additional questions, or suspect that your teen may be a victim of domestic violence, visit the BTC website, or call or email Break the Cycle from anywhere in the US: help@breakthecycle.org or 888.988.TEEN. With help from friends and family teens can break the cycle of violence plaguing our society. |
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Child Molestation Prevention
Signs and Symptoms of Child Sexual Abuse Signs That a Person Is a Sexual Abuser Often after a child abuser has been revealed, those closest to the situation will recall feeling that something was wrong, without knowing how to address it or what to say. Abusers count on this feeling of confusion and reticence to cover their tracks. Instead of remaining silent, parents should learn to question the behavior that produces these feelings. Some questionable behaviors, according to a booklet on child sexual abuse produced by the organization STOP IT NOW!©, include when an adult or older child: • Insists on hugging, touching, kissing, tickling, wrestling with or holding a child even when the child does not want this affection. • Is overly interested in the sexuality of a particular child or teen (for example, talks repeatedly about the child’s developing body). • Insists on time alone with a child with no interruptions. • Spends most of his or her spare time with children and has little interest in spending time with someone of his or her own age. • Regularly offers to baby-sit children for free or takes children on overnight outings alone. • Buys children expensive gifts or gives them money for no apparent reason. • Frequently walks in on children or teens in the bathroom. Trust your instincts. If questioning these behaviors does not produce change, or if the answers do not seem acceptable, remove your children from contact with that person. Signs That a Child Has Been Sexually Abused No one sign (with the exception of pregnancy or the presence of a sexually transmitted disease) is conclusive as to whether a child has been sexually abused or not. Nightmares or mood swings can be produced by other stressful events, including divorce, death of a family member, problems at school, etc. If you observe a combination of signs in your child, such as these provided by STOP IT NOW!, Mothers Against Sexual Abuse and the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, start asking questions and reaching out for help. Does your child: • Have nightmares, sleep too little or too much? • Have extreme fear of the dark or “monsters?” • Have a loss of appetite or trouble eating or swallowing? • Have sudden mood swings: rage, anger, fear or withdrawal? • Fear a certain person or place? (A child may not want to be left alone with a babysitter, friend, relative or other child or adult.) • Complain frequently of stomach illness with no identifiable reason? • Engage in sexual activities with toys or other children, such as simulating sex with dolls or asking other children to behave sexually? • Display new words for private body parts? • Refuse to talk about a “secret” he has with an older child or adult? • Talk about a new older friend? • Suddenly have money? • Cut, burn or harm himself or herself as an adolescent? Other signs include excessive masturbation, excessive crying, wearing many layers of clothing, vaginal discharge or bleeding. Call the STOP IT NOW! Helpline at 1-888-PREVENT for more information, or contact your child’s pediatrician for a recommendation of a therapist who deals with sexual abuse issues. http://www.parenthood.com/article-topics/warning_signs_of_child_sexual_abuse.html |
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heartsoul, you may want to look at the gross travesty and flaws of VAWA and how many men are abused each year, and how many are falsely arrested. There is a big problem in this country with female to male agression and abuse, and we are just only now starting to wake up regarding this serious problem. VAWA needs to die. It's not mutual, it's biased. I can only speak from the woman's perspective. I'm sure men and women have been falsely accused of committing domestic violence. I'm one of them. Whomever is doing the battering is wrong in my book. NOW,,,Will you MARRY ME??????????    
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