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| Topic: Too much? | |
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I'm a 'hold no punches' kinda girl. Is my profile too much? Will anyone take the time to read my novel or should I make it shorter?
All feedback is welcome! Please be honest. I'm new to the human e-bay, errr... I mean dating sites so I'm sort of clueless. |
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I liked it!!!
Welcome Tammy 
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Thank you Tammy.
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You had me at "I freakin love Starbucks" LOL
Cheers |
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 right? Thanks JOHNN111
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Kudos on the long-term sobriety, that is something I strongly believe in, and you should get some credit for that.
(Although I will say that, for me anyway, it's been virtually impossible to find any non-drinkers here. Just seems to go with the territory.) As for the profile -- you've put a lot of information into it, which is a good thing. Most people don't. Most people leave it blank or put "I don't know what to write here" or "Anything you want to know, you'll have to ask." Not exactly the sort of thing that makes me want to know more about them! The only nitpick I have with your profile text -- and, as an author, I may simply be more aware of this sort of thing -- is that all of your sentences start with "I" -- and you're writing about yourself, so some use of "I" is inevitable, but it reads a little sledge-hammerish with the rat-a-tat "I's" jumping out at you. Maybe a little variation in sentence structure would be helpful. As for the pics -- you could use one that shows your face more clearly. Still, your profile is far better than most! Good luck! |
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Hmmm... very good advice LexFonteyne. It is certainly not my intent to come off "sledge-hammerish". I'm trying to get dates here! lol Would you be so kind as to give me some suggestions on how to formulate some of my sentences without using "I". After all, I am a truck driver/recovering addict. Proper grammer has never been my forte. haha You can send it in an email if you'd rather keep it out of the forum.
Thank you for your feedback. I appreciate it!! |
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Edited by
2KidsMom
on
Thu 10/29/09 01:55 PM
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  Nice profile. Welcome and good luck |
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omg its was awesome much much better than the i dont know what to say here and hey its nice to know about a person before you talk to them and after reading that i feel like i know you which is really nice. As for is it too much I think hell no its perfect and i didnt even notice hte "I" thing. Well good luck finding someone!
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Hmmm... very good advice LexFonteyne. It is certainly not my intent to come off "sledge-hammerish". I'm trying to get dates here! lol Would you be so kind as to give me some suggestions on how to formulate some of my sentences without using "I". After all, I am a truck driver/recovering addict. Proper grammer has never been my forte. haha You can send it in an email if you'd rather keep it out of the forum. Thank you for your feedback. I appreciate it!! I'll give you a brief example of what I'm talking about. Let's say you saw this in a profile: "I like to go bowling. I like to go to the mall and buy giant plastic statues of Millard Fillmore. I think about what it would be like to be a llama." OK, that's a little repetitive as a sentence-structure format. So I would reword it as something like this: "I like to go bowling. But you can't bowl 24 hours a day (unless there's something seriously wrong), so sometimes I'll hop in the car and go to the mall, where they sell these giant statues of Millard Fillmore that I like to collect. That's another story. Speaking of other stories, did you ever wonder what it would be like to be a llama? Probably not many people think about stuff like that, but I do." For me, one thing that makes or breaks a profile (assuming there's any content there in the first place!) is the writing style the person uses. Some are just more "readable" -- and I know there are those who will tell you "Don't bother, guys don't read profiles, they just look at the pictures." But that's not true for all of us! |
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Love it, esp. the honesty, very rare these days!
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Hmmm... very good advice LexFonteyne. It is certainly not my intent to come off "sledge-hammerish". I'm trying to get dates here! lol Would you be so kind as to give me some suggestions on how to formulate some of my sentences without using "I". After all, I am a truck driver/recovering addict. Proper grammer has never been my forte. haha You can send it in an email if you'd rather keep it out of the forum. Thank you for your feedback. I appreciate it!! I'll give you a brief example of what I'm talking about. Let's say you saw this in a profile: "I like to go bowling. I like to go to the mall and buy giant plastic statues of Millard Fillmore. I think about what it would be like to be a llama." OK, that's a little repetitive as a sentence-structure format. So I would reword it as something like this: "I like to go bowling. But you can't bowl 24 hours a day (unless there's something seriously wrong), so sometimes I'll hop in the car and go to the mall, where they sell these giant statues of Millard Fillmore that I like to collect. That's another story. Speaking of other stories, did you ever wonder what it would be like to be a llama? Probably not many people think about stuff like that, but I do." For me, one thing that makes or breaks a profile (assuming there's any content there in the first place!) is the writing style the person uses. Some are just more "readable" -- and I know there are those who will tell you "Don't bother, guys don't read profiles, they just look at the pictures." But that's not true for all of us! O.K. this is going to be a challenge! I see I have my work cut out for me. Speaking of work, I'd better get going or they might decide to fire me. That would be a shame because my job is really fun. You know what else is fun for me? Going to amusement parks and the zoo. Kind of like that? 
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Looks good
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Hmmm... very good advice LexFonteyne. It is certainly not my intent to come off "sledge-hammerish". I'm trying to get dates here! lol Would you be so kind as to give me some suggestions on how to formulate some of my sentences without using "I". After all, I am a truck driver/recovering addict. Proper grammer has never been my forte. haha You can send it in an email if you'd rather keep it out of the forum. Thank you for your feedback. I appreciate it!! I'll give you a brief example of what I'm talking about. Let's say you saw this in a profile: "I like to go bowling. I like to go to the mall and buy giant plastic statues of Millard Fillmore. I think about what it would be like to be a llama." OK, that's a little repetitive as a sentence-structure format. So I would reword it as something like this: "I like to go bowling. But you can't bowl 24 hours a day (unless there's something seriously wrong), so sometimes I'll hop in the car and go to the mall, where they sell these giant statues of Millard Fillmore that I like to collect. That's another story. Speaking of other stories, did you ever wonder what it would be like to be a llama? Probably not many people think about stuff like that, but I do." For me, one thing that makes or breaks a profile (assuming there's any content there in the first place!) is the writing style the person uses. Some are just more "readable" -- and I know there are those who will tell you "Don't bother, guys don't read profiles, they just look at the pictures." But that's not true for all of us! O.K. this is going to be a challenge! I see I have my work cut out for me. Speaking of work, I'd better get going or they might decide to fire me. That would be a shame because my job is really fun. You know what else is fun for me? Going to amusement parks and the zoo. Kind of like that? Exactly! Sometimes the "stream of consciousness," random tangential-style narrative is the way to go! 
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omg its was awesome much much better than the i dont know what to say here and hey its nice to know about a person before you talk to them and after reading that i feel like i know you which is really nice. As for is it too much I think hell no its perfect and i didnt even notice hte "I" thing. Well good luck finding someone! 
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Hmmm... very good advice LexFonteyne. It is certainly not my intent to come off "sledge-hammerish". I'm trying to get dates here! lol Would you be so kind as to give me some suggestions on how to formulate some of my sentences without using "I". After all, I am a truck driver/recovering addict. Proper grammer has never been my forte. haha You can send it in an email if you'd rather keep it out of the forum. Thank you for your feedback. I appreciate it!! I'll give you a brief example of what I'm talking about. Let's say you saw this in a profile: "I like to go bowling. I like to go to the mall and buy giant plastic statues of Millard Fillmore. I think about what it would be like to be a llama." OK, that's a little repetitive as a sentence-structure format. So I would reword it as something like this: "I like to go bowling. But you can't bowl 24 hours a day (unless there's something seriously wrong), so sometimes I'll hop in the car and go to the mall, where they sell these giant statues of Millard Fillmore that I like to collect. That's another story. Speaking of other stories, did you ever wonder what it would be like to be a llama? Probably not many people think about stuff like that, but I do." For me, one thing that makes or breaks a profile (assuming there's any content there in the first place!) is the writing style the person uses. Some are just more "readable" -- and I know there are those who will tell you "Don't bother, guys don't read profiles, they just look at the pictures." But that's not true for all of us! O.K. this is going to be a challenge! I see I have my work cut out for me. Speaking of work, I'd better get going or they might decide to fire me. That would be a shame because my job is really fun. You know what else is fun for me? Going to amusement parks and the zoo. Kind of like that? Exactly! Sometimes the "stream of consciousness," random tangential-style narrative is the way to go! Huh?  I'm sooo going to disappoint you. I can spruce it up a little but I gotta be me. lol
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Looks good
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Love it, esp. the honesty, very rare these days! Thank you PATSFAN. |
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