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| Topic: I'm In Big Trouble!!! | |
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Personally I think your plan has disaster written all over it. This potential room mate has already proven he is not a good money manager. That is just what you need getting stuck with someone elses money problems to worry you while trying to get through bootcamp. Since people tend to be a little reckless just before going to the service the chances that this arrangement is NOT going to be strictly plutonic is very good. Just what you don't need on your work record; geting pregnant and washing out of the service. Since it is not like you are moving back home permanently I don't see the big deal in being home during the happy time of your sister's wedding unless you are just jealouse of her getting the special attention that a sibling get prepareing for a wedding gets. Since once you get in the service you may have a really tough time getting out or at least getting back home for a very long time I would think you would want to spend the precious time you have with parents and siblings. If your parents are even twenty years older than you are things can happen to them. My Mom died of cancer at only 56. My son, in the Navy and a parent, can't afford flying home often. The likely hood you will meet and marry another service member is high so coming home again is probably a long range proposition. Since you obviousely care about your parents feelings and this is not something they feel proud of I can't see doing something that is really meaningless gesture. This guy is not someone significant in your life. Kind of like a rebel with out a cause. You have already proved you are independent living with a girlfriend and chooseing a career in the military. When you are setting alone somewhere doing guard duty do you want to be thinking about dissappointing your parents? Or making their stress level worse when it is already high enough. Sounds like you have nice parents to me. Being considerate of the people you love is a sign of maturity. I will listen to your advice as well. This guy has a good job. He's been out on sick leave due to his back. It's nothing about mismanagement. He just needs to get back on his feet where he doesn't have so much stress. Where I will be staying isn't super far from where my parents live. I visit my parents every moment I can when I can afford driving and am not working. I try to keep that relationship close. I'm not jealous of my sister getting married. Lol! I love my sister to death. My sister and I are best friends. She will be married in June. I have plenty of time with her. I know I don't want my parents to stress. I think about their health all the time. That is why I visit them all the time. I'm not in any other state or anything that would prohibit me to visit them. I just want them to know that I am okay...I have a roof over my head...and that I am eating. My mom is concerned about me not eating because I lost so much weight. *Sigh* |
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oh and i never meant that your parents are bad whatsoever.... to let u know.. they are good parents from the sounds of things for sure!! they are showing that they care about you... but facts are no one thinks alike.. and what is fine for someone may not be fine with someone else... the thing is have they really let u make your own decisions? well you all felt the same way about past things... so this incident you dont feel the same way... for only you know can decide to learn if it is right to try.. of course you arent perfect and will make some mistakes along the road.. but to learn from them is where the value comes in...
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im wondering here if it really is your parents.. or you kind of questioning yourself... think about this.. maybe you should talk to your parents tomorrow and take time to think... is it me? am i really ready to be independant? i know i want to be.. should i still let my parents make my decisions for me when im 26? cause they always have done this for me and what will i do when i dont let them make decisions for me?.... really i think before u talk to them you should figure these things out... best of luck  I am so independent. I don't want my parents to make decisions for me. They know I'm an adult. It's just this decision. I will definitely think about this. And the guy and I are supposed to talk more tonight. Thank you again for your advice. I will surely keep everyone updated. |
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oh and i never meant that your parents are bad whatsoever.... to let u know.. they are good parents from the sounds of things for sure!! they are showing that they care about you... but facts are no one thinks alike.. and what is fine for someone may not be fine with someone else... the thing is have they really let u make your own decisions? well you all felt the same way about past things... so this incident you dont feel the same way... for only you know can decide to learn if it is right to try.. of course you arent perfect and will make some mistakes along the road.. but to learn from them is where the value comes in... I know you didn't make my parents look bad...they are good...for sure. The guy and I are the same age...I'm a few months older than him. So the past situation is a little different compared to this. |
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Edited by
buttons
on
Mon 12/07/09 05:40 PM
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good luck.... im sure its hard when the first time came that you have different thoughts than your parents... but just remember that is ok... to be different or i mean think differently about something.. you are you and you are special... being no two people in the world are the same is what makes each of us unique and who we are... hugs!!!
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Since it sounds like they are only giving you the option to move home I don't see why the drama. Seeing it as "giving in" is really cutting your nose off to spite your face.
One thing you haven't thought of is living with a guy is a value that many adults: employers, future romantic isnterests, and some friends will not find acceptable. You will find plenty of people to tell you do as you wish but the key is really doing what you can live with. |
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Since it sounds like they are only giving you the option to move home I don't see why the drama. Seeing it as "giving in" is really cutting your nose off to spite your face. One thing you haven't thought of is living with a guy is a value that many adults: employers, future romantic isnterests, and some friends will not find acceptable. You will find plenty of people to tell you do as you wish but the key is really doing what you can live with. |
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Since it sounds like they are only giving you the option to move home I don't see why the drama. Seeing it as "giving in" is really cutting your nose off to spite your face. One thing you haven't thought of is living with a guy is a value that many adults: employers, future romantic isnterests, and some friends will not find acceptable. You will find plenty of people to tell you do as you wish but the key is really doing what you can live with. I see what you are saying. Thank you for your advice. So far, I haven't had any problems from friends. And I don't plan on having any romantic interests at this time. My decision is still final. I'm not going to run away from my parents. I'm still going to visit them and talk to them and such. I'm not going to let our bond break because of this. They will always be my parents...I love them. Live and learn. It's what I'm doing.
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 How long is it gonna be before this guy is saying "Oops, sorry, I didnt know you was in the shower" ? Humm did you not just say you were not a guy like that. It does amaze me for I have had guy friends live in the same house with me and that is all we were friends and nothing else. At no time did they make a move at all they knew it was a friends type situation and that is all. Believe me there are still guys out there that can keep their pants zipped up and respect a woman's wishes. As far as your parents I can understand the way they are feeling to a degree but they must learn to trust your judgment as well. Just explain to them the real situation I would actually understand it if my kids actually took the time to explain it too me and would rather have them tell me flat out then hide it from me. I think you should do what you want to but don't go at them too hard I'm sure they were thinking your last month or so would be spent with them before you have to leave. Im taking the perspective of a father.  I trust myself, but I dont trust other guys. Especially with my daughter (if I had one) So I sort of understand how Chickas parents feel about it So you're the only guy in the entire world who wouldn't bang some chick he was living with?  Especially some chick who has made it quite clear she's not interested in him? I'm sorry but I have a hard time believing every man (except you) is so desperate and depraved and pathetic that he would try to force himself on her. Because that's what it comes down to, if a woman rejects a man's advances. I like to think some men are above animal behavior.
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Okay, here's my final thought on this and then I'm out of this thread, because now it's giving me a headache. It's obvious that you're used to doing what your parents tell you to do, as someone else pointed out, so it makes sense that this is a huge issue with them. They're not used to their word not being law. I can understand that; that's why it's best to begin any relationship in a way that you can continue with- don't wait til you're nearly 30 to attempt to defy mom and dad.
If you had been living as an independent person (my definition of independent is a person who pays their own way and lives their own life, not sure what anyone else's definition is) long before now (usually at around age 18 for the average American adult) this wouldn't be a problem, because they'd be used to it, ie. they wouldn't have a voice, nor would they expect to. But it's like now you're springing something new on them and it's like you really are 18 and they have to get used to it. Kind of unfair to them really. So I have no advice for you really, mainly because it's obvious you're going to do what your parents want, as you always have. And there's nothing wrong with that, it's your family, and every family has its own dynamics. Best of luck and I hope you have a safe return when you get out of the military.
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Thank you everyone for all your two cents!
I'm happy to say that my parents and I are on better terms again. My mom said that they will respect my wishes in what I do. They do want to see where I live and meet my new roommate. I think with the sudden news of me moving in with a guy threw them off guard...as them asking me threw me off guard. Things weren't handled in a mature way. I'm glad this issue was slept through. I feel so much better. To top it off, I just got hired at another job. My stress level has been lifted ten folds. 
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Thank you everyone for all your two cents! I'm happy to say that my parents and I are on better terms again. My mom said that they will respect my wishes in what I do. They do want to see where I live and meet my new roommate. I think with the sudden news of me moving in with a guy threw them off guard...as them asking me threw me off guard. Things weren't handled in a mature way. I'm glad this issue was slept through. I feel so much better. To top it off, I just got hired at another job. My stress level has been lifted ten folds. 
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I have been reading all the posts and saw such interesting answers. Everyone had great advice and I am glad that you are happy again and things are working out.. good luck with the rest of your life. you seems like a very nice young lady..
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 awesome to hear all of this!!! and im sure the would want to see our new place if you had a female roommate too.. they just want to be a part of you is all..congrats on your second job! and making your own choices, kind of scarry at times, some advice for you.. a lot of guy roommates tend to think if they have a gal roommate that she is going to do everything... just a heads up here.. make it clear to him before u move in that he is to take care of hisself<not that ,that is happening to me with a guy roommate> but it has in the past.. im sure u have been to is house and all i assume anyway.. so however it is now dont let him slack and expect u to be his mommy..sit down with him and have a "expectation of each other conversation" first.. i think if there are some issues that do arrise try and catch them early.... think about it and try to resolve it on our own rather than going to your parents to help you resolve them... i the cant be resolved then fine its normal to talk about with your parents.. however by trying to resolve them yourself first you will be able to tell them hey this went wrong so "I" decided to try these things to fix it, but they didnt work either so now "I" decided to do this... and if you want to know what they think about it then ask them... if not dont ask them..but still that is being open and honest and sharing your life with them.. so they dont feel closed out.. they do only love you..... and nothing wrong with that! u are one lucky gal!!
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I have been reading all the posts and saw such interesting answers. Everyone had great advice and I am glad that you are happy again and things are working out.. good luck with the rest of your life. you seems like a very nice young lady..
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awesome to hear all of this!!! and im sure the would want to see our new place if you had a female roommate too.. they just want to be a part of you is all..congrats on your second job! and making your own choices, kind of scarry at times, some advice for you.. a lot of guy roommates tend to think if they have a gal roommate that she is going to do everything... just a heads up here.. make it clear to him before u move in that he is to take care of hisself<not that ,that is happening to me with a guy roommate> but it has in the past.. im sure u have been to is house and all i assume anyway.. so however it is now dont let him slack and expect u to be his mommy..sit down with him and have a "expectation of each other conversation" first.. i think if there are some issues that do arrise try and catch them early.... think about it and try to resolve it on our own rather than going to your parents to help you resolve them... i the cant be resolved then fine its normal to talk about with your parents.. however by trying to resolve them yourself first you will be able to tell them hey this went wrong so "I" decided to try these things to fix it, but they didnt work either so now "I" decided to do this... and if you want to know what they think about it then ask them... if not dont ask them..but still that is being open and honest and sharing your life with them.. so they dont feel closed out.. they do only love you..... and nothing wrong with that! u are one lucky gal!!
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