100% FREE ONLINE DATING
sponsored links
Previous
| Topic: Bad Behavior | |
|---|---|
|
Edited by
msharmony
on
Sat 05/01/10 03:22 PM
|
|
I love a child who can think for themself,, but rowdy or disruptive is another matter.
I think medication has become a quick alternative to old fashioned discipline though,,, I was rather submissive, by my own choice, and I suffered alot less than alot of those who chose to be rowdy or disruptive... I cant stress enough the importance of balance our house guidelines went like this IF you want privileges THEN you accept responsibilities IF you want nice things, you behave nicely IF you want nothing, than you give nothing and do nothing IF you want support THEN you make good choices and contribute at home If you want others to do for you, you must do for others Part of being an adult is making some compromises and sacrifices from time to time(its not all about you) AND IF you want your butt spanked THEN you disregard the rules and once a week we had a family meeting, open discussion, about what was going on with us, what suggestions we had (this was time for kids to be heard), what we would like to see ,,,,etc,,, IT was all about choice in our home. WE werent in the spectrum where we just EXPECTED to have because of the fact that we were children nor were we at the end where we could never receive any positive reinforcement whatever we did.. There were house rules, responsibilities and consequences, we learned them and it helped us much later in life to deal with the REAL and sometimes harsh consequences adults must face with their decisions. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I love a child who can think for themself,, but rowdy or disruptive is another matter. I think medication has become a quick alternative to old fashioned discipline though,,, I was rather submissive, by my own choice, and I suffered alot less than alot of those who chose to be rowdy or disruptive... I cant stress enough the importance of balance our house guidelines went like this IF you want privileges THEN you accept responsibilities IF you want nice things, you behave nicely IF you want nothing, than you give nothing and do nothing IF you want support THEN you make good choices and contribute at home If you want others to do for you, you must do for others Part of being an adult is making some compromises and sacrifices from time to time(its not all about you) AND IF you want your butt spanked THEN you disregard the rules and once a week we had a family meeting, open discussion, about what was going on with us, what suggestions we had (this was time for kids to be heard), what we would like to see ,,,,etc,,, IT was all about choice in our home. WE werent in the spectrum where we just EXPECTED to have because of the fact that we were children nor were we at the end where we could never receive any positive reinforcement whatever we did.. There were house rules, responsibilities and consequences, we learned them and it helped us much later in life to deal with the REAL and sometimes harsh consequences adults must face with their decisions. 
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
My problem with ADHD tests is that it seems that all kids have it...when a good portion of them have a disease called B.A.C., Being A Child. They have energy, they have attention spans of a flea, but that is what being a child is. I imagine if we had been tested for adhd as children we all would have been diagnosed and drugged for it. I actually feel bad for parents with children that really do have adhd, but how many of the kids that are drugged for it actually have it? I know in my town there seems to be a large number of kids with it...you'd figure if that many kids had adhd some medical association would investigate... Interesting...I agree
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I agree 100% with lady!! One day I went up to the middle school for a meeting. There was a long line of kids outside the nurses office. I thought it was for annual sports check-up asked the nurse!! It was the 1pm Ritalin line!!!! I was mortified!! WTF?????  WHOA................SCARY 
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I hate to admit this...........but.........my kid is out of control!!! I am a bit of a push over for a (single)parent, I'll admit. I work nights and my parents(the babysitters) do not enforce any rules. Any ideas on how to get kids to behave? I like the idea of positive reinforcement but have no ideas how to start I think your original post pretty much makes it clear what it is that is the real issue here. One you don't want to admidt you have a problem. You can't fix what you don't admit so this problem has had plenty of time to grow and won't just suddenly get fixed because you clean up the job you are doing as a parent. While it might be a popular myth for people to think they "control" children for them to be good but it is more about being well cared for (eat right sleep right peer age friends) , loved, and motivation (your kid is crying for you to be a bigger part of his/her life) ; being wanted (you can't make up for and absent parent but you have to work over time on your own and your child's bonding and self esteem). Your kid has a working single Mom for a parent and permissive or dissinterested maybe even resentful and angry grandparents so one way or another s/he will get your attention since from your comments they have chosen to be their as co-parent in body only if not directly sabotageing you. I am not against a small amont of physical disciplene but you are not going to be able to spank this kid into submission and have it change anything. Espcially if you you are not prepared to use it distinctly and immediately with your parents backing you up on a set of distict rules which sounds like they are doing half heartedly you are spitting in the wind and your kid will see you failing yet again and continue to parent himself. Asking a Doctor for parenting tips is generally a waste of time in my books. Maybe they were a surrogate parent growing up they learned a few things but most spend more time becoming and being a professional and someone else for better or worse has raised their kids. You need to find some successful mothers and immitate them. Doctor's can talk theroy but hands on day to day most would be sucking their thumb in a couple hours with a room full of toddlers or pushing pills. Your child may have problems but my educated guess is better nutrition, rest, and healthy activity with peers and a good adult role model keeping things safe and fun and you will see a remarkable turn around. My personal bellief is school teachers should not be prescibeing medications to control kids who maybe are just too smart to be parked in a crowed classroom twiddleing their thumbs while they try to teach those who are having to struggle to keep up because they are stoned on one thinkg or another from too much sugar to a hard core drug that will teach them not to fear drug use like RItalin. WHo is telling you your kid is bad? If you are not seeing it with your own eyes then you are not watching enough or they are making your kid a scape goat. Payattention and correct the situation. Parenting and child care is not a mysterious job skill. Firm, fair, friendly, and enriching is key. This is going to sound really harsh but if you want to get your child back to being a "good" kid try controlling your own life and getting a day time job where you and he have a normal meal time play time and bed time, in your own place (even if it is a rented room, and s/he has a Mom being the parent instead of gramdparents that are probably spoiling him rotten because they have no more disciplene than they taught you to have. Stop wasteing time hanging out on a computer and figure out what needs to be done you are a smart woman all be it young. Being a parent means you do things you don't like and not making excuses that it is someone elses fault when YOU pick his Dad and his caregiver's. Find a license quality daycare provider and let Grandma and Grandpa be permissive doteing grandparents in small doses. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Boot to the head.  Now, so far to this point, I have not read anything that even remotely resembles positive reinforcement suggestions for the ops parenting repetoire. I will therefore assume that we have parenting-challenged respondents on here. I went from being parenting-challenged (as I had never been one before until I was one) to being an actually pretty darn good mom. Positive reinforcement is a challenge if you were not raised in a positive environment urself. Thing is - it takes awhile for it to really work so most people just fall back on old stand bys like "a boot to the head" (how clever & creative are we today)? BUT the good news is that since positive reinforcement is a behavioral technique you can train urself as well as your kids to use/respond to it. First (this is the hardest thing) you MUST learn to ignore infractions that are not serious - Jimmy paints the toilet bowl purple. OmG, right? ya. Here is what to say -"Wow Jimmy you really love purple don't you!!! Let's get you a wall board an easel and about $100.00 worht of art supplies (that will also keep him out of ur hair long wnough to make aphone call - sometimes). Do NOT react negatively to having a purple toilet. You may even want to share it with a few friends then explain to Jimmy that it really doesn't fit the color scheme in the bathroom so after he helps you clean up, you can go to Ritters together for ice cream. Then ALWAYS compliment all of his art efforts when they are done correctly. To make a long story short - it's basically the same psycological principle = to train a man to have sex properly... The more you can overlook the better. You will have to use correction sometimes, but just besure you are being positive MORE times. And BTW - speaking of positive reinforcement - it's GREAT that you want to try to be more positive wiht the little rug rats!! Kids from positve homes achieves mountains better in school & life!! Way to go Mom!! Just don't be too hard on urself while trying to implement all of this... aincha glad ya asked  |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
not parentally challenged at all.... I reiterate my rules and the ones that worked for us
IF you want privileges THEN you accept responsibilities IF you want nice things, you behave nicely (positive reinforcement) IF you want nothing, than you give nothing and do nothing IF you want support THEN you make good choices and contribute at home (positive reinforcement) If you want others to do for you, you must do for others(positive reinforcement) Part of being an adult is making some compromises and sacrifices from time to time(its not all about you) balance is the key,,you have to have a BALANCE of positive reinforcement for positive actions and discipline/consequences/punishment(semantics) for negative actions |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
not parentally challenged at all.... I reiterate my rules and the ones that worked for us IF you want privileges THEN you accept responsibilities IF you want nice things, you behave nicely (positive reinforcement) IF you want nothing, than you give nothing and do nothing IF you want support THEN you make good choices and contribute at home (positive reinforcement) If you want others to do for you, you must do for others(positive reinforcement) Part of being an adult is making some compromises and sacrifices from time to time(its not all about you) balance is the key,,you have to have a BALANCE of positive reinforcement for positive actions and discipline/consequences/punishment(semantics) for negative actions I also think u sound like a caring mom, and have to carve your own ideas of what works for u. I think a lot of ur ideas are really good as responsibility is best learned by example and I'm sure u do a great job of it!! I agree with a lot of ur ideas, but personally was not as rigid as how u sound on here, but hey, that's OK. My emphasis on the rewards, the hugs and love (as much as I could) was MY comfort zone. It worked for me. I was prolly a little more lenient. But to me a child's feelings were more important than an exact correct mode of discipline. There are actually studies that show children will thrive more readily in a too strict home better than one too lenient because if things get too lenient kids feel insecure like no one is in charge...no one loves them enuff to care. So yes, find the balance that works for you, I agree. And if u have to lean too far in one direction, it's prolly better to be a little too strict. My balance is more on the rewards side of things tho....I'm not a disciplinarian at all. But my kids minded me almost without question - most of the time (unless their dad got involved but that's another story - he was a trainwreck) |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
To SWEETESTGIRL AND MS HARMONY:
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 and all the parents out there doing the best for their kids....
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Be consistent.
If you promise them an reward for doing good, stick to it. If you promise them an azzwipping or grounding for behaving badly, stick to it. No exceptions. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Be consistent. If you promise them an reward for doing good, stick to it. If you promise them an azzwipping or grounding for behaving badly, stick to it. No exceptions. Hells yeah... I can say I was "hit" as a child, but it wasn't more than 5 times, because I learned my lesson each time. My papa would tell me exactly why he was gonna take a belt to my moneymaker, and what he wanted me to learn from it. And to this day I have never been arrested. Not because I'm afraid of the judicial system, but because I don't want to disappoint my papa. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
YOU have to get your child in order and IF your parents won't make her mind, hire a babysitter that will. RULES are a must for these young kids and you have to keep up on them!!
Honestly, I have never understood when a parent said that they can not make their child mind. When I was a child, we just knew better then to misbehave. That is how my boys are! It is called respect!! Do what you are told and there will be NO problems...my boys learned that at an early age!! I am the boss and you will not question me!! I can be sweet as pie or I can be a real witch..they like me to be sweet!! I don't have any problems with them. I truly believe when you are strict with your children, they respect you even more. As far as your child being ADD/ADHD..I have 2 boys that have that disease. One is on meds and the other one is not. According to my doctor, my youngest son is the poster child for ADHD and I truly believe it!! Without his medicine, that poor child is in trouble..his life would be hell. So don't believe all the horror stories about ADHD medicines...if your child needs it, they can be a lifesaver!! Also, they say IF your child needs the medicine and you do NOT put them on it, they have a better chance of becoming addicted to some kind of drugs to get relief from the ADHD...so be aware of that!! Good Luck and Crack Down!!! |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
thank you CINDERELLA SUGAR FIRE and UNSURE
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
You're not alone. A lot of kdis seem out of control at diferent times in their lifes. One of the first things that might help is gettign the baby sitters on the same page. If your child knows that any rules etc you use will go out the door once they go to grandma and grandpas they won't care. A lot of grandparents have a hard time enforcing discipline, but maybe having a sit down talk with them where youe xplain your rules and discipline might help.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
You're not alone. A lot of kdis seem out of control at diferent times in their lifes. One of the first things that might help is gettign the baby sitters on the same page. If your child knows that any rules etc you use will go out the door once they go to grandma and grandpas they won't care. A lot of grandparents have a hard time enforcing discipline, but maybe having a sit down talk with them where youe xplain your rules and discipline might help. I have tried to talk to my parents. Didnt go well. Its a long story that most people dont believe but they like to make things difficult for me. My step dad thinks I should "pay" for my mistakes. Really they are only hurting my child. I am trying very hard to change my work and life schedule to have more consistency for my daughter |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
You're not alone. A lot of kdis seem out of control at diferent times in their lifes. One of the first things that might help is gettign the baby sitters on the same page. If your child knows that any rules etc you use will go out the door once they go to grandma and grandpas they won't care. A lot of grandparents have a hard time enforcing discipline, but maybe having a sit down talk with them where youe xplain your rules and discipline might help. I have tried to talk to my parents. Didnt go well. Its a long story that most people dont believe but they like to make things difficult for me. My step dad thinks I should "pay" for my mistakes. Really they are only hurting my child. I am trying very hard to change my work and life schedule to have more consistency for my daughter Dont take it too personal. Even with the love and support of my family, as a single mom again, I am having to do the same to provide the consistency my kids need as well. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
You're not alone. A lot of kdis seem out of control at diferent times in their lifes. One of the first things that might help is gettign the baby sitters on the same page. If your child knows that any rules etc you use will go out the door once they go to grandma and grandpas they won't care. A lot of grandparents have a hard time enforcing discipline, but maybe having a sit down talk with them where youe xplain your rules and discipline might help. I have tried to talk to my parents. Didnt go well. Its a long story that most people dont believe but they like to make things difficult for me. My step dad thinks I should "pay" for my mistakes. Really they are only hurting my child. I am trying very hard to change my work and life schedule to have more consistency for my daughter Dont take it too personal. Even with the love and support of my family, as a single mom again, I am having to do the same to provide the consistency my kids need as well. I am positive about it. I know its only up from here with that situation. I just am slightly offended at those who have posted thinking its simple to just switch work shifts around. Its hard to find work right now! I am lucky to have a job! And It is extremely important for her to be in a good school district- which isnt cheap!!! I really am doing a lot of good also. I even went to the school and found out what was REALLY going on. She DOES NOT have ADD/ADHD. She is a great kid. I plan to sacrifice a lot to get things right for her by the start of 1st grade |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
yeah, alright in keeping with the theme here..just smack em, that's a great idea, always works. spanking me worked, i got the idea, and i was only spanked 4 times ever. As has been pointed out, be consistent that includes making sure the grandparents are following through with punishments. ok, that's nice..not going into the spanking debate with ya'll again. I don't care..hit your kids, their yours ..none of my business spanking should not be used as the only punishment, it should always be a last resort, but what do you use on a child that doesnt care? My mom did the groundation, she took things away, she tried time outs...when all that failed what was she supposed to do? call the cops and have me arrested? I do not condone hitting kids, if you use it for the only form of punishment, but every kid is different and responds differently to punishments. Mom never hit my youngest sister, she didn't want to use that as a punishment. Now my sister walks all over my mom, swears at her, hits her, throws things, and in general has a bad attitude, but I guess thats ok as long as she never got spanked...groundation didn't work, she would just walk out anyways, time-outs didnt work as mom spent more time trying to keep her in time out than the time out actually was, Usually about an hour for 5 minutes. Take things away didnt work as my sister would just take it back. Mom refused to spank her cuz dss told her she couldnt and then mom was done. She couldn't do anything to punish her and now we have the results of it. Do I feel spanking should be used? No Do I feel it can be a good punishment if used correctly? Yes BUT it should never be the only punishment and it shouldn't be used frequently. As I said I was only spanked 4 times in my entire life, I learned that as soon as Mom used my middle name I was in trouble if I didn't stop. How do you punish a child that doesn't care? P.S I agree you lady, I just try to see it from my own upbringing compared to my sisters and how we are vastly different people. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
You're not alone. A lot of kdis seem out of control at diferent times in their lifes. One of the first things that might help is gettign the baby sitters on the same page. If your child knows that any rules etc you use will go out the door once they go to grandma and grandpas they won't care. A lot of grandparents have a hard time enforcing discipline, but maybe having a sit down talk with them where youe xplain your rules and discipline might help. I have tried to talk to my parents. Didnt go well. Its a long story that most people dont believe but they like to make things difficult for me. My step dad thinks I should "pay" for my mistakes. Really they are only hurting my child. I am trying very hard to change my work and life schedule to have more consistency for my daughter ya, like he's never made any..... 
|
|
|
|
|
