I think fear is more instinctive than laziness, as it has a survival function, but I think the most ubiquitous human characteristic is the need to change things that are fine just the way they are.

We live in a fear based culture!

The paranoid need for Deterrent Force and WMDs for one. It is bad enough to have a few but to have thousands?

Oddly if we don't have them we will have them used on us.

The media feeds us fear and doom all the time. The government release the right information to make people act the way they want through fear and terror. The TSA is a prime example of the fear complex to make unnecessary jobs! Face it the TSA is as worthless as teats on a boar.

But humans have a phobic need for everything to be homo-centric otherwise they become xenophobic. Fear is an instinctual part of us.

So is just being plain stupid and idiotic.

We draw to us what we are most afraid of until we conquer it by learning not to fear.
The opposite to Fear is Faith. What ever your Faith, it is stronger and conquers all fear, if you focus on it.
Yet don't take my word for it, try it out for yourself

Schadenfreude ...

I love you!

that is a simply awesome abservation

Thank you! I spend a lot of time thinking about this stuff.

I do too Lex. And your observation has coincidentally occurred at a time when I am making some pretty significant changes. I have been evaluating which ones are necessary, why, and whether certain things are better left as they are & what to change & how. Your observation is salient to me because it speaks to my current reality

I didn't realize we could pick our own. We were given two choices. Only I stayed in the box. Our unique human characteristic is our ability to make decisions on our own regardless of societal constructs.

Glad I could be of assistance!

The truth is, I was thinking more along the lines of the people I've known in the past who have tried to change me into a completely different person -- but I see that this has other applications as well!

I'm not saying all change is bad -- without it, we'd be pretty much stuck in a rut. Just that there are a lot of people who seem to see change as a desirable end in and of itself, regardless of the outcome or consequences.

ah, so u r a bit more conservative than I might have guessed.

and a "rut" is exactly what I have been in - very observant, again

Yes, I read the dialogue regarding your dealings with "traditional" female "expectations." meh, whatever? The only person who we can control or change is oneself. Those who attempt to affect any other type of change have an uphill battle.

I think it's OK to advise small changes that do not effect the core of one's persona (for example I recently advised my son, a new college grad, to "professinalize " his wardrobe, but I dont EVER want him to change at all not a bit - he is awesome just as is). It would be foolhardy, IMO, to stay with a partner who asks u to be someone u r not.

Should we ask potential partners " do u like me as is?" in the early stages of dating?

I don't think it would help. They always end up telling me "I love everything about you!" -- and three months later, they need to CHANGE everything about me. Whatever the agenda is, my experience has been that they are NOT going to be honest about it at the beginning. They'll say whatever they think you want to hear in order to get you to enter into the relationship in the first place.

What's the point? I'm guessing the underlying mentality is something along the lines of "Once he gets to know me, he'll realize I'm worth changing for." But that has never happened, and it's not going to happen. There are certain fundamentals that are the way they are for very good reasons.