Fear or laziness?

well, I have a question and an observation. Question: What is it that you have had women ask u to change? Is there a recurring theme? (as in maybe you either need to change something OR, more likely, need to seek a different "type" of woman)

My observation is that, yes, often people do see "the diamond in the rough" so to speak, and think that "if I love him/her enough he/she will change for me." I have been on both sides of that equation and can tell you with all certainty, it aina gonna happen, folks. I am a diamond in the rough, Lex (FYI), but being from the "rough" I'm too streetsmart to change anything that don't need it - so, ya, I hear ya

Everyone I've ever been involved with, with one exception, has come to the conclusion that I need to be "domesticated"; i.e., that I need to settle down and get married and start a family. I have absolutely no interest in this. I was married once -- it was the biggest mistake of my life. I'm not saying marriage, per se, was at fault -- it was my own poor choice of a partner -- but, having lived (barely) through that experience, I have no desire to go through it again.

When I was younger (19-22), I dated several older divorced women who had kids. None of these women were actually looking for a relationship, they just wanted someone to step in and "play daddy." I found I had absolutely no interest in, nor aptitude for, that role.

The problem is that people lie about their initial intentions. I make it very clear from the beginning that I will not be getting married again, and I will not be having kids. My ex-wife even claimed, on the day we first met, that she never wanted to have kids either (they generally all say this at the beginning). Then, after a few months, the agenda kicks in and I'm inundated with "I think we should start a family" and "You'd make such a great father," and the relationship is, for all intents and purposes, over right then and there.

While I would very much appreciate a "different type," I'm not so sure they exist. Well, I did meet one, and I've been on-again-off-again with her for the past 10 years now -- but she only comes around when her life has completely collapsed and she needs me to rescue her. She is unquestionably the most intelligent and creative person I've ever known, and that's the basis of the attraction.



I guess my real issue here is: Why can't they just be honest from the start? I've tried to make it very clear in my profile, and elsewhere, that there are a few things that I'm simply not willing to budge on, not willing to change. Just a few, really, but those few seem to have eliminated 112% of the female population of the world as dating prospects.

So I think I'm better off being alone than being with yet another one who thinks she should turn me into a goat.

nor should u change anything u don't want to change. I CAN'T have kids and have had guys tell me that kids weren't that important , and then do a 360 and say that they have to end things cuz they want kids...w/e

yanno if u love 'im the rest don't matter for ****

That's more or less what I'm talking about, too -- I mean, I don't try to mislead anybody about what I'm looking for, what kind of relationship I want. It should all be pretty clear.

But I just can't seem to find anyone who wants what I want. That makes it difficult. I certainly don't want to "settle" -- I've already done enough of that to know it's not a solution.

At the same time, there are days when I'm just tired of being alone. I think it's worse because I don't really know anyone where I'm living now, and there are no viable ways to meet people in the "real world" here.

So, I'm basically limited to on line, but dating sites seem to have this egregious homogeneity within their respective clienteles. It's as if people aren't even allowed to BE on a dating site until they've reached a point in their lives where they've made a conscious decision to list babies and booze as their top priorities.

It's a dilemma. I'm still trying to figure out an answer.

But I know "change" isn't it.

hoe bout booze (occasionally) kissing and shania twain?

I haven't touched alcohol since I was 22 and never will again -- lost way too many people I loved to that stuff. I just don't want it around me.

Shania Twain really isn't my type, but I wouldn't mind a session with Billie Piper.....