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| Topic: 5 Stages of Online Dating | |
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Edited by
uk1971
on
Tue 02/22/11 06:46 AM
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Stage 1: The Actual Truth Stage Name: Strange Attractor Quote: Could you be the cheese on the nachos of my existence? About me: I'm a 27-year-old software developer. I'm a really nice guy, and although I might seem a bit shy at first, that's only until you get to know me. Then I'm just ugly. Ha! That was a little joke. As you can see, I also have an excellent sense of humor. What I'm looking for: Someone smart, nice, and with a good sense of humor. I'm not too picky about hair color (so long as it's washed, ha ha ha), or body type. So if you've got clean hair, and are even a little fat, I'd love to hear from you. Hobbies: Video games, designing web pages for friends, taking online personality quizzes. Likes: The Amazing Race, MythBusters, Conan O'Brien Dislikes: none No responses. Stage 2: The "Fudging the Truth" Stage Name: LittleBitOfMelchior Quote: I followed a star in the sky, and found you. I brought myrrh. About me: I'm a 27-year-old professional. Also, I think you should know I'm already involved in another relationship. You see, Jesus is my girlfriend. Ha ha! That's a little joke. I'd actually like you to be my girlfriend as well. Jesus and I aren't that serious! :-) Although we also are. What I'm looking for: I'm looking for someone sweet and sincere, who really wants to get to know me before they get to know me. And by know I mean know in the biblical sense. If you know what I'm saying. I'm talking about sex. Hobbies: Talking about feelings, writing in my dream journal. Likes: Ballads written for/about The Lord, Triscuit crackers, knowing things. Dislikes: Drugs, Smokers, Birth Control No responses. Stage 3: The "Blatant Lying" Stage Name: SensitiveListeningLawyer42 Quote: I would like to hold you in my arms, then buy things for you with my arms. About me: I'm a 31-year-old lawyer. I am an incredible listener. I have been listening to things for years, and I am ****ing amazing at it. I would like to listen to you talk about how your coworkers aren't as intelligent as you, and would like to know where you buy shoes. I would then like to show you the view from the balcony of my apartment, while we drink red wine, and I continue to listen to you describe things that annoy or delight you. What I'm looking for: I want someone who's confident-someone who truly believes, deep down inside, that she is incredibly hot. I would also like someone that isn't fooling herself when she thinks that. It would also be great if you are someone who isn't intimidated when faced with an enormous meat-wand, which some site guidelines prevent me from outright claiming that I have. Hobbies: Wearing shirts with my collar up, buying accessories for my cell phone. Likes: Success, listening, the phrase "meat-wand" Dislikes: The Amazing Race, MythBusters, Conan O'Brien No responses. Stage 4: The "Screw You Bastards" Stage Name: TasteTheLove_TasteIt Quote: I'm only creepy on the inside. About me: I'm a 27-year-old male. Science promises lifelike female robots within the next twenty years, but that's longer than I can wait. Consequently I need a girlfriend. Although I've never actually had sex, I have played several video games that simulate the act, and feel that that experience, combined with my catlike reflexes, means I'll have a pretty good handle on what's going on. So no worries there. A side note: I am quite religious, and will only be able to date someone who is cool with me worshipping a pewter statue of Pat Sajak. What I'm looking for: Twins if possible, bisexual twins preferably. Age-wise, it's probably best if you're over 18. No cops please. Hobbies: Live Action Role Playing Likes: Collecting edged weapons, Wheel of Fortune Dislikes: Jeopardy, online relationships with girls that are actually a small team of FBI agents. One response, from a team of FBI agents. Stage 5: The "Giving Up On Society" Stage Name: SlapAndTickle_HoldTheTicklePlease Quote: I hope you need sex really bad, because really bad sex is my specialty. About me: Have you ever heard of those jerks at other sites? Man those fücking ice queens piss me off. All with their coy little profiles featuring pictures of them wearing tank tops. Damn. Anyways, I'm willing to get hit. Go nuts. What I'm looking for: Anyone. Seriously. Hobbies: Doing things other people want me to do. Likes: I guess I can deal with ball gags. Dislikes: Knives and sh it, One response from a fat guy and his wife. Success!   
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Note to self: Do not use any of those in my profile...lol
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