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| Topic: Dealing with partners Ex... | |
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When I first came here I had no desire to date a man with young children. Now, I've found myself in a relationship with a man who has 3 young daughters ages 8, 11, & 12 whom I haven't gotten a chance to meet. The problem is not his children but his ex. She berates him because he's involved with someone new & sometimes refuses to allow him to talk to or see his children. I haven't met her yet & she's not willing to go the extra mile for the kids sake to meet or talk with me. He's not a deadbeat dad. Child support is generalously paid every month & whenever she ask for extra money he sends it. I've even sent out the last money order to her. Even when she got someone ticked at her enough to throw a rock through her windshield he forked over $300 to replace it & installed it himself back in january. We're planning on going to see the kids (another state) in 8 days (May 12th). Not even knowing after her tyrade last night over the phone if he'll be allowed to see them. She holds the kids over his head. As much as I'd like to meet the kids I'm thinking it's best to stay behind so he can be sure to see them. She wants him to come stay at her trailer while she stays at her moms & me stay behind as I'm not welcome. He has a home in IN & she won't allow him to take the kids there. He works on the road, different states. I have no desire to take their mothers place no more than he can take my grown childrens fathers place. It's taking a toll on our relationship dealing with her several times a week when he tries to talk to the kids. My parents divorced when I was 2 & finally met my father when I was 15 because of the same circumstances pretty much & I don't want to see this happen to his kids. Any advice? Sounds to me he has a legitimate fight in court as a result of this. Is there some sort of custody agreement concerning the children? If so, I'm guessing she has violated it. It is obvious he cares for his children and wants to see them. I do have a question. Has she moved on and been seeing anyone? I'm willing to go out on a limb and bet she probably has. If so, she is a hypocrite. I know if I were him, I would fight it to my last dime if I had an ex holding my children from me. |
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His ex's proposition is for him to come stay at her trailer (without her there) while leaving me behind. Then she'll let him have the kids a week in June. Now, mind you I've never met his kids & won't until then. Guess who get's to play babysitter with 3 young girls while Daddy goes to work during the day because he'll be using all his vacation time next week to apease her? Me!! Now, I'm sitting here imagining myself as Barney Fife on Andy Griffifth being tied up to a chair & gagged while he's at work!!
 It's not that I mind. But, how do I meet his kids for the first time in June & them being left in my care while he works knowing nothing about them? As for getting custody he works across country traveling to different states frequently to provide for his kids. His current job doesn't allow for custody/visitation rights. He is working on finding a well paying job in his line of work back home. He's begged me to hang in there & help get things worked out. It's always her way or no way. Hurting the kids in the process is all she knows. Am I suppossed to sit back & say I don't care?
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no not if that is not what u feel
go with your heart and with your eyes wide open a lot of people would not tolerate the situation but you are the one who is in it, not us (mingle friends) love sometimes asks us to think out of the box, go the extra mile - only you can assess whether he appreciates what you are giving as far as unconditional love but be careful of the ex and of watching his kids if u don't have a lot of experience with kids. If anything negative happens while he is gone and they are in your care, it could be used against him in a custody hearing and BELIEVE ME mom will be pumping the kids for info when they come home from ur place |
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no not if that is not what u feel go with your heart and with your eyes wide open a lot of people would not tolerate the situation but you are the one who is in it, not us (mingle friends) love sometimes asks us to think out of the box, go the extra mile - only you can assess whether he appreciates what you are giving as far as unconditional love but be careful of the ex and of watching his kids if u don't have a lot of experience with kids. If anything negative happens while he is gone and they are in your care, it could be used against him in a custody hearing and BELIEVE ME mom will be pumping the kids for info when they come home from ur place I've raised two kids of my own. No amount of parenting or time spent with kids makes you an expert but I'm no dummy either! lol But as you mentioned accidents can happen. Unless I watch them during the day he wouldn't be able to get them in June & I won't take that away. It's not the idea of caring for the kids during the day while he's at work. I'm just not sure how to entertain them & keep them occupied not really knowing much about them. I'd hoped to go with him & meet them. Then in June I'd know a little about them & be better prepared to watch over them while he's at work. I don't want to bore them to death or have them not like me. His oldest DD has cystic fibrosis & has to do treatments daily but I think she manages her care on her own. I'm willing to do it just a monkey wrench thrown in on how I'd planned to meet & get to know them. |
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