THIS.


and the
'need you because I love you' thing,,lol




I think its a turn off for someone to not be able to FUNCTION without another person,


ITs not a turn off though, for someone to appreciate the significance of someone else that is in their life


Perhaps, it makes it easier to understand when we clarify. INstead of 'I need you.'

'I need you because,,,,,' (if it ends with I Cant live without you,, run but if it ends in something like how important you are, or how much of a difference you make,, take it as a compliment)

u could have taken these words right from my mouth. I am proud that I can be resourceful, but I do not to be needy to need love help and time w/ friends, loved ones

Before saying "I don't need anyone" we need to define the term NEED

thank you Greeneyes and thank you for sharing..I'm so sorry for your loss...sounds like you had exactly what we all dream of..what a great testament to a balanced relationship.

kelp1961...Thanks for your post! I took time out after my first 2 failed marriages to "find myself" and "change my script!"...If I would have continued on the "same old path" I'm sure I would have kept meeting the same type of men over and over again! During my "recovery" I wrote down all of the qualities I wanted and needed in a man...."Traditional men" aren't usually a good match for me because I don't like to play out strict gender roles...I don't like to play "little woman" in the kitchen and be stuck with all of the cooking and clean-up everyday or housework etc...I enjoy cooking and inventing new recipes but I wanted a partner in the kitchen and a partner when it comes to all aspects of life!...My "last" husband loved to invent new recipes too. And he grew veggies in his garden and "canned" tomato sauce etc. He loved to bake too!...We shared everything together and I didn't have to "play maid!" Plus we started new businesses together and had daily discussions about "everything under the sun!"....He loved to dance and I did too! We kept "romance alive" in our relationship by going out dancing a lot and singing and "playing" together! We took fun vacations when we could....He was "open" to anything and everything! Neither one of us wanted to become "stuck in ruts!" Sad that he is gone now. But he will always be with me "in spirit!"

Why do some women make the following equation: need = needy. Men and women have a natural "need" of opposite sex companionship. It's natural and build in. "Needy" people are codependent. Huge difference.

Need does not equal needy!

I need a sandwich

I have to comment here, I by nature, am somewhat co-dependent. BUT I am far from needy. I think you have to be careful when someone says they need you. WHY do they need you? I used to tell my now ex husband I don;t need you I want you here.
Some people need a partner for strength, stability, guidance.
I understand that, but some people just need a partner because they are not good alone.

Well said. I have some friends that just can't go it alone and they can't figure out how I can do it. I think with me; I have been alone for so long; that I am set in my ways so I just don't see me needing anyone in my life; but I certainly do enjoy the company of my friends and family.

I think that I am too independent and self reliant to say to anyone (outside of my immediate family), that “I need you”.

Although I am a very supportive person, I would be concerned if my partner told me that he needed me because in my mind, it would suggest dependency. I wouldn’t want my own children to be dependent on me once they’d adulthood but I would continue to support them and want the best for them for the rest of my life.

Question:

If one, truly, found someone and over time love really developed would we find ourselves in need of continuing to experience the joy of that love?

I don't equate love with dependency. They are like ying and yang in my mind.

Yep, I agree 100% about someone being dependent if they said they needed you. Need comes from the word needy and that is never a good thing in a relationship.

I do think, based on my own experience, the emotions can be so intense we can become quite unwell from the thought alone of losing that joy (or is it just what we have grown accustomed to?)...the strong desire to maintain that existence can manifest into something that feels very much like a need...but it is not truly a need and if you don't keep your head about ya, go thru the proper grieving stages and remind yourself, this too shall pass,...you end up doing some crazy sh**!

never drop the soap...

I hear ya. I do get that it is often just something that is said to express the deep feelings one has for another...and I do have my wits enough(or I hope I do) about me to be able to ascertain the difference...so maybe I wouldn't run...but I would not be entralled by the statement and would do some serious evaluation of the situation.