K, I don't have anyone to talk to about this, so I thought I'd just put
it out there.

When I was 16, I met and fell in love with the man of my dreams. We
were inseperable--it was a Romeo and Juliet kind of romance. I married
the love of my life at age 22. Our son was born a year later. After
that, we had twin girls, and another girl after that. We had good jobs,
a great house, four awesome kids. There were rough spots, but overall
it was the life most people dreamed of.

After we were married for 10 years he started to change. Became
distant, irritable, hateful. Rarely home. I did everything I could
think of to try to make him happy, but nothing worked.

On May 4 of this year I got a call from a woman, who later told me she
had been having an affair with my husband. Why did she finally come
clean? Because he began an affair with a new woman, and she was
jealous.

On May 11 I filed for divorce. Despite him pleading with me to stop the
divorce, I went through with it and it was finalized on June 16. He has
been trying very hard to reconcile with me since then. But I have
resisted. I just cannot let go of how badly he treated me, and putting
it together with the fact that he was in a 2 year long affair. It is
just too huge of a betrayal.

Tonight he told me he was tired of trying to work things out. He said
unless I said I wanted to try to work on us, he would give up on us.
And I told him I could never, ever get past the past. And he said he
was sorry it had to end this way and left.

What can I say. My heart is broken. He took it and stomp it into a
million pieces. I feel like I will be alone forever.

It's just all so sad, how 18 years with someone can be thrown away like
it nothing.

I'm going to bed now. But thanks if you read all this.

hey i know how u feel....i have felt the same way but that was before i
joined this sight....then i met the one that treats me like im worth
something and has fixed my heart....smiles it will get better

hey jen wher ehave you been

hope you start getting over him soon. there is too much good out there
for you to focus on besides a bad relationship

Hey!

You did the best thing gal.

Don't let that cheap scum work on ya.

How much respect could you have if you took him back. But how much
respect could he have in you if you took him back? Think about that.

Do the things you've always wanted to do. I bet he was controling right.

As much as you are now alone, how much alone are you with him. Enjoy
your solitude you need a break.

Ghostrecon

I know what you are going through....I was married for 21 years before
it all ended......just remember that time will heal some of the hurt,
and what ever doesn't kill you only makes you stronger!

In Jan.2005 my 18 year old son was murdered, in March my Now EX asked
for a Divorce....and in April I turned 40! Hang in ther honey your
stronger then all of this! If you ever need someone to talk to I'm
listening!

BEST WISHES!

that is a good point recon, if you would have taken him back you would
reinforced the idea in his mind that he could walk on you.

Hey gourmet,
I hope you come back to read all of these post because you are not
alone.
My ex thought the grass was greener on the other side as well with her
co-worker and after 3 months found out otherwise and asked me to take
her back. After 18 years as well. No way. Respect has no middle ground.
Its all or nothing. Trust me he is hurting alot more than you are b/c he
already realized he ruined it and he has to live with it. I agree with
recon. Go d all the things you have always wanted to do and please dont
get involved serioulsly with anyone yet. Trust me I know. Take your time
and when you get to a point you can talk a normal conversation without
mentioning his name you will be good to go. Take some gourmet time. Cant
make anyone happy unless you are happy so its time to make you happy.
enjoy.

I no how you fell you very young they say its harder to get over you
first love.Im 31 and getting out of a 10 yre marrage we have 3 kids
8,6,and 3 my babies are my life now he cheated on me threw out the years
but never caught him 1year ago i got a call from a girl who he had been
cing for 2 yrs also but the twist is she had his baby and dna test dont
lie but he still says its not his what a punk i swear it feels like a
knive was stabbing me thousands of times it never stops til this day it
hurts i dont think i could ever move on im to old and alot of baggage
alot of hate sadness and no trust in anyone is loveing again worth
hurting again how do u trust again?

that's a tricky one b. you can't just throw your heart out there
recklessly but if you meet the right person you can't be afraid to get
hurt again or you'll never find someone. that's up to you whether or not
it is worth it. you may not get hurt again. i hope you find the right
person for you.

honey, you are beautiful, and aparently he took your love for granted,
i
know this might not help much, but there is a country song that is kinda
like what i just read, i dont remember the name of the song or the
artist, but you should listen to it, call a radio station and ask, or go
online. but it goes
"hes at the foot of that mountain
shes over that hill
hes sinkin at sea
her sails are filled
shes gonna make it
he never will."
if you just keep your head up, and your eyes straight ahead, you will
get through, i know ive never experienced what you have, but i wish you
all the best, and if you ever need to talk to someone privately, ill be
here to listen. god bless. samantha

Thank all of you for listening. I got a little sleep. Not much. I
have a crying hangover this morning. Sore eyes. It was so sweet of all
of you to take the time talk to a stranger. Have to get the kids up and
going, and ready for work.

Thanks again.

I lived through the exact same situation, but we were only together 12
years. "Only" 12 years...but it was a happy 12 years for me.

I agonized over how to put the marriage back together ~ until I realized
that it was HE who destroyed it. You can't fix a marriage that someone
else broke...they have to do it.

Then I realized something else...he side-stepped our vows; he brought
another woman into our union; he violated the trust we had built
together. I wondered if he'd cheat again if I let him come home, and
wondered if I could ever come to trust him again. I embraced the fact
that I had been loyal, faithful and true ~ and that I deserved far
better than sharing a home with someone who took me for granted. I went
through with the divorce.

He remarried a few years after our divorce and they had one child, a boy
who is high-functioning autistic. My heart broke for all of them.

I heard that their divorce was finalized a few months ago after 8 years
together. The reason? He cheated...again.

I believe that because his conscience bothered him, he offered me the
home furnishings (we never bought a home), my show dogs, my Harley, my
truck, alimony and half our savings, and he assummed the bills we'd
accumulated. When I became self-supporting again, I refused to continue
to accept alimony from him.

It was the best deal I ever made...

It takes time, but it DOES get better ~ I promise you it does! Good
luck, and keep your head up. Living well is sometimes the best
revenge...LOL!

Your welcome from all of us.

Now my post. I took my ex back after finding out she had an affair
several years ago. Recently I found out there was a another before him.
But think the past is the past I did not make a big deal about it. Then
she goes and has a lesbian affair with a co worker. Moral is once a
cheater always a cheater. You did the right thing. The pain does ease up
and some say it goes away. My ex left in April. Most of us on here have
had this experience of some sort. This is how we can help each other as
a support group. A couple people from this board and I chat regularly
about other topics which we have in common. You have a problem and need
support throw it out. Someone here is bound to be of help or atleast a
kindred spirit for you to talk to.

PBJ darlin, you are bette off with out him, no matte how muchit hurts
now, you are still better off and so are your children. I know its had
to hear this right now and that its a horrible horrible pain but, would
you rather be in a loveless marriage where he cheats constantly, dealing
with his anger and irratabiliy or be where you are now?/ Your healing
and grieving, its natural , but you will survive and get through this,
and be a better stronger person because of it.Keep the faith and vent to
us, it helps.

TELL HIM NOT TO LET THE DOOR KNOB GET STUCK IN HIS ASS ON THE WAY
OUT,GOOD CALL.BUT YOU MUST REMEMBER AND IVE BEEN THROUGH THIS,YOU GUYS
DO HAVE KIDS,YOU MUST ABOVE ALL THING MAINTAIN A LEVEL OF FRIENDSHIP FOR
THEM.I KNOW IT SOUNDS HARD BUT IT MUST BE DONE FOR THE KIDS
SAKE,AFTERALL YOU HAFTO HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH HIM FOR THE REST OF
YOUR LIFE,CAUSE YOU HAVE CHILDREN.

time to heal and move on do you think after all you went through that in
time he do the same thing again remember leapods dont change there spots
jerry

thank you kingbreez good to a guy with such good attitude towards love
most guys iv known dont realy have much 2 say i dont no if i will ever
find love again but i hope to at least be happy no more crying or
sleepness nights hope 2 hear from u again.
thanks samantha my step sister is a country fan so she is going to look
up the song for me im not into country funny cuz when i got married our
song was cross my heart by george straight and he wanted it so bad funny
how things work out

iv heard alot of diffrent songs i heard this one that i seem to like
alot and for all those girls like me and feel the same hurt listen its
called (superman) by brownboy so im wishing and waiting for my
superman..thanks 2 all of you

sorry to hear about your relationship being hurt once is hell i bet 2
times is murded im going crazy still thats why im so on edge to try
again with anyone...sorry for ur pain if i can help hit me up

There are so many emotions you want to let out when something like this
happens. Just remember you are a worthy person and deserve to be happy.
I guess the first reaction is to be hurt which turns to anger, which
makes you look inside yourself and try and figure out "what's wrong with
me." or "What did I do wrong," etc...when the truth is, there is
absolutely nothing wrong with you and there is nothing you could have
done to change the situation. Most of us have been hurt one way or
another in the same way, male and female. God made us all different and
we all handle situations differently; but the important thing is that
you need to grieve, then pick yourself up and keep on going. I too have
4 children, was married for 12 years and recently divorced...Like you
PBJ, my children are my joy. I thank God for them each and every day.
Although it gets exteremely hectic at times, they really do keep me sane
and in check. Just don't close yourself off from those that care about
you. This really is a great place to talk and vent when you need to. I
will pray for you to continue to be strong and encouraged each day...