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| Topic: Dying without a relationship | |
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Bravalady, Navygirl and shareahug, well, you want an alcohol-free, honest man. I am honest as it gets, I speak my mind, I say in my profile I'm 5'4", fat, very fat, and poor. I don't drive, I don't have a job, and I'm mentally ill. You can't get any f ing more honest than that. So it is not actually honesty that you want, I call you out on that. You want honesty, AND a man who is, to your expectations, worthy of your love. Maybe have some money, be established, have a straight life, have the American dream accomplished. That's fine, I have nothing against that, your preference, it's okay with me. But please cut out the whining that you can't find an honest man. Honest man will tell the truth, and therefore he will never be a successful man. No boss, no woman, nobody likes to hear the truth. Heck, not even I like to hear the stuff that comes out of my mouth most of the time. If you want an honest man, you will get an arrogant boor who is a moody cynic. If you want an established man, with a good, steady lifestyle, you won't get honesty. Maybe you will get a pleasant life, a good life, a happy life, but honesty has nothing to do with that. Honesty and telling the truth is the pits. Stop whining about "dishonest guys", because you reject the honest AND the dishonest alike. There are totally different criteria you want in a man who can be your future partner, and that's fine, but don't call that quality "honesty". I say this because with all my bad and good qualities and attributes, I am proud of being honest. It's nothing to be so cocky about, but it is MINE, and I am a rare man in this. I got disdain and jeering all my life for being honest, and yet I stuck with it. Therefore I take honesty seriously, I don't want you to toss this word around meaninglessly. This is my sanctity. My quality that I uphold, not because it's such a hoo-hoo-hot quality, but because it's mine. I have it and I practice it. This is the reason I beg you to use a different cover-word of describing a man in one single word that you want. Say tall, rich, good, dependable, anything, I won't mind, but please, please, don't use "honest" because that is what describes ME, and ME only, vis-a-vis the men from which you want one for yourself. It is an insult to me when a woman who has rejected me a hundred times says "I want an honest man." It is ludicrous, hypocratical, phillistyne, and two-faced. So please go and find a different word, don't use "honest", please, because that's a direct insult to me, and furthermore a complete lie you are uttering. I stand by my convictions of meeting an honest man. I had men tell me straight I was over weight and at the time I was. I didn't get mad; I just worked harder to take the weight off. My male friends are honest with me too and tell me if I look good or not; that is what a normal human being should do. Yes; I know men lie and so do women as most relationships are built on lies. One dare not tell the one they love the truth for fear of hurting them because if they did; there would be no relationships. However; all this is meaningliess as I have no desire to meet any man honest or not. I will be honest that I have nothing to offer a man or have nothing to offer a relationship. How is that for honesty? |
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Every1 nids a relationship,with man,with God.U are already dead when u dnt have a relationship with God but a relationship with man u can do witout it period
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or gimme Milka hazelnut milk chocolate bars."  With raisins it's even better I saw a bumper stick, once, that read: I Kill for Chocolate! |
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Edited by
Maerz2803
on
Mon 10/29/12 08:08 PM
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or gimme Milka hazelnut milk chocolate bars." With raisins it's even better I saw a bumper stick, once, that read: I Kill for Chocolate! Well I don't go that far, just to the store and buy it LOL. Target & Walmart |
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I was looking for a spot to write this and I think maybe I found it...Ihave been married twice...22 years and 16..first ended in divorce...he was an abusive alcoholic....and the second ended just about 2 years ago through death...he had lung and bone cancer...now I am used to being married....love the partnership...I had with my second husband..I like to share and have someone to laugh and talk with and of course miss the intimacy..my 3 closest girlfriends have all passed..all young...so I am very alone....I lost my middle daughter 15 years ago...have two grown daughter and two grandchildren..they all have their own lives and we spend as much time together as possible....but I WANT MY OWN LIFE>...I have done what I should do..I have grieved, gone to support groups, taken classes, volunteered(thought I was lucky to retire at 54) ....so I feel I have a good life..all that's missing is that special someone to share with....I have met 16 men in a period of 8 months....all with issues...trust, commitment, work 90 hours a week....spend every weekend with their kids....why they are on dating sites advertising that they want to be in a relationship is beyond me...I have met liars, drunks, creeps.....each of them tells me I am prettier in person a nd look ten years younger....have a great personality (not shy, not hard to talk to)....and have a fantastic sense of humor....so what is the problem..that I cannot meet an honest man...online....in my state ...around my age...I should throw all that in..I have many men who want to fall in love online from CA ...I'm in PA...that doesn't work for me...what to do...what to do.. I think the men you came across (liars, drunks, creeps...) spent more time on (false) advertising more than anything. There is, unfortunately, no 'secret' to finding the right man online, if you so wish you do so. Sometimes its hard to weed out the bad ones from the good ones as it seems the liars do a heck of a job perpetrating to be good. I do hope you find what you are looking for. Good luck to you 
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Why should a person die without a relationship?. To hell with this life. I would rather die without a relationship...than be in one that is horrible. If my family's love is all I could have, then I would simply die happy 
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Edited by
wux
on
Tue 10/30/12 02:17 AM
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Dude get your priorites straight!!! Many folks on here are fighting for our lives and U worry about dying with out a relationship? Maybe if U wasnt looking for an intimate encounter a LADY (which the women on this site are) and start out as friends instead would be a bit more interested in getting to know U!!!!  What brought this out, Mikey? Is there any logical or emotional connection between your message and the first opening post? Let's suppose you are right and Mikey is saying "be thankful for what you have." The poster has misery, pain, loneliness, and he is near suicidal. I would not thank fate or providence for being so lucky as to have all that. What I was trying to say is... oh, never mind. I'll never get this Mikey-thing. Never. Ever. It is abhorrable to me, if anything. It is something so far removed from my emotional world order... if someone else is suffering, that does not matter at all, and this someone else must be shamed, and ashame of himself, because he is not suffering from the same thing as Mikey. No suffering is suffering, unless it's Mikey's suffering. I think this is more what Mikey was trying to say. |
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Die without a relationship? Get a dog then if you cannot manage with fellow humans. Very rewarding.
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My son died last month. He had just turned 40...One day he wanted to have a talk with me about dying and leaving. It wasn't easy because I wanted to believe that he would "beat" the "odds."...I told him that I felt sad because he might not have a chance to get married and have kids of his own. This had always been one of his goals in life. (Among many other goals and dreams too.)...But he told me that it was "okay." (And not to fret about it!) He said he had reached one important goal when he turned 40!...And he said he had "peace" about his life and no regrets...He told me that he felt lucky to have me as his mom. And he felt blessed to have 2 loving dads too. (His birth dad and his stepdad.)...He was happy and at "peace" about his life even though he didn't accomplish all of the goals he set for himself. He said he'd "make up for it" in the next life!...He felt sad about leaving me. But I was happy that he found so much "peace" when it came to what he did (or didn't do) during his life. And "peace"about dying...I hope he sends me down some of his "peace!" I could use a little more "peace" right now!
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However, nobody should die alone. Friendships are relationships as well. humm...must take somebody with. 
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My son died last month. He had just turned 40...One day he wanted to have a talk with me about dying and leaving. It wasn't easy because I wanted to believe that he would "beat" the "odds."...I told him that I felt sad because he might not have a chance to get married and have kids of his own. This had always been one of his goals in life. (Among many other goals and dreams too.)...But he told me that it was "okay." (And not to fret about it!) He said he had reached one important goal when he turned 40!...And he said he had "peace" about his life and no regrets...He told me that he felt lucky to have me as his mom. And he felt blessed to have 2 loving dads too. (His birth dad and his stepdad.)...He was happy and at "peace" about his life even though he didn't accomplish all of the goals he set for himself. He said he'd "make up for it" in the next life!...He felt sad about leaving me. But I was happy that he found so much "peace" when it came to what he did (or didn't do) during his life. And "peace"about dying...I hope he sends me down some of his "peace!" I could use a little more "peace" right now! Thanks for sharing that with us... I'm sorry for your loss. I hope your son sends you some of that peace
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My son died last month. He had just turned 40...One day he wanted to have a talk with me about dying and leaving. It wasn't easy because I wanted to believe that he would "beat" the "odds."...I told him that I felt sad because he might not have a chance to get married and have kids of his own. This had always been one of his goals in life. (Among many other goals and dreams too.)...But he told me that it was "okay." (And not to fret about it!) He said he had reached one important goal when he turned 40!...And he said he had "peace" about his life and no regrets...He told me that he felt lucky to have me as his mom. And he felt blessed to have 2 loving dads too. (His birth dad and his stepdad.)...He was happy and at "peace" about his life even though he didn't accomplish all of the goals he set for himself. He said he'd "make up for it" in the next life!...He felt sad about leaving me. But I was happy that he found so much "peace" when it came to what he did (or didn't do) during his life. And "peace"about dying...I hope he sends me down some of his "peace!" I could use a little more "peace" right now! Thanks for sharing that with us... I'm sorry for your loss. I hope your son sends you some of that peace |
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My son died last month. He had just turned 40...One day he wanted to have a talk with me about dying and leaving. It wasn't easy because I wanted to believe that he would "beat" the "odds."...I told him that I felt sad because he might not have a chance to get married and have kids of his own. This had always been one of his goals in life. (Among many other goals and dreams too.)...But he told me that it was "okay." (And not to fret about it!) He said he had reached one important goal when he turned 40!...And he said he had "peace" about his life and no regrets...He told me that he felt lucky to have me as his mom. And he felt blessed to have 2 loving dads too. (His birth dad and his stepdad.)...He was happy and at "peace" about his life even though he didn't accomplish all of the goals he set for himself. He said he'd "make up for it" in the next life!...He felt sad about leaving me. But I was happy that he found so much "peace" when it came to what he did (or didn't do) during his life. And "peace"about dying...I hope he sends me down some of his "peace!" I could use a little more "peace" right now! Thanks for sharing that with us... I'm sorry for your loss. I hope your son sends you some of that peace |
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Green Eyes...my sincerest sympathy...I lost my midle daughter 15 years ago...she was 21 and at the height of her life..so I know how your heart feels......
Simplicity ..thanks...the Jackass I've been dealing with ...comes clean Monday night...we work all out..and then today he asks me to friend him on FB ..I do...he accepts immediately and sends me all these great songs....and then in a flash his whole account is deleted...he is more drama than a group of Middle school girls....I don't need this crap in my life...always wondering....worrying...I want a happy, committed partnership..full of peace and love and sharing..not this crap....but I've been looking for 8 months now....different dating sites..and nothing...I have an appt monday with a match maker..don't think I can afford it though.....so I will continure to dream and be lonely.... |
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Shareahug, sometimes if we just let things happen it works out a whole lot better than trying so hard. 16 guys in 8mos. seems like a lot of quick dates before you got to know the guys.
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Green Eyes...my sincerest sympathy...I lost my midle daughter 15 years ago...she was 21 and at the height of her life..so I know how your heart feels...... Simplicity ..thanks...the Jackass I've been dealing with ...comes clean Monday night...we work all out..and then today he asks me to friend him on FB ..I do...he accepts immediately and sends me all these great songs....and then in a flash his whole account is deleted...he is more drama than a group of Middle school girls....I don't need this crap in my life...always wondering....worrying...I want a happy, committed partnership..full of peace and love and sharing..not this crap....but I've been looking for 8 months now....different dating sites..and nothing...I have an appt monday with a match maker..don't think I can afford it though.....so I will continure to dream and be lonely.... Take it from me Matchmakers are high pressure master salepeople and a MAJOR a rip off when it comes to finding you someone desireable. They have the same people you can find on most dateing sites and sometimes worse because they can afford to pay the fee plus bonuses to get "top billing" and they want their money's worth. Usually when you least expect them to come accross with that revelation. You are better off to take your time and chat awhile longer. Research a guy for his ownline posts. Check up the things he tells you for truthfulness and attitude. Will save you a lot of Kissing Frogs. But there are nice guys out there hang on. |
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Bravalady, Navygirl and shareahug, well, you want an alcohol-free, honest man. I am honest as it gets, I speak my mind, I say in my profile I'm 5'4", fat, very fat, and poor. I don't drive, I don't have a job, and I'm mentally ill. You can't get any f ing more honest than that. So it is not actually honesty that you want, I call you out on that. You want honesty, AND a man who is, to your expectations, worthy of your love. Maybe have some money, be established, have a straight life, have the American dream accomplished. That's fine, I have nothing against that, your preference, it's okay with me. But please cut out the whining that you can't find an honest man. Honest man will tell the truth, and therefore he will never be a successful man. No boss, no woman, nobody likes to hear the truth. Heck, not even I like to hear the stuff that comes out of my mouth most of the time. If you want an honest man, you will get an arrogant boor who is a moody cynic. If you want an established man, with a good, steady lifestyle, you won't get honesty. Maybe you will get a pleasant life, a good life, a happy life, but honesty has nothing to do with that. Honesty and telling the truth is the pits. Stop whining about "dishonest guys", because you reject the honest AND the dishonest alike. There are totally different criteria you want in a man who can be your future partner, and that's fine, but don't call that quality "honesty". I say this because with all my bad and good qualities and attributes, I am proud of being honest. It's nothing to be so cocky about, but it is MINE, and I am a rare man in this. I got disdain and jeering all my life for being honest, and yet I stuck with it. Therefore I take honesty seriously, I don't want you to toss this word around meaninglessly. This is my sanctity. My quality that I uphold, not because it's such a hoo-hoo-hot quality, but because it's mine. I have it and I practice it. This is the reason I beg you to use a different cover-word of describing a man in one single word that you want. Say tall, rich, good, dependable, anything, I won't mind, but please, please, don't use "honest" because that is what describes ME, and ME only, vis-a-vis the men from which you want one for yourself. It is an insult to me when a woman who has rejected me a hundred times says "I want an honest man." It is ludicrous, hypocratical, phillistyne, and two-faced. So please go and find a different word, don't use "honest", please, because that's a direct insult to me, and furthermore a complete lie you are uttering. There is a way to be honest and also be non-sexualized, diplomatic, compassionate, tactful, insiteful, wise, tasteful, restrained, polite, considerate, assertive, socially appropriate, humorous, and mature as a communicator but not every honest man has all those traits. Contrary to your opinion; Mikey does. That he also is considerate enough to point out to the OP that his failure with meeting women who want a relationship is his stated goals in his profile which is neither self righteous or depreciateing the OP's situation is accurate. That you defend the OP's tactics as suicidal when they sound more like a sexist narcasistic bully looking to nail any one of the Mingle Sister's you have here is amazeing. Guess we know who our friends are. |
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Green Eyes...my sincerest sympathy...I lost my midle daughter 15 years ago...she was 21 and at the height of her life..so I know how your heart feels...... Simplicity ..thanks...the Jackass I've been dealing with ...comes clean Monday night...we work all out..and then today he asks me to friend him on FB ..I do...he accepts immediately and sends me all these great songs....and then in a flash his whole account is deleted...he is more drama than a group of Middle school girls....I don't need this crap in my life...always wondering....worrying...I want a happy, committed partnership..full of peace and love and sharing..not this crap....but I've been looking for 8 months now....different dating sites..and nothing...I have an appt monday with a match maker..don't think I can afford it though.....so I will continure to dream and be lonely.... |
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Lately I have had very little time to visit or post here, but I'm glad I choose today and that I saw this thread. There's a lot of caring here and a lot of profound thinking. Maybe because I'm not daily tied to mingle (not that I wouldn't like to be and have been) it gives me (maybe, maybe not) a different view of this thread. Sometimes when we see someone on-line every day we start to think we know them. We see certain things they do that give us an image of their personalty according to us. We also have others that are more than happy to paint someones picture just incase we don't get it. From what I see though, we spend a lot of time painting our own picture. A picture that we want to have projected as an image of us. Is it really us? This goes back to topics I have seen where we are asked is that really you? The answers come back resoundingly yes, I'm real. However, if you study this in psychology (everyones taken psyc right LOL) you learn that this is only a triggered response that is almost always yes. Fact is most spend more time projecting an image than being at peace with who we really are. I'm not going to lie, I go through this myself. Self examination has been a big part of my life cause I really want to know and love me, and I really want to love others as I love me. I'm by no means the poster child of selflessness.
If I'm not faithful to myself I will never be faithful to others. Are my words and thoughts driven more by selfish wants over truthful needs? I think we sometimes suffer from the need to have others see our suffering. This within itself is a form of suffering. Some call it pity, but I think it is more involved than that. Crying out is crying out, and no matter what the circumstances are it's still a voice saying "I'm hurting". A voice saying "I haven't found peace". A voice saying "look at me". We can look at this through what we think we know about someone, or we can care because pain and suffering is taking place regardless of what the hurt was caused by. Even the pain of "look at me" is a real pain and to be perfectly honest is probably a big reason why many come here. I don't see anything wrong with that, maybe just maybe, I see more right with that than wrong. Maybe having a screen and keyboard is as personal as needed or as personal as some can get for what ever reason. Oh ye men, I send you out to be healers and peace makers, not war makers and those who promote discourage. |
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Edited by
heavenlyboy34
on
Thu 11/01/12 11:56 AM
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I'll throw my 2 cents in FWIW.
In my experience, if you aren't at a point where you are happy with yourself, trying to get into a relationship won't help (and will most likely be counterproductive). When you are happy with yourself and your life, then you can go about finding someone to share your happiness with. Another thing-don't get into a relationship in hopes that they will make you happy. Get into it for the joy of making the other person happy. :) ETA: You may find inspiration in the work of St. Augustine-especially his writing on love. |
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