People don't know what questions to ask anymore when getting to know someone new... We have to start with conversation based on the mental instead of face to face conversations which tends to get lost in the physical attraction that people have for each other. Also, men have to start hanging out more with women, and women need to start hanging out more with men. A group of women cannot help each other when it comes to men, only a man can do that, and vice-versa!!!

Hi Apprentice, I'm so glad you brought this subject up, because I've been trying to figure out how to address it myself.. so here goes... I'm newly single after an 18 year marriage and fresh to the online dating scene. And it seems like nearly every man who says he's looking for a long term serious relationship asks me the same laundry list of questions, like there's a playbook men follow... and it's sooo not cool. The first real aggravating one is.. "What do you do for a living?" Now, why do men want to know that first thing? When as a woman, I don't ask a man that until we're on our first date over dinner or something, and it's an appropriate time to discuss such things. But a first conversation? I know I've been out of the dating world for nearly 2 decades but has dating protocol changed that much? And why do men need to know if I own my home, and have a car? And they follow that up with.. "I'm able to relocate if we hit it off." Really? Because I won't. But, what gets me going even more is, "Are you married?" as if they haven't even read my profile data that I made an effort to post for up front clarification purposes. Look, I know I'm soap boxing a little, but you brought the subject up and I'd like to know how you would do things differently, or do all men follow the same line of "mental" reasoning?

The men who ask the kind of questions you listed are looking for money, not love...Use a little common sense and you'll be fine...

"Common sense is genius dressed in working clothes."
Ralph Waldo Emerson

The men who ask those kind of questions are looking for a woman they won't have to support. They're looking for a woman that won't be asking to borrow money because her car is broken down.

These questions are not asked by men that are trying to truly date and meet someone. These questions are standard scammer lines.

Just like the re-locate statement and that they have "feelings" in the very first e-mail or IM chat, or that they want to go offsite to a yahoo e-mail. It's all blah, blah, yada, yada.....

I have a difficult time with this, because most women automatically assume that I am "analyzing" them and get defensive if I ask the questions that interest me about her. I am not an analyst, never even studied it. Most people don't "get" what it is I do for a living.

I ask if they want to watch Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers, if they say no, I move on. If they say they've seen it I ask for their hand in marriage.

I am curious now. What exactly do you do?

Apprentice... I apologize to you for my testimony having usurped your thread, plz forgive me, this wasn't my intent. But... I so appreciate everyone's willingness to step up and offer the jewel's of your knowledge.

Leigh.. thank you for your advice.. I realize their motivation very quickly when they are more concerned about my financial security than getting to know me as a person first. Shame on them..

Texas.. thank you for your input too. I agree with your assessment. But, I'm old school, and I expect my man to take care of me the same way I take care of him. We rely on each other. And if my car breaks down the first thing I do is call him for help, and if need be, he will stop whatever he's doing to come get me off the road and tow or have my car towed for repairs. He'll also pay the bill, knowing that if he desires repayment for his selflessness we can always barter in exchange.

Maerz.. thank you for your comments also. From your perspective it appears you may have run across a few of these scoundrels yourself.. glad we can relate..

TB.. thank you also.. The types of questions asked up front make a big difference in how the conversation and feelings unfolds, and if the focus is more on the material and not spiritual aspects of a person, walls instinctively go up, a bad impression is made, and perhaps a complimentary find is lost because of a lack of communication skills. I need to learn your secret if people still don't "get" what you do for a living. Care to share?:

Torgo.. You're just tooo funny. Enough said..

Cutiepie.. Thank you for your interest too. But, you also will have to wait until our first date, at the very least..

It takes time

You are silly! I do Psychiatric Rehabilitation. The motto is "whatever it takes". Do you want techniques? I do Cognitive-Beahvioural, Gestalt, Person Centred, Erikson hypnosis, behavioural backward chaining, etc. I do a lot of art at this job, but here I only studied Klein and I am not gonna tell anyone that they want to have sex with their opposite sex parent or they fear their same sex parent will cut their nads off. I do WRAP and Recovery oriented activities, such as found on the SAMHSA tool-kits. That is why this job is so frustrating, its structure does not support my approach. Here I mainly do crisis management and problem solving. However, I did forensics for 13 years and can profile the heck out of people, I sometimes creep people out when I can tell them what they did or what they are gonna do next.

Thank you for the updated information about yourself, TB, if I am following you correctly I now understand why most people that don't seek or receive psychiatric intervention might find it difficult to fathom what you do. And I am only assuming that you are able to read your clients so well because of the extensive history provided on intake and through aftercare that is stored in their records. That and the fact that most of us are creatures of habit and repeat the patterns in our behavior we are most familiar and comfortable with. Your job sounds quite fascinating even with the stress related conditions you work under. Peace to you..

Thanks, I didn't mean to go into detail. However, it gets frustrating when people seem to want to date you for free therapy, or think I am analyzing them- one lady on here said she thought I was offering my services which she could not afford. When all I am doing is trying to meet people and have a conversation with interesting people.

PS- intakes are often useless, because people tend downplay what is going on with them

TB, the detail is fine with me, it helped to open my mind to you so now the ice has been broken between us. And, yes you are right, most people who don't believe in, or feel safe entrusting their lives issues and secrets to professionals don't always disclose important facts that would help to accurately "diagnosis" and treat them correctly. But if they continue returning for services eventually their true characters are easier to ascertain and quantify. I understand your frustration about people looking to gain something for nothing from you, but there must be a way to censor this activity and still allow yourself to have and enjoy fulfilling conversations with those you find interesting and/or challenging. Stress, both on the job, and in your leisure pursuits will most surely put you in an early grave if you are not able to find an equal balance for yourself, my friend. I wish you luck and the best of wishes to find what your heart seeks..

ibaceltic... yes, it pains me to come to this conclusion as it is a sad fact that the roles of the sexes have changed so much throughout the decades that men expect to be taken care of, while not doing their part to take care of us first. And they can't understand why it's difficult for them to find and/or keep a woman who expects and wants a man, not a momma's boy. Thank you for your comments.. I'm glad we can relate..