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| Topic: Should we, or shouldn’t we? | |
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Hello Athena……just a thought here but I couldn’t help but notice that 75 percent of your question is dedicated to the presumed demise of the hypothetical relationship. Perhaps if 75 percent was reserved for the success of this hypothetical romance then there may be no question to ask. Just an observation. Only a fool would buy a house and then not pay for insurance. Smart people plan for things that could go wrong as well as things going right. |
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We meet online, live 50 or more miles apart, and have been seeing each other for some months, traveling back and forth between residents mainly on weekends spending quality time together while also satisfying our sexual connection… all things are going good between us and we decide to become more serious about our commitment, eventually agreeing on monogamy… as time goes on, gas prices start to rise, and it becomes more costly to continue round trip sexcapades… so we decide to take one more serious step to keep our relationship together, by one of us giving up our residence to move in with the other… in order to retain our individual property that we bring into the now combined relationship, should we draw up and sign a binding document that details what belongs to whom, and that we will take our things with us should the relationship dissolve? Because possession is 9/10th the law, when a break up occurs and tempers might be flaring, the one who remains in the residence is able to legally retain possession of all material assets until the one moving out can prove what property is theirs… so advance preparation to cover both our buttz with a binding agreement will make the breaking up process easier and quicker… but… how do you personally feel about taking these kinds of advance safety precautions when just starting out in a relatively new relationship? Relationships shouldn't be taken as Contracts. Issues like dis should be of Little importance. I think People Should be Concerned about Pleasing each other, ratha than Worry about what Belongs 2 who. #My Opinion# I agree with you 100%. It shouldn't be about tangible things. It should be about feelings and connection and fighting the world together. And if that's the case, if the other person really isn't trying to get their hooks into your savings account, they should have no a problem signing a contract that states they won't have access to it. It's my opinion that men and women are equal and each person should plan their own future and pay their own way. Since 50% of marriages end in divorce, it just doesn't make sense to bet your life savings of a relationship. It's going to Las Vegas and putting everything you own on red. Sure, you could double your assets. You could also lose EVERYTHING. Ask yourself; what will you gain by sharing your place with another person? Will that person love you more? Will you be more connected? I suppose there's the benefit of sharing expenses, but is that really worth the risks? I don't think so. It is a shame, Scoundrel, that trusting people is so difficult, and that we always have to be looking out for ourselves... it's like there are so many damn walls/barriers we put up to protect ourselves from hurt and loss, especially at our age, after we've had a lifetime of experience and a few hard lessons to chide ourselves about... that even taking the first step toward a real emotional connection can make us stop in our tracks... because at our age we also understand the true value of our space, time, and assets, and they are worth more to our future security and happiness than a personal relationship with another human being whose motives and actions we just can't predict... I hate that life and love is such a gamble... and that being jaded is the new norm... |
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Edited by
AthenaRose2
on
Tue 02/26/13 12:56 AM
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Hello Athena……just a thought here but I couldn’t help but notice that 75 percent of your question is dedicated to the presumed demise of the hypothetical relationship. Perhaps if 75 percent was reserved for the success of this hypothetical romance then there may be no question to ask. Just an observation. Bekindtohorses... I can truly appreciate your view point, but I also stop to recognize that it is a much easier scenario to see as a man, in a man's world, who ultimately holds the majority of authority in a relationship... and if things do go south it can even be his final decision on who gets what even in the courts, the majority of the time... and I say this with first hand knowledge and experience... so any woman worth her salt will protect herself in advance from the authority that could be turned against her when the love connection has later turned to hate and even revenge depending on the circumstances... |
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oops.....I guess all my stuff has been hauled away because I seem to have posted and echo. sorry. lol no probs.. Mingle is having site issues again... being way too slow and posting extra messages... this happens more times that is convenient for its users... |
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Edited by
AthenaRose2
on
Tue 02/26/13 01:38 AM
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I don't see why it couldn't just be responsibly decided without the need of a contract. because when people are just beginning a new relationship they are filled with love, anticipation, hopes, dreams, ambition, and honest feelings of togetherness, wanting to work side by side to achieve whatever goals they start out looking toward... then if/when everything changes, all the newness wears off, the two who became one are now two again, and they're ready to call it quits and move on to someone else they can experience the newness with again... then feelings of love and the willingness to share everything can quickly turn to anger over some wound created, either on one or both their parts, and rational thinking and behavior is left in the stands watching, as their counterpart being impulsive reaction takes the ring and turns a once peaceful union into a combative melee... with each trying to outwit and gain the most from their previous efforts to create a life together... so, if the conditions upon which their separation and breakup are decided and legally agreed upon during the loving and sharing stage, then neither stands to lose what they brought into the relationship, and it makes the breakup much less stressful and time consuming for both parties... as there's not too much fighting over who gets what at this final demise of their previous togetherness... of course if there are children involved now, a different kind of fight can ensue if the couple are the types that like to be contentious rather than cooperative.. |
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I don't see why it couldn't just be responsibly decided without the need of a contract.  if he doesn't trust me at my word why are we making future plans at all that involve each other on a personal level...? because words aren't enforceable by law, unless they're in a clearly understood and written format.. and the majority on Mingle already have one or more relationships in the can, and know the reality of the combining of hearts, and the destruction they can bring once the mind takes over and might want revenge over whatever reason that breaks them apart... at a later date.. |
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I don't see why it couldn't just be responsibly decided without the need of a contract. if he doesn't trust me at my word why are we making future plans at all that involve each other on a personal level...? It's not about trusting your word, it's about the laws in the state where you happen to live. In most states, there are three items that have to be met for a "common law marriage" to happen. The first is cohabitation (that's what we're talking about), the second is co-mingling of assets (something you should avoid if marriage is not on the table at this time) and the third is to introduce the other as your husband or wife (people sometimes do this just to keep things simple and to avoid awkward questions). If you're moving in together, you could become married and not even know it. If you don't think you're ready for that step, it's best to spell that out in a contract so everything is clear. thank you for providing a clearer perspective of the legalities involved, Scoundrel... most states do have their own separate definitions of laws they enforce, and common law marriages aren't recognized in some, like here in Alabama, so it's wise for anyone considering to create and abide themselves by any form of contract to at least visit their state legislatures web site and read over the laws/codes where they reside, so they can be better prepared to know their rights, and fully understand what details they need to include.. |
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I don't see why it couldn't just be responsibly decided without the need of a contract. because when people are just beginning a new relationship they are filled with love, anticipation, hopes, dreams, ambition, and honest feelings of togetherness, wanting to work side by side to achieve whatever goals they start out looking toward... then if/when everything changes, all the newness wears off, the two who became one are now two again, and they're ready to call it quits and move on to someone else they can experience the newness with again... then feelings of love and the willingness to share everything can quickly turn to anger over some wound created, either on one or both their parts, and rational thinking and behavior is left in the stands watching, as their counterpart being impulsive reaction takes the ring and turns a once peaceful union into a combative melee... with each trying to outwit and gain the most from their previous efforts to create a life together... so, if the conditions upon which their separation and breakup are decided and legally agreed upon during the loving and sharing stage, then neither stands to lose what they brought into the relationship, and it makes the breakup much less stressful and time consuming for both parties... as there's not too much fighting over who gets what at this final demise of their previous togetherness... of course if there are children involved now, a different kind of fight can ensue if the couple are the types that like to be contentious rather than cooperative.. If that is what a relationship is built on...I'll stay single. Dunno, sounds kind of selfish to me...Spiteful, maybe even some jealousy. Just doesn't make an awful lot of sense to me, why would you keep an ex's s*? |
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Edited by
AthenaRose2
on
Tue 02/26/13 03:11 AM
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I don't see why it couldn't just be responsibly decided without the need of a contract. because when people are just beginning a new relationship they are filled with love, anticipation, hopes, dreams, ambition, and honest feelings of togetherness, wanting to work side by side to achieve whatever goals they start out looking toward... then if/when everything changes, all the newness wears off, the two who became one are now two again, and they're ready to call it quits and move on to someone else they can experience the newness with again... then feelings of love and the willingness to share everything can quickly turn to anger over some wound created, either on one or both their parts, and rational thinking and behavior is left in the stands watching, as their counterpart being impulsive reaction takes the ring and turns a once peaceful union into a combative melee... with each trying to outwit and gain the most from their previous efforts to create a life together... so, if the conditions upon which their separation and breakup are decided and legally agreed upon during the loving and sharing stage, then neither stands to lose what they brought into the relationship, and it makes the breakup much less stressful and time consuming for both parties... as there's not too much fighting over who gets what at this final demise of their previous togetherness... of course if there are children involved now, a different kind of fight can ensue if the couple are the types that like to be contentious rather than cooperative.. If that is what a relationship is built on...I'll stay single. Dunno, sounds kind of selfish to me...Spiteful, maybe even some jealousy. Just doesn't make an awful lot of sense to me, why would you keep an ex's s*? I don't know if by your question of "why would "you" keep an ex's".. is directed at me or not, FaL... but I was taught to return what doesn't belong to me... and by so doing, strife is left by the wayside along with the broken hopes and dreams that were involved... but, as an astute observer of human nature, and a privy witness to many and various acts of unkindness perpetrated against those who claim to love and are allegedly loved, protecting ones assets is a logical action to take when considering that others weren't taught the same lessons, and may in fact only initiate a relationship with the hopes of gaining whatever they can that they don't previously possess themselves, or even have the ability to obtain because of their own unpredictable, irresponsible, and precarious lifestyles... "Love" can be blind to the realities when the heart is seeking comfort, and may be willing to sacrifice everything in order to obtain what it needs to feel connected to another person... and we're more eager to lay ourselves on the table for the taking when we're younger and haven't experienced the negative sides to life... yet... but how many times do you have to learn the same lesson before it finally sinks in to do things differently as you get older and wiser... Personally, fear... it bothers me immensely that trust can't be honored unless we sign our names on the dotted lines first... but life and love is what it is... and only the strong/wise survive in relative security.. after all, love doesn't pay the bills or put a roof over our heads... |
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We meet online, live 50 or more miles apart, and have been seeing each other for some months, traveling back and forth between residents mainly on weekends spending quality time together while also satisfying our sexual connection… all things are going good between us and we decide to become more serious about our commitment, eventually agreeing on monogamy… as time goes on, gas prices start to rise, and it becomes more costly to continue round trip sexcapades… so we decide to take one more serious step to keep our relationship together, by one of us giving up our residence to move in with the other… in order to retain our individual property that we bring into the now combined relationship, should we draw up and sign a binding document that details what belongs to whom, and that we will take our things with us should the relationship dissolve? Because possession is 9/10th the law, when a break up occurs and tempers might be flaring, the one who remains in the residence is able to legally retain possession of all material assets until the one moving out can prove what property is theirs… so advance preparation to cover both our buttz with a binding agreement will make the breaking up process easier and quicker… but… how do you personally feel about taking these kinds of advance safety precautions when just starting out in a relatively new relationship? Relationships shouldn't be taken as Contracts. Issues like dis should be of Little importance. I think People Should be Concerned about Pleasing each other, ratha than Worry about what Belongs 2 who. #My Opinion# I agree with you 100%. It shouldn't be about tangible things. It should be about feelings and connection and fighting the world together. And if that's the case, if the other person really isn't trying to get their hooks into your savings account, they should have no a problem signing a contract that states they won't have access to it. It's my opinion that men and women are equal and each person should plan their own future and pay their own way. Since 50% of marriages end in divorce, it just doesn't make sense to bet your life savings of a relationship. It's going to Las Vegas and putting everything you own on red. Sure, you could double your assets. You could also lose EVERYTHING. Ask yourself; what will you gain by sharing your place with another person? Will that person love you more? Will you be more connected? I suppose there's the benefit of sharing expenses, but is that really worth the risks? I don't think so. I see where yu're Coming from Difference in Cultures and Lifestyle 
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We meet online, live 50 or more miles apart, and have been seeing each other for some months, traveling back and forth between residents mainly on weekends spending quality time together while also satisfying our sexual connection… all things are going good between us and we decide to become more serious about our commitment, eventually agreeing on monogamy… as time goes on, gas prices start to rise, and it becomes more costly to continue round trip sexcapades… so we decide to take one more serious step to keep our relationship together, by one of us giving up our residence to move in with the other… in order to retain our individual property that we bring into the now combined relationship, should we draw up and sign a binding document that details what belongs to whom, and that we will take our things with us should the relationship dissolve? Because possession is 9/10th the law, when a break up occurs and tempers might be flaring, the one who remains in the residence is able to legally retain possession of all material assets until the one moving out can prove what property is theirs… so advance preparation to cover both our buttz with a binding agreement will make the breaking up process easier and quicker… but… how do you personally feel about taking these kinds of advance safety precautions when just starting out in a relatively new relationship? Relationships shouldn't be taken as Contracts. Issues like dis should be of Little importance. I think People Should be Concerned about Pleasing each other, ratha than Worry about what Belongs 2 who. #My Opinion# hi Kennee... Hiya Pretty Face
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I don't see why it couldn't just be responsibly decided without the need of a contract. because when people are just beginning a new relationship they are filled with love, anticipation, hopes, dreams, ambition, and honest feelings of togetherness, wanting to work side by side to achieve whatever goals they start out looking toward... then if/when everything changes, all the newness wears off, the two who became one are now two again, and they're ready to call it quits and move on to someone else they can experience the newness with again... then feelings of love and the willingness to share everything can quickly turn to anger over some wound created, either on one or both their parts, and rational thinking and behavior is left in the stands watching, as their counterpart being impulsive reaction takes the ring and turns a once peaceful union into a combative melee... with each trying to outwit and gain the most from their previous efforts to create a life together... so, if the conditions upon which their separation and breakup are decided and legally agreed upon during the loving and sharing stage, then neither stands to lose what they brought into the relationship, and it makes the breakup much less stressful and time consuming for both parties... as there's not too much fighting over who gets what at this final demise of their previous togetherness... of course if there are children involved now, a different kind of fight can ensue if the couple are the types that like to be contentious rather than cooperative.. If that is what a relationship is built on...I'll stay single. Dunno, sounds kind of selfish to me...Spiteful, maybe even some jealousy. Just doesn't make an awful lot of sense to me, why would you keep an ex's s*? Sounds like a Good Decision |
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We meet online, live 50 or more miles apart, and have been seeing each other for some months, traveling back and forth between residents mainly on weekends spending quality time together while also satisfying our sexual connection… all things are going good between us and we decide to become more serious about our commitment, eventually agreeing on monogamy… as time goes on, gas prices start to rise, and it becomes more costly to continue round trip sexcapades… so we decide to take one more serious step to keep our relationship together, by one of us giving up our residence to move in with the other… in order to retain our individual property that we bring into the now combined relationship, should we draw up and sign a binding document that details what belongs to whom, and that we will take our things with us should the relationship dissolve? Because possession is 9/10th the law, when a break up occurs and tempers might be flaring, the one who remains in the residence is able to legally retain possession of all material assets until the one moving out can prove what property is theirs… so advance preparation to cover both our buttz with a binding agreement will make the breaking up process easier and quicker… but… how do you personally feel about taking these kinds of advance safety precautions when just starting out in a relatively new relationship? Relationships shouldn't be taken as Contracts. Issues like dis should be of Little importance. I think People Should be Concerned about Pleasing each other, ratha than Worry about what Belongs 2 who. #My Opinion# I agree with you 100%. It shouldn't be about tangible things. It should be about feelings and connection and fighting the world together. And if that's the case, if the other person really isn't trying to get their hooks into your savings account, they should have no a problem signing a contract that states they won't have access to it. It's my opinion that men and women are equal and each person should plan their own future and pay their own way. Since 50% of marriages end in divorce, it just doesn't make sense to bet your life savings of a relationship. It's going to Las Vegas and putting everything you own on red. Sure, you could double your assets. You could also lose EVERYTHING. Ask yourself; what will you gain by sharing your place with another person? Will that person love you more? Will you be more connected? I suppose there's the benefit of sharing expenses, but is that really worth the risks? I don't think so. I see where yu're Coming from Difference in Cultures and Lifestyle exactly... |
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We meet online, live 50 or more miles apart, and have been seeing each other for some months, traveling back and forth between residents mainly on weekends spending quality time together while also satisfying our sexual connection… all things are going good between us and we decide to become more serious about our commitment, eventually agreeing on monogamy… as time goes on, gas prices start to rise, and it becomes more costly to continue round trip sexcapades… so we decide to take one more serious step to keep our relationship together, by one of us giving up our residence to move in with the other… in order to retain our individual property that we bring into the now combined relationship, should we draw up and sign a binding document that details what belongs to whom, and that we will take our things with us should the relationship dissolve? Because possession is 9/10th the law, when a break up occurs and tempers might be flaring, the one who remains in the residence is able to legally retain possession of all material assets until the one moving out can prove what property is theirs… so advance preparation to cover both our buttz with a binding agreement will make the breaking up process easier and quicker… but… how do you personally feel about taking these kinds of advance safety precautions when just starting out in a relatively new relationship? Relationships shouldn't be taken as Contracts. Issues like dis should be of Little importance. I think People Should be Concerned about Pleasing each other, ratha than Worry about what Belongs 2 who. #My Opinion# hi Kennee... Hiya Pretty Face  you big flirt 
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Nah, I couldn't do it, what could possibly go wrong
 I have only been married 4 times and still believe it's forever
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Nah, I couldn't do it, what could possibly go wrong I have only been married 4 times and still believe it's forever you're just too adorable, josie... a genuine risk taker that plays every hand until you have to leave the table and wait for the next game's hand to be dealt...  and of course I speak of this figuratively... 
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Edited by
Bekindtohorses
on
Tue 02/26/13 04:05 PM
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Hello Athena……just a thought here but I couldn’t help but notice that 75 percent of your question is dedicated to the presumed demise of the hypothetical relationship. Perhaps if 75 percent was reserved for the success of this hypothetical romance then there may be no question to ask. Just an observation. Bekindtohorses... I can truly appreciate your view point, but I also stop to recognize that it is a much easier scenario to see as a man, in a man's world, who ultimately holds the majority of authority in a relationship... and if things do go south it can even be his final decision on who gets what even in the courts, the majority of the time... and I say this with first hand knowledge and experience... so any woman worth her salt will protect herself in advance from the authority that could be turned against her when the love connection has later turned to hate and even revenge depending on the circumstances... We need signs to tell us not to step in the big hole……you might get hurt. Liability issue resolved. It’s a contract. I’ll take the sign that is not in print…..the one that smiles when I walk into a room or puts a smile on my face when she walks into a room. You can keep my stuff if that’s all it takes for my heart to truly feel at home |
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Generally, I don't search for women any further than 10 miles distance because I don't want to get myself into a long distant relationship. I prefer someone closer. Being able to date or see each other at the last minute if we so want.
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We meet online, live 50 or more miles apart, and have been seeing each other for some months, traveling back and forth between residents mainly on weekends spending quality time together while also satisfying our sexual connection… all things are going good between us and we decide to become more serious about our commitment, eventually agreeing on monogamy… as time goes on, gas prices start to rise, and it becomes more costly to continue round trip sexcapades… so we decide to take one more serious step to keep our relationship together, by one of us giving up our residence to move in with the other… in order to retain our individual property that we bring into the now combined relationship, should we draw up and sign a binding document that details what belongs to whom, and that we will take our things with us should the relationship dissolve? Because possession is 9/10th the law, when a break up occurs and tempers might be flaring, the one who remains in the residence is able to legally retain possession of all material assets until the one moving out can prove what property is theirs… so advance preparation to cover both our buttz with a binding agreement will make the breaking up process easier and quicker… but… how do you personally feel about taking these kinds of advance safety precautions when just starting out in a relatively new relationship? Well number one, and a very big number one I might add, is that when property and things are involved, I would certainly give the relationship a ell of a lot more time than "some months" before making any decisions, no matter how good the sex is. |
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Hello Athena……just a thought here but I couldn’t help but notice that 75 percent of your question is dedicated to the presumed demise of the hypothetical relationship. Perhaps if 75 percent was reserved for the success of this hypothetical romance then there may be no question to ask. Just an observation. Bekindtohorses... I can truly appreciate your view point, but I also stop to recognize that it is a much easier scenario to see as a man, in a man's world, who ultimately holds the majority of authority in a relationship... and if things do go south it can even be his final decision on who gets what even in the courts, the majority of the time... and I say this with first hand knowledge and experience... so any woman worth her salt will protect herself in advance from the authority that could be turned against her when the love connection has later turned to hate and even revenge depending on the circumstances... We need signs to tell us not to step in the big hole……you might get hurt. Liability issue resolved. It’s a contract. I’ll take the sign that is not in print…..the one that smiles when I walk into a room or puts a smile on my face when she walks into a room. You can keep my stuff if that’s all it takes for my heart to truly feel at home you've made a generous proposal here.. but it's not your stuff I'm interested in keeping, but my own... 
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