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| Topic: Being "picky" or selective? | |
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It seems like a put-down to call someone "picky" when it comes to dating...But what would happen if we didn't have any preferences at all? Would anyone do?...Don't we have the right to look for someone who seems compatible with us?...But it's probably a good idea to have level-headed (and realistic) expectations versus hoping to marry Miss America or Prince Harry etc..What do you think?
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It seems like a put-down to call someone "picky" when it comes to dating...But what would happen if we didn't have any preferences at all? Would anyone do?...Don't we have the right to look for someone who seems compatible with us?...But it's probably a good idea to have level-headed (and realistic) expectations versus hoping to marry Miss America or Prince Harry etc..What do you think? You have the right to qualify what you seek in another in any type of relationship you wish to enter into...Others DO NOT have the right to label you, question you, or judge you if they don't agree...To each his own.... 
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Too often we become so highly selective we pass up someone who could make us happy.
It is hard not to do that. |
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There's a good reason why I'm picky when it comes to choosing a life partner. I look to see if they require the same qualities in a lover that I do. I don't think I could just throw caution to the wind and give other types a try. Why would I NOT want a lover with morals, self-respect, self-control, and a positive personality? I don't ask for much, but sometimes seeing all the trashy types out there, offering themselves like an over-used condom, makes me not want to try again. Yuck. lol
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You know, you'll always get others telling you to lower your standards, but in all actuality, you could end up with a wife-beater, a thug, a drug addict, if you do. So you do what you want. You're obliged. No one can control you.
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It seems like a put-down to call someone "picky" when it comes to dating...But what would happen if we didn't have any preferences at all? Would anyone do?...Don't we have the right to look for someone who seems compatible with us?...But it's probably a good idea to have level-headed (and realistic) expectations versus hoping to marry Miss America or Prince Harry etc..What do you think? well Prince Harry isn't ready to marry so I'm in a funk.  he's still at the party naked stage as we have....ummmm.....witnessed nice butt cheeks  
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Edited by
sweetestgirl11
on
Mon 03/04/13 06:34 AM
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Too often we become so highly selective we pass up someone who could make us happy. It is hard not to do that. the "best deal is just around the corner syndrome?" I'm not like that, but evey man I have met on here (internet) is I mean the ones I have talked with...makes me like, well, maybe it's me an my choices....who knows....maybe they were married and not disclosing that is more like it...lol |
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I heard something where someone said women are wired to look for men who can offer the most to any future children they could have together. I think I can agree with this. Men, however, are wired differently. Just a matter of knowing who is truly worth it in the long run.
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I've been told by friends/acquaintances that I'm far too picky countless times, and reminded that I'm not a male model, not rich, etc., so in their words I should "take what I can get". I've been single for years, while everyone I know seems incapable of being single for a matter of a couple months before they're settling for whatever comes along next. And I don't just draw some bitter conclusion that they're settling because they find someone faster than me, but rather, because their relationships are extremely short-lived. I can do without that kind of BS, and I kindly point that out when they start talking their crap about it.
I'll admit, I've always been picky, more so than I would like. At times, being alone gets old, and I find myself wishing I were less selective. I won't even say it's that I have "high standards", because I've passed up chances with what most would consider attractive girls who had a lot going for them in most other aspects too. And vice versa, I've been interested in girls that most would consider unappealing. It's just rare that I feel a connection with a girl that makes me want to "go for it". And as luck would have it, the few times I have, they've been taken, not interested, crazy enough to make me regret speaking to them, or my favorite - Things start off well and they unexpectedly go for another guy. Average things everyone goes through in their dating life, but they tend to suck more when you rarely try, lol. But for now, I'm not settling. I've even had this and a few other online dating accounts for a couple years now. I've met a few times in person, but nothing solid yet. So, yes, I'm "picky". But to me, no relationship is better than a bad, or even half-assed relationship. So I'll only go for what I feel has the potential to be an awesome match, and if I'm not feeling it on my end, I know better than to try to force it. So, if the women I'm truly compatible with are one in a million, those are odds I'll stick with rather than settle for being unhappy with the wrong person. If you wanna call that "too picky", so be it. |
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Great posts!...I don't grab the first pair of shoes I see in a store and rush out...I like to take my time and look for my own "style" when it comes to clothes or cars or homes or anything in life. (Including dates and mates!)...It's not about judging anyone or anything "bad.".. I'm just looking for a "good fit" and a compatible match... I like to be a "smart shopper." (Based on my own needs and preferences and budget etc.).. If people were a little "wiser" when it comes to selecting a mate maybe the divorce rate would go down. This is how I feel anyway...I was selective and it took me 12 years to find a truly compatible mate. (My deceased husband.) But he was definitely worth the "wait!"
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It's such a cliche to label someone who cannot settle just with anyone to be "picky"! Do not be put down by such labels. To my experience, most of the people who are considered "picky" in reality just know themselves better and are ready to wait (and be single) longer than those who are not considered "picky"....
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Edited by
1Cynderella
on
Mon 03/04/13 09:27 AM
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I think we often confuse our WANTS with NEEDS. What I take from my own observations are that people who prescribe to the “love the one your with” mentality feel that they NEED romantic love and in the absence of romantic love, substitute with doses of physical affection.
On the other hand, people who recognize romantic love as a WANT or desire will tend to wait for what they WANT. Some itemize the qualities their ideal romantic love partner will possess, while others simply look for the romantic feeling they desire. No matter which thought you prescribe to, we are all, at the base, very much the same. We all WANT to be loved romantically and have someone to WANT and accept the love we have to offer another. Therefore, coming back to the question, I can’t take being too “picky” as a put down. If anything it’s a lift up/compliment. It means I won’t settle for anything less than the type of respect and romantic love from a partner than I deserve. A certain amount of compatibility is definitely important. No matter how amazing the sex may be, it will never be enough to bridge between two opposite thinking people. If you cannot communicate with one another or you disagree on every subject, your relationship will be forever fought on the battleground and who wants that? On the opposite end of the spectrum, total compatibility would be like having a relationship with your twin. In this relationship there is little need to communicate at all. Who wants that? I believe there has to be a balance of compatibility that keeps minds from clashing but communication flowing. Regarding realistic expectations... ...if you want a super model, for the sake of her being a super model, then you will never get to really know her...this is not a REALationship. If you want a prince, for the sake of him being a prince, you will never get to really know him...this is not a REALationship. There is nothing REAListic in a relationship that is forged from anything but a true and very personal knowlege and acceptance; reciprocally so. A disclaimer for the spell mongers in attendance: No words were harmed in the writing of this posting, but were temporarily misspelled for emphasis only. |
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I am VERY picky, that's why I'm with Leigh
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I am VERY picky, that's why I'm with Leigh |
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There are a few that will sleep with anything on two legs or more, but I think most people have standards. Some are a little too high but most people want someone they are attracted to and can get along with.
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Edited by
AthenaRose2
on
Mon 03/04/13 12:50 PM
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It's our life to make happy, so it doesn't matter what anybody else thinks
in the long run, because it should only be the two of us involved in our relationship when we lay down to sleep at night. As long as we love each other, and we know we're the right fit, that's all I'm really looking for. So, if my heart and gut tells me the man for me is in front of my face, I'm going to grab him and run... as fast and as far away from anything and everything that might try to interfere with our togetherness... because I don't like sharing my man... |
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I am VERY picky, that's why I'm with Leigh Thanks Claire..  
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If one has a good selection and screening process, more than 75% of the problems are already handled.
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If one has a good selection and screening process, more than 75% of the problems are already handled.
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I think we often confuse our WANTS with NEEDS. What I take from my own observations are that people who prescribe to the “love the one your with” mentality feel that they NEED romantic love and in the absence of romantic love, substitute with doses of physical affection. On the other hand, people who recognize romantic love as a WANT or desire will tend to wait for what they WANT. Some itemize the qualities their ideal romantic love partner will possess, while others simply look for the romantic feeling they desire. No matter which thought you prescribe to, we are all, at the base, very much the same. We all WANT to be loved romantically and have someone to WANT and accept the love we have to offer another. Therefore, coming back to the question, I can’t take being too “picky” as a put down. If anything it’s a lift up/compliment. It means I won’t settle for anything less than the type of respect and romantic love from a partner than I deserve. A certain amount of compatibility is definitely important. No matter how amazing the sex may be, it will never be enough to bridge between two opposite thinking people. If you cannot communicate with one another or you disagree on every subject, your relationship will be forever fought on the battleground and who wants that? On the opposite end of the spectrum, total compatibility would be like having a relationship with your twin. In this relationship there is little need to communicate at all. Who wants that? I believe there has to be a balance of compatibility that keeps minds from clashing but communication flowing. Regarding realistic expectations... ...if you want a super model, for the sake of her being a super model, then you will never get to really know her...this is not a REALationship. If you want a prince, for the sake of him being a prince, you will never get to really know him...this is not a REALationship. There is nothing REAListic in a relationship that is forged from anything but a true and very personal knowlege and acceptance; reciprocally so. A disclaimer for the spell mongers in attendance: No words were harmed in the writing of this posting, but were temporarily misspelled for emphasis only. |
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