I learned that because a relationship ends does not necessarily mean that love ends. It just changes.

My best friend of twelve years finally decided he wanted children, a decision not compatible with my plans. I have a seventeen year old child and am not wanting to start again at this point. I love my friend dearly, but we both feel we are not compatible.

At first I was angry, but he's a good man, and I've loved him for a long time, something that just doesn't stop because I didn't get what I wanted. We are both moving on... untangling, and living separate lives, but we maintain a friendship. This is difficult at times, but important to me.

I see a lot of profiles that say "no head games". I wonder what that means to them. We need to be gentle with one another's hearts.

Melu

You are doing the right thing and its quite mature of you to recognize that your lifestyle differences can be incompatible. Hopefully others reading your situation will delve deeper into their hearts and find their truths and then in a caring way share with the significant other how to best go about parting as friends. Some 57% of divorced couples are still angry ten years after their divorce and this is a very sad event as the degree to which a persons stays angry keeps them from getting closer to a new person.. It is a difficult task to manage ones emotions but the failure todo so keeps a person stuck and unable to move forward very much,,,

Finally. Someone who can be mature about an ex. I learned to never hold grudges, and alwayd respect the other's decision. If they play mind games, I can normally tell, so that's when I show them the door. Years later, they will try to get back into my life, that's okay if they apologize first, and allow us to be civil, otherwise if they're angry, narky, moody, negative, I won't want to give them another chance. I prefer to just let it go. Talking to them about what went wrong, can help a great deal.

This is a beautiful post!

:-)

I learned I'm about as good at a relationship as I am at flying a space shuttle...So I dropped the idea and now am pursuing educational goals.

We'll see how it goes.

sounds to me like he found someone else...one excuse is as good as any coming from a man....I have dealt with that exuse of wanting a family and I already ahve grown children....so that's not something I can do. Something he knew when we met.

I discussed it with him and then thought it over for while. During that "reflection time" whne it appeared to him that I would break up with him over that (which I planned to), he changed his mind. I accepted that at first. Other things lead to me eventually telling him that I wanted things to end

but having to deal with his garbage and head games regarding that issue was a big reason. 3 years later he is still unmarried, no children.....so I was right he was just trying to create drama unecessarily

total dealbreaker

what I learned is to break things off immediately at any hint of drama or games - don;t wait- he will not change

Melu- yes, people change. People also get better at living their own truths, too. I went through/ am going through that kind of period, myself. It s not easy. Fortunately, my partner and I are working things through and are still heading in the same direction. If the time comes that we no longer are able to do so, I hope that we deal with things as maturely as you have.

Reset. Regroup. Be kind to yourself. That's all we can do.

I'm trying to learn to trust again I'm having a hard time with it I know and believe there are still good and honest men out there but I recently went through something that's making trust hard. So that's what I'm working on

That I'm a strong, intelligent and perfectly capable woman to achieve whatever I want in my life.

That I can unconditionally love others and myself, and I choose to.

That I can forgive myself for whatever I may have done wrong. Learn about it, and just understood that every choice I took, at the long run (sometimes short) are blessings in my life, if not I wouldn´t be who I am today.

Aww. Yes it's tough, isn't it. We also worked on things for a good long time, as we promised each other not to give up until we had really tried to fix it. There were so many circumstances that worked against us too. Maybe without those, things wouldn't have come to an end, but it's a futile exercise to think about that.

I like what you say about reset regroup and be kind to yourself. That last one is key!! I also found being kind to each other really helped both of us to accept things and move on because there was very little bitterness and a big interest in helping each other ease our pain. So we help each other in whatever ways we can and we do coffee and stuff. It's hard not to call him babe, or honey, or sweetheart any more, but we're having fun trying to think of new nick names for each other.

Anyway. I wish you much peace with whatever happens. Either way, you will be ok. You have a good mind set

Thank you mg, that's nice to hear.

That's a good thing to do, F&L. Sometimes we just need to spend time with ourselves. Don't worry though. You've learned from the relationships you've had, right? you get better at it with practise

No sweet. He didn't cheat. He has too much respect for himself to do that. He really is a good man.

I'm so sorry you experienced so much pain in your relationship.

Oh I hear that pkh. I was married to a man for three and a half years before I realized he was a compulsive liar and he turned out to be really quite nasty. That was a very hard thing to get over. Be gentle with yourself. It's ok that you're having trouble trusting again. Remind yourself that you're good and kind and all the lovely words you can think of, and that you'll be ok. It's ok, things will get better.

Great attitude Kat!!

there wasn't that much pain. more like stress, actually...I just weighed the drama factor and when the meter got too high I figured he wasn't worth the stress - he needs a woman who likes to feed it. I don;t. I want totally drama free....he knew that and liked to push buttons. really I think he was too immature to be taken seriously. so I didn't.

I didn't really mean that yours was cheating - just that it sounded like he met someone else. I am very literal Scupl, I say exactly what I mean so when people try to add interpretations they are usually wrong...lol

ah well yanno ... one down, hey maybe the next one will be cuter :)

People who say "no head games" are the people who usually play them on you.

Yes Jeanie Beanie, you might be right. Or they're someone who got very hurt by someone.

But I really think Kic is right on the money. It's hard to come out of a relationship with a healthy attitude when you've been hurt by someone dishonest. Those people who hang onto bitterness for dear life I think are really scared by what could happen if they let themselves trust, without realizing they'll never accept another person who is just like the one they just left. So they're already safe. Or maybe I'm limited in my perspective.