I thought this presented a pretty balanced view, thought it does not exactly answer the OP, It seems relevant:

http://living.msn.com/love-relationships/love-sex/is-she-really-just-a-friend?icid=blogmsnliv

I have a lot of men friends and that is exactly what they
are..just friends!! If I am dating someone, I would want
my boyfriend to be friends with them also. I would never
try to hide any of my male friends from him, just like I
would expect him to never hide any of his female friends
from me.
You can have friends of the opposite sex and nothing will
happen. My male friends that I have, I have never had sex
with and I never will. You have to trust your partner or you
should not be with them!!

I completely disagree. People who say this tend to be the ones who get very jealous of their boyfriend/girlfriend's opposite sex friends, though.

So you make her choose you or her friends? Wow.

Friends are friends period. I can't even imagine crossing that line or having one of my friends cross it with me. I'm always a little surprised when people don't have a natural respect for each other. See, I would have a hard time saying someone was my friend if they didn't have the ability to keep this straight.

Never heard such tripe in my life, that they can't be. lol. And painting everyone who is male or female with the same brush? Do me a favour. Honestly, maybe it means such a person doing the accussing is the one who is sleeping with all their opposite sex "friend's", because if anyone saw friendship for what it truly is, they'd know what NOT to do.

I used to believe in friendships between men and women but I don't know what to believe anymore. I love people and I am so friendly with them, I like to talk to people including men but every man I've been close with (just hanging out and talking) ends up having a crush on me and it's so confusing, so I am thinking may be it's a bad idea to be friends with guys, I don't know !

I still don't mind my partner having friends of the opposite sex though, I don't like to be a jealous woman .
My boundaries on this issue is honesty, if you have some feelings for someone else just tell me and don't hide it, either we fix it together and stay together or separate in peace, and I don't mind staying with my partner till he finds out what he really wants ..

I didn't mean to offend anyone's tripe. I don't make anyone choose or do anything. I guess from experience: when she said "he's my friend." she meant lover. from that moment on I just call BULLSPIT. As far as anyone else here, have your friends and fun.
I didn't expect to be ridiculed for expressing my opinions. I find that happens quite a lot here. Perhaps I shouldn't.

It is very possible to have opposite sex friends. I have quitea few of them and yes we are JUST FRIENDS. Some of them are extremely attractive but so what. Doesnt mean I wanna fk'em or date em. In fact i see them as like a lil or big sister. I'd do anything for em and i know they'd do the same for me. I cant/wont speak for women but i think alot of guys cant be just friends with a woman because of ego (whether it be they have a low ego and need to try to flirt with every woman just to gain attention.....or a big ego where they just have to try to prove to themself they can land any chic they are around). It takes a balanced ego in a guy of being confident but not overly confident to be able to be justfriends with a woman. Thats my opinion anyway.

I relate very well with the first part of your post. I went through a phase where I avoided my male friends for that reason, until I realized how natural it is for his mind to go there after a while and it doesn't have to mean the end of a friendship, because it's just a phase and the friendship is more important in the end.

The reason I think this happens, is that as he goes in and out of relationships over the course of your friendship, he begins to think of you as his longest and truest relationship, something he's probably not found in a romantic relationship yet, so the ideal is to turn this lasting bond INTO the romance he wants.

If you stay true in your friendship with him, time and understanding...and probably a good talk...will eventually make him come to his senses and he will realize that the main reason your relationship is so good and lasting is BECAUSE it IS a friendship and non romantic.

The way I see it, if they've slept with them...it's not honest to expect you to view them as just friends. There is only one reason I can see subjecting a current boyfriend to an ex lover, and that's only when there is a child involved.

Otherwise, total openess and honesty is the only way to maintain opposite sex friendships when in a romantic relationship.

In an awkward moment when we were both single, one of my long time male friends and I got it in our minds that we were probably the perfect match and had been ignoring what had been right in front of us for years. So we kissed and came to our senses very quickly because it was like kissing a cousin to both of us. Yikes! From then on, any man I dated was told about the incident...had a good laugh and moved on. This particular friend was always welcome around whoever I was dating and often became better friends with them than he was with me.

I understand that. A friend of the relationship is cool. As far as other things are concerned, when did we start talking about eggo's? just leggo. I don't care if that's what you think will land you on the good side of the girls on this site. i notice there was no mention of the not-beauty-queen friends. What if i found that the girl who's been there through thick and thin, with truth and honesty, is more attractive to me for this than her physical attributes.It hasn't happened to me, but I can understand how it would be like kissing a cousin.

Just because someone has lied to you in the past doesn't mean all women will lie. So, making a decision that anyone you're dating can't have opposite sex friends is pretty controlling, especially when it's based on a previous experience.

Eggo? I'm not out to impress the women here. I'm a girl.. I was just agreeing a bit and also making a case that girls and boys can be friends past grade school without wanting to screw each other.

I certainly didn't plan on upsetting you or starting an argument. Sorry.

I apologize cyndi. I agreed with you, I disagreed with someone else.

There's nothing wrong with disagreeing.

As long as you're upfront about your expectations of women not being friends with men when you start dating, I'm sure that's fine. That way, the woman can make the decision in the beginning about whether she's willing to give up friends for a relationship.

Oh...was wondering what I said or how you took it.

The scenario you posted though is exactly what we were thinking when we attempted our disturbing kiss. We used to spend a lot of time together when we were single because we had an easy non threatening thing between us. We were the stable person to go to for each other, so it made sense that those were the very things missing in both of our relationships with others. I tbink there is such a thing as knowing someone too long in a non sexual way that makes it impossible to see them in a romantic light though. I think thats what makes it like kissing a cousin. I don't think looks had anything to do with it though...well not on my end...cause my friend was HO double T, I still couldn't look at him like other women do.

I agree that becoming a friend of the couple is important. I don't consider myself the jealous type, but wouldn't care for my boyfriend spending spare time alone with a single female friend, unless I were very familiar and at ease with the nature of their relationship to each other. I enjoy being friends with my boyfriends friends anyway...they are an important part of his life. I will hope he can be friends with my friends as well, because anything important to me I'll automatically want to share in with him.

It seems in some circles or maybe cultures (not sure) the maturity level of how to divide certain types of love and relationships has somehow been blurred. This area should be so common sense. It would really make me sad to find out that any of my friends would think that I was coming on to them and it would make me equally as sad that they did not know me well enough to tell the difference between my love for them and me getting a h*** on. It kinda makes my stomach flip to think that they might confuse the two. Yuk, I tend to stay away from people who get this kind of stuff mixed up. I joke around a lot with my friends and would be surprised to find out that they have ever not understood where I stand or expect them to stand. Maybe that respect is what makes us friends.

I look at the whole attitude of gray area here as someone being highly deceitful by nature. I do know a ton of guys and gals who are like this but they are kept outside of my person circle cause I don't like the dirty feeling of betrayal. It's got such an obvious evil and bad vibe to it. It also is one of those traps I think for a lot of folks that once caught up in it's selfish web they don't even have the ability to see the wrong and harm. They defend cheating and getting laid like it's a game to add scores to, and that's pretty pathetic. It's much like adult grade school and shows me a real lack of self worth and the worth of those around that person.

Certainly the most beautiful of experiences of life should not be treated with such corruption. Exploring the unknown is one thing but knowing and still living in a mudd puddle, well that's dirty and I don't find much glory in that, even though I see it's popularity in a sick minded world.

Hey sensuality is great with all the trimmings or lack of but cutting in front of someone elses love line is screwing with other's chances to have a fulfilled meaningful loveship. Again it's one of those topics that is not about "only me", but the good of many.

I don't like the dirty feeling of betrayal.

No one does. But I would think that keeping communication open, rather than saying her friends or you would be much better. People can have opposite sex friends and really just be friends. If a guy I was dating told me I had to choose my friends or him, I would think he doesn't trust me, which means the relationship just won't work.