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| Topic: The Difficulty of being a vulnerable man | |
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That chit sounds KINKY as hell !  Doesn't it though? I'm like, my gawd, I have to hear more... 
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Edited by
KiK2me
on
Tue 11/05/13 01:12 PM
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That chit sounds KINKY as hell ! Doesn't it though? I'm like, my gawd, I have to hear more... 
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well, it happened. I broke down. I was in the shower, thinking about my life, my relationship that fell apart, the woman I loved who I was prepared to plan a future with who rejected me. I was thinking ont he past two months, how it's been a struggle to keep my emotions in check, how difficult it's been to try and make a connection with someone lately, and how utterly lonely I am. I took all that, sank to the floor of the shower, and cried until I couldnt anymore...  Best to acknowledge feelings. You don't try to suppress a smile when you're happy, when good things happen in your life. Why would you try to suppress tears when you're sad, when life isn't so kind? It is healthy to acknowledge and express your emotions. Do not feel bad for losing it. We all do at some point in our lives when the weight of the world bears down upon us. Luckily we have the chance to change our outlook on life with each new day, and actually with each new moment if ya really think about it. ...I still don't feel like myself. I never feel whole unless I'm with someone, or at least I feel MORE whole when I am, because i thrive on the exchange of information the physical affection, the witty repartee and back and forth, the laughter, closeness, affection.... ...its getting harder and harder to tolerate the silence and my hearts going into rock-hard mode whenever I try to connect with someone and get nothing in return. Or i get a message back saying "sorry you're not my type." I almost caught myself in thinking there was something wrong with me. There is something wrong with you. There's something wrong with all of us. Nobody is perfect. All you can do is be the best you that you know how to be if that makes sense. Work on your faults. Play to your strengths. Focus on the things that make you smile and do those things with friends or alone until you meet someone special. Food for thought...maybe the past relationships didn't work and you're struggling to connect with someone now because you've never felt whole alone. You need to ask yourself why this is. If you can't be happy without someone, you'll never be happy with someone. Your happiness or self-worth shouldn't depend on another's opinion or actions. You're great not just when somebody thinks you're great, but when you strive to be great. Realize this and give the gift of you to the world. Somebody will recognize it as such and you will find what you seek. Enjoy your life alone and you won't be alone long.  I cant get over how useless I'm starting to feel, but i know i have to stay strong and remind myself that things don't happen instantaneously, and how much now, more than ever, patience HAS to take hold. I'm stepping away from things for a while. at least until such time as my heart can be balanced again and i can feel better....it's been up and down for the past few months since my breakup and I'm extremely vulnerable and hating it.... hanging by a thread... Life is a rollercoaster ride of ups and downs. Know that you've had wonderful, fantastic memorable times throughout your life and you will have many more in the future. Only you can choose whether to focus on the negative or positive things (and people) around you. Look in the mirror and smile knowing you are blessed to be able to make that choice another day. Then go make the most of it! Good luck on your journey. This was the exact acknowledgement of my feelings I was looking for. Thank you. I got some rest and felt better. As for some of the rest of you guys....meds? Seriously? Things get low, but I pride myself on being human and not suppressing my feelings or emotions or stunting them with pills. Therapy for me is friendship, people to talk to, a distraction, or what solace I can provide myself. Psychotherapy? Thanks for the suggestions but...wow. You're quite welcome. Glad to hear it. I should be like Lucy in Peanuts and charge ya a nickel.  Go forth and spread joy now. Pay it forward, ya know. And agreed that you don't need meds or professional help if this is an isolated or generally rare incident. If it was chronic, or becomes chronic, then you should seek assistance from outside sources. For random meltdowns, ya get Lucy for a nickel telling ya to go listen to Three Little Birds.  I'd give you a dollar for that advice! |
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I've been in the same boat man, a lot. Hell I tried to knock myself out and nearly broke (my already broken) jaw. Tried to drown myself multiple times.
Yet outward everyone thinks I'm a normal, happy dude. as in, just normal enough to say hi to but not normal enough to even be friends with, forget about dating. But you know, we just have to make do with what we've got and apparently this life just wasn't supposed to work for me and I've sort of accepted it, I'll keep up the apperances and make meaningless connections with people who can't wait to get away from me after 15 minutes until this broken husk of a body can't take anymore and withers into the ashes. Just keep walking the walk, there's a road that goes nowhere that we have to travel. |
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You know J, your far from alone. Something that might help is the realization that the reason why there are forums like this is because many of us are dealing with something. We may be more or less open about it but we are dealing with something. You know another thing, you may not find it here. This may be the place you can come to and bleed a little but it may or may not be the place where someone takes you up on your hearts desire. That's ok too. Just having the place to come to might be enough. Mingle is a great healing place and if that's all you get out of it, that's more than a lot of places in this world and life offer. No harm done in sharing what is on your mind, and you know what, no harm if that woman doesn't step up to take the bait. It's ok to be lonely, and it's ok to think that you may never find true love. These are feelings most of us have gone through for all types of reasons. Sometimes it's worth it just to be able to say ouch and know that other people are listening. I feel ya there, I primarily come here not really looking for much of anything but to share stuff and make friends. what you are experiencing is called despair. It is a difficult place to be. Whenever possible surround yourself with good people whom you trust. Do things you know you are good at to build confidence and lift spirits (but don't lift too many spirits...lol)  In reading what you wrote, I think you do need to learn to love yourself and be comfortable with being alone before jumping back in. In learning to appreciate that witty exchange within yourself, and love who you are, you will be better prepared to share yourself with another from a platform of desire rather than need. Feel free to send me a message any time to talk...peace out
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Edited by
cuddlebunny00
on
Tue 11/05/13 07:36 PM
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I can only help by saying this one thing JR.
When a person tries too hard they sometimes sabatage themselves because they focus way too much on what they don't want or can't have, rather than what they DO want or what they think they are worthy of [Universal law of attraction] You get what you FOCUS on. As the saying goes "that person will come along when you stop looking" I hear so many people say this happened to them when they finally got on with life and quit looking. You are very good looking man..in shape and intelligent. There is nothing wrong with you but your thoughts and feelings are keeping you from that person who is meant for you. Heres a video for you if you have an open mind  http://youtu.be/eX6pX4LOLig |
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I have to wonder when someone feels such despair and chronic pain from feeling less than whole why they would ignore the medical help that might allow their body to re-align their mental processing/body chemistry to feel better.
Nobody is talking about dancing in the street naked with a needle hanging out of your arm. When what some medications for depression can often do ( in a short course) is balance of that body chemistry; that allows for healing rest, improved communication, more comfortable socialization, better digestion, less volatile sugar and blood pressure levels to name a few ways of being restored to health they would summarily dismiss it? Would you not drink water if you were dehydrated? Insulin if you were diabetic? Vitamins if you couldn't eat a balanced diet through a difficult time? Being depressed is a real treatable health issue. And yes crying, talking with friends, praying, fresh air and walking in the sunshine are all good tandem treatments but some people need SSRI's like some of us like watching TV with the color turned on than spending their life plodding through grainy grey black and white world they only endure. |
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I would like to recommend this book to you:
Intuition Magic: Understanding Your Psychic Nature by Linda Keen
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I have to wonder when someone feels such despair and chronic pain from feeling less than whole why they would ignore the medical help that might allow their body to re-align their mental processing/body chemistry to feel better. Nobody is talking about dancing in the street naked with a needle hanging out of your arm. When what some medications for depression can often do ( in a short course) is balance of that body chemistry; that allows for healing rest, improved communication, more comfortable socialization, better digestion, less volatile sugar and blood pressure levels to name a few ways of being restored to health they would summarily dismiss it? Would you not drink water if you were dehydrated? Insulin if you were diabetic? Vitamins if you couldn't eat a balanced diet through a difficult time? Being depressed is a real treatable health issue. And yes crying, talking with friends, praying, fresh air and walking in the sunshine are all good tandem treatments but some people need SSRI's like some of us like watching TV with the color turned on than spending their life plodding through grainy grey black and white world they only endure. For some people, there is a stigma about taking meds, for whatever reason. Some would rather battle depression, etc. on their own rather than admit they have a chemical imbalance and try to correct it. Personally, I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make myself feel better until I "get over the hump of life" so to speak, but that's just me. |
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My friend you are caught up in the darkness of being lonely and rejected. You are the only one who can make you whole. Step away from dating and regroup. Put your life back in your hands not someone else. Go out have some fun, slow things down, eat good food, drink good drink, go to the park and watch others just making their way through life. What you seek is coming your way my friend it will take time but you will get there. Good luck and God bless you.
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Listen to jacktrades, he speaks truth here.
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