What does friends first mean to you? If you start off as friends first, do you have a time limit before you start a relationship? Are there no dates until you become more than friends? How does friends first work for you?

Most of the time, once you're "just friends" that's all you are. And if you try to be more and it doesn't work out, it's hard to be "just friends" again. Or at least that's my experience. I'd rather meet a guy, we mutually agree that we're into each other and we start dating, that way, there are no mixed signals. If it doesn't work out, it just doesn't work out, I'd feel less guilty than if I had lost a friend.

friends is accepting each other as they are, not who they want to be. you know what kind of advice to expect, and when to seek advice and when not to. mistakes made as friends are easier to rectify than as lovers...

Those who date in the beginning, rather than being just friends can also accept each other as who they are. I don't see that as being solely a friends first thing.

I don't like surprises... being friends first cuts down on unnecessary surprises

So what you're saying is that you'd rather the surprise to come when you're still friends? How long do you stay friends before starting to date? And what are unnecessary surprises?

yes, that's what I'm saying...
depends on the woman, I guess... there's no set time limit, either it happens or it doesn't... I don't see the need to jump into a relationship without knowing as much as I can...

I did the friends first thing with my ex. Well, we spent a little time getting to know each other before we did anything but we did flirt and I made it pretty clear that I wanted more than just friendship.

The whole relationship was like that and she said that we were just friends when it suited her and said that she was my girlfriend when that suited her. Everything changed anyway when we stopped just being friends and I really doubt that any amount of being friends first would have let me know what I was in for.

Been there, done that. That's why you can't let the other person define the relationship, it's not fair. Either you're together or you're not, but it shouldn't change by the day. I think people pull that crap so they can act however they want and when you complain their excuse is, well, we're just friends, so what's wrong?

Sometime's male friends wink at me, or flirt, and it gets confusing if they're already taken. I just take it they mean it as a joke, and I make witty remarks right back.

Mmm I am thinking that if one was in the mood
to attach, then selecting from one's group of
friends could be an ideal pool of prospects.

Interesting post.

I have always been a little irritated with how certain words get thrown around.

I have moved around a lot in my adult life so been a lot of people in my life and I tend to compartmentalize my relationships.

There are the people I barely know but try to treat with dignity just because they are human beings. I practice manners and general empathy towards almost anyone that I don't see actively being a jerk or a threat to me or others.

I have my co-workers that sometimes I tolerate to actually like but often had to supervise so I kept things professional. Rarely talked about anything that was not job related. Definitely did not even think about socializing or flirting in the work place. Jobs in my field were very competative and high stress so not about to tank the means I support myself or family with over a work romance or casual friendship.

Dating has rarely been where I would apply the word friend. My true friends, rather the contrived social media version of friend, take time to develop. Usually in person exchanges and mutual interests. And someone I would create a friendship with probably means I have already not seen the potential for a dating relationship with but just like as a person in a plutonic way.

The whole Friend's With Benefits thing struck me as a word play on mistress and too lazy to establish a legit intimacy so folks were saying "I want and excuse to get in someone's pants (or wallet)" so we will call it FWB. Time and again that is exactly what it turned out to be every time I observed it. Time I tried it were hurt feelings all around so I learned my lesson. Hurt and pain has almost always been the after math I have seen too. Including many forced relationships that would have never existed had a pregnancy not "accidentley" happened.

Dating, in my mind, is suppose to be the casual plutonic stage where people sort out who they do and don't want to pursue courtship with. It isn't an excuse to justify using another person for a phony friend, or "quickie", or a subsidy for social/vacation spending, or finding a room mate or business customer. I have never got how anyone ends up being stuck with a freeloader in the dating scenario. If the dates are not at least pleasant and relatively equal in time and money then someone is getting used; why pretend? I get sometimes there are economic disparities and maybe a reciprocal date doesn't exactly match penny for penny but you don't balance the invitation by pimping yourself. I don't see picking a date because they auguement your status but if you are social climbing it should be pretty obvious.

Do I consider someone I actually love also my friend? Absolutely yes but it is a much deeper level of friendship than I have with the normal definition of friend. I don't co-mingle my life on all levels like I do with a spouse.

Yeah, that was what it was like. She would be all, "I don't want to get involved and we're just friends" and then if I wanted a day to myself she would be on the phone wanting to know why I wasn't calling and saying that I was a crap boyfriend. It wasn't all bad but she did do my head in a bit. The friendship was always there and if it hadn't been I don't think that it would have gone on for as long as it did.

With other women that I've been with I didn't really do the friends first thing and when it was over it was just over. There was one that I met on here and when she contacted me again last year I just wasn't interested and even though I had feelings for her at the time, I feel no bond with her at all now.

Some people are so selfish....well, it's good you sent her on her way; some people would have toyed with her emotions, knowing full well what she wanted. So it's nice that you didn't do that.

Yeah, if you mean the one that I met on here, I suppose that I could have had another fling with her but there wouldn't have been any future in it and she was another one that wanted it all on her terms and was trying to tell me what I had to do to make her happy, while saying that she didn't want anything serious. I'm not that desperate and it really isn't worth it when they're starting arguments and giving you a lot of drama if you are just "friends".

The ex that I'm talking about is the one that I've talked about before and we are just friends now and I don't have to deal with her drama anymore. Her boyfriend probably does but I don't have to put up with it and she doesn't have to put up with me when she can't be bothered or has other things to do either. Ocasionally she will get annoyed with me about some trivial thing but it never really turns into an argument now. Partly I suppose that it's just that she's changed since I broke up with her but it's just easier to get on with her without the emotional entanglements. I don't really regret the time when we were together but the genuine friendship that I have with her now is worth more than any amount of casual sex.

I've never been a friends first kind of person. The getting to know each other phase happens at the beginning of dating. If I become friends with someone, we generally stay friends.

Screw that!
I wanna test drive that kitty-Kat first.

Uh huh

I would love being just your friend.
If'n I was much younger, I'd have to chase you and try to make you my woman.

But, life is wut it is.

Love you always, Ms. 2KM.

((((((Willing)))))
A smile spread across my face...You know why?
Because of the Str8 RESPECT you just spoke to me
with.
Tells me what kind of man you are..but mostly,
It tells me what kind of woman, I am., because I know
Respect is earned.
It is an honour to be your friend.