I was in a relationship for 4+ years and we broke up close to a year ago. i moved to Europe again and ive been here moving on. when a few days ago i got a message on facebook from her saying she needs to talk to me so i did.

the first words out of her mouth were "im so sorry, i didnt know what i was losing". i mean im not anything special except im a loyal and faithful man and i do my best to take care of mine.

so it kinda made me feel pretty good so i continued to talk to her. not we talked about old times and all but as we wrapped up the hour and 33 minute convo she said "baby please give me a second chance, i love you and i cant be without you". i didnt answer her right away but told her i needed time to think.

i do not want to be with her because i know she moved on with some other guy twice her age because he had much more money than i did and thats why she left me. i am just now trying to get back into dating as ive not been with a woman since the day she left me. and i do still care about her and i wouldnt mind being friends but i do not know how to say that and make it sound lie im not being a jerk. Any help/advice would be appreciated. thank you and good day to all

She moved you to second-string.
She will probably return each time the first-stringer
does not work out.

You are older and wiser now.
You deserve to be running the game.

People often think that once love is over, they must
remove all traces of it.
Not necessarily so.
Being friends still can be an answer.

thank you :)

Her loss :-)

well i felt that once too as well. but as ive moved on i changed my mind and figured theres no loss for either of us but rather we were saved from a fake and wrong relationship. i wished for a long time she would come back to me lol and when she finally did i had changed my mind. but i know i can still be friends with her because i am not in love with her nor do i want someone so unloyal by my side. i care about her but caring is not worth giving 2nd chances over something like this.

Boy oh boy......
So,what didn't work out with the string (to borrow the word from Soufie)she moved on to??? I mean,back and forth should be left to table tennis/ping pong!!!

I say,say it as it is-that's the best way to say it!! Politely,precisely,concisely,so that she doesn't hold hopes of"maybe",apart from friendship!!

Good luck.

Thanks :)) i guess (and this is what i hear from the friends i still have there who heard it from her cousin though it could be unreliable info) he told her he was tired of her and that she had to leave, gave her 2,000 dollars to get her on her way. he told her it was fun while it lasted but he wasnt going to keep paying her for what he gets from other females for free. as i said i do not know how reliable this info is :))

Oh dear!!!!!!


But,the most important thing is,you now know what you want(or don't want)...
That changes things big time!!!

id rather be with noone at all than to be with a woman who chooses me 2nd and will run off as soon as she sees someone who she thinks is better. im over that lol. i forgave her long ago and i am not even mad because ever since i moved away i grew up and now i have a better life and a better job. so to me this seems like it was meant to be :)

My first serious girlfriend and I actually had somewhat of a similar situation (though it was she who moved to Europe for a while).
Three years later, she hit me up in World of WarCraft, of all places (which should tell you a lot about who I was and about who she was back then), and asked if we could get reacquainted because "I was the only one who knew her".
I made the mistake of breaking things off with her again a week after she came back into my life. I thought I had pretty good reasons for it at the time, but lately I've been pondering if those reasons were good enough.
When it comes to love and friendship, it's probably better to take a chance than not. If this is her "first offense"... do you think she deserves a second chance? (Though keep in mind it's a BIG first offense.)

i completely understand what your saying and i have thought of it but then i said to myself "if she really felt like she made a mistake it would not have taken her 11 months to realise it" i mean its so crazy that she leaves for money and lives with the guy for close to a year then wants me back and also in a relationship there has to be trust. honestly i doubt i could ever trust her again so right there is a for sure fail if i wanted her back. but my main reason is that a mistake is realised in a short amount of time. not 11 months later when the guy kicks her out.

Btw,
We may all say this and that,BUT,after all the venting,the soul searching,the pondering,the brain raking,etc.....it'll be completely up to you,what you want to do at the end of it all!
In life,we all make mistakes....and the fact that you are seeking advice may show that you,maybe,are tempted to do what you want to do(or not want to do )

I dont know what it exactly is but i know i still care about her. i mean being together for more than 4 years was something id looked for since i knew what a girlfriend was then being left all of a sudden one day hurt alot. but then i got over it. so i think me caring for her and having been with her for 4+ years is part of the reason im seeking advice. just t take others opinions in and decide what want to do 100%. right now im pretty sure i dont want her because i know i can have someone better and more faithful than her. but i still worry whether she is ok and everything. its like i still want to help her but dont want her. im quite confused lol

Honestly if one left you for another due to money they will most likely do it again if income has not changed.. It shows what she was out for in the first place. Regardless if she says she has a change of heart or not.. She most likely wants you back for security well that is till the next one with money comes along....

My advice loose all contact with her due to your feelings towards her... it will only be a thorn in your side as long as you still talk to her..

That is if you decide not to give her a second chance... sometimes out of site out of mind heals the heart faster...

thank you very much and i totally agree with that as well. id really like to stay friends with her but then again as friends we would talk more and maybe feelings could come back then if i give her another chance she will most like than not do the same thing again and honestly i dont want to go through that again. "fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me"

Somehow, your description of how you feel brings back memories of a friend of mine who was at the beck and call of his ex, and that ruined the new relationship that he was having at that time. Needless to say, the new girlfriend felt he cared more about the ex, and caused many squabbles.

So, what happens while you are still caring and still helping your ex, and you meet someone new? If you don't intend to patch up, better to cut off ties early......save both of you the anguish from later.

(but reading your post.....you already know what you need to do! Like you said, you have moved on)

thank you :) i think i know what to do now. i mean your righti have moved on and it could cause problems in the future. so im going to just tel her that i dont feel the same way and id like for her to just leave me alone. i just dont really know how to say it without seeming like a jerk but i can see it cant be avoided. so thank you and everyone else as well. you all did help me here and i appreciate it