A man met a lion in d bush, he knelt down, closed his eyes & started praying. When he opend his eyes, he saw d lion kneeling in front of him & was praying too. He was shocked. He asked d lion "Are u a Christian"? The lion replied "Mumu. Dn't u pray b4 u eat"? D man fainted. Dn't laugh alone. Pls put a smile on someone's face by sharing.

Too cute ... I will pass it on!

Thanks for sharing brother!

I heard this last year from a 10 year old

An English Teacher was teaching sentences in an English class...

TEACHER: Who can make a sentence with the word, ''spokesman''

EDWARD: My dad is a retired spokesman.

TEACHER: Good one Eddy! Who can make another sentence again with the word ''Stethoscope''.

KWAME: My dad is a retired Stethoscope. #smile#. Brigten U̶̲̥̅̊r day ˚°º≈withº°˚ a smile....( »̶·̵̭̌·̵̭̌✽̤̈̊М̤̣̲̣̥̈̇ό̲̣̣̣̥я̲̣̣̥и̲̮̣̥̅̊ɪ̣̝̇и̲̮̣̥̅̊G̲̣̣̣̥✽̤̈̊·̵̭̌·̵̭̌«̶ )

thanks my dear brother, you know what, just tell those you want to share it to...that they should continue laughing through their nerve by bring out their teeth...just as I am doing......aaahahaaa...aaaah...laughing... eeh..haaa...aah...still laughing...I don't normally laugh alone, I always share the laughter with people around me....I implore you to always put smile on people's face, you know it's very essential.

thanks my dear brother, you know what, just tell those you want to share it to...that they should continue laughing through their nerve by bring out their teeth...just as I am doing......aaahahaaa...aaaah...laughing... eeh..haaa...aah...still laughing...I don't normally laugh alone, I always share the laughter with people around me....I implore you to always put smile on people's face, you know it's very essential.

Comedy of errors :

A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send a mail to his wife. he accidentally typed d wrong email address, and without realizing he sent the mail to a widow who has just returned from her husband's funeral. The widow decided to check her mail, expecting condolence messages from relatives and friends. After reading d first message she fainted. The son rushed into d room, found his mother on the floor and saw d computer screen which read:
'to my loving wife, i knw u are surprised to hear from me, they hv computers here and we are allowed to send mails to loved ones. I 've just been checked in. How are u and d kids, d place is realy nice but am lonely here. I hv made necessary arrangement 4 ur arrival 2morrow. Expecting u darling. I can't wait to see u.

Don't laugh alone pass it on.

A man who was tired of life decided to commit
suicide under a mango tree. The son quickly ran
to him and said Dad I just won 100million dollars,
I promise you that your funeral would be a big
celebration. The dad said to him fool, untie me
quickly and lets go and celebrate my
resurrection...lol

Sorry dude.....but i'm failing to find any humour here

Two factory workers are talking. The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off." The man replies, "And how would you do that?" The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside down from the ceiling. The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?" The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb." The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off." The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?" The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."



A teacher wanted to teach her students about self-esteem, so she asked anyone who thought they were stupid to stand up. One kid stood up and the teacher was surprised. She didn'��t think anyone would stand up so she asked him, "Why did you stand up?" He answered, "��I didn'��t want to leave you standing up by yourself."


It was Christmas Eve. A woman came home to her husband after a day of busy shopping. Later on that night when she was getting undressed for bed, he noticed a mark on the inside of her leg. "What is that?" he asked. She said, "I visited the tattoo parlor today. On the inside of one leg I had them tattoo 'Merry Christmas,' and on the inside of the other one they tattooed 'Happy New Year.'" Perplexed, he asked, "Why did you do that?" "Well," she replied, "now you can't complain that there's never anything to eat between Christmas and New Years!"


A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking." Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!"

001. Ninety-nine percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

002. Borrow money from a pessimist -- they don't expect it back.

003. Time is what keeps things from happening all at once.

004. Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

005. I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

006. Never answer an anonymous letter.

007. It's lonely at the top; but you do eat better.

008. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

009. Always go to other people's funerals, or they won't go to yours.

010. Few women admit their age; few men act it.

011. If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made with meat?

012. No one is listening until you make a mistake.

013. Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

014. We have enough youth. How about a fountain of "Smart"?

015. He who laughs last thinks slowest.

016. Campers: Nature's way of feeding mosquitoes.

017. Always remember that you are unique; just like everyone else.

018. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

019. There are three kinds of people: Those who can count and those who can't.

020. Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?

021. Nuke the Whales.

022. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it.

023. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

024. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

025. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

026. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

027. Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.

028. Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.

029. The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach
it.

030. You can't have everything; where would you put it?

031. I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

032. Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?

033. We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.

034. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

035. Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.

036. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

037. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.

038. Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway.

039. My mind is like a steel trap, rusty and illegal in 37 states.

040. Nothing is fool proof to a sufficiently talented fool.

041. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

042. I've only been wrong once, and that's when I thought I was wrong.

043. God made mankind. Sin made him evil.

044. I don't find it hard to meet expenses. They're everywhere.

045. I just let my mind wander, and it didn't come back.

046. Don't steal. The government hates competition.

047. Humpty-Dumpty was pushed.

048. National Atheist's Day April 1st.

049. All generalizations are false.

050. The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.

051. Work is for people who don't know how to fish.

052. If you don't like the news, go out and make some.

053. For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.

054. IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you have got.

055. I'm out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?

056. I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure.

057. I can handle pain until it hurts.

058. No matter where you go, you're there.

059. If everything is coming your way, then you're in the wrong lane.

060. It's been Monday all week.

061. Gravity always gets me down.

062. This statement is false.

063. Eschew obfuscation.

064. They told me I was gullible...and I believed them.

065. It's bad luck to be superstitious.

066. According to my best recollection, I don't remember.

067. The word "gullible" isn't in the dictionary.

068. Honk if you like peace and quiet.

069. The Big Bang Theory: God Spoke and BANG! it happened.

070. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

071. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?

072. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.

073. A day without sunshine is like, night.

074. The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

075. Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!

076. Gravity: It's not just a good idea, it's the LAW!

077. Life is too complicated in the morning.

078. We are all part of the ultimate statistic -- ten out of ten die.

079. Nobody's perfect. I'm a nobody.

080. Ask me about my vow of silence.

081. The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the
bread.

082. The last thing on earth you want to do will be the last thing you do.

083. Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else get your way.

084. If ignorance is bliss, then tourists are in a constant state of euphoria.

085. If at first you don't succeed, don't try skydiving.

086. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

087. Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them!

088. I intend to live forever. So far so good.

089. Who is "General Failure" and why is he reading my hard disk?

090. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

091. I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

092. Energizer Bunny arrested; charged with battery.

093. I didn't use to finish sentences, but now I

094. I've had amnesia as long as I can remember.

095. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

096. Vacation begins when Dad says, "I know a short cut."

097. Evolution: True science fiction.

098. What's another word for "thesaurus"?

099. Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.

100. A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

101. I went to the fights, and a hockey game broke out.

I'm going to use #93 on a few topics here, just to keep 'em guessing.

I think #47 is a conspiracy theory.

I was confused by #63...

#80 is all mine.

#55 is upside down

I'll claim #78.