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Topic: To the guys out there, I need your help...
hrdawson's photo
Mon 10/08/07 10:40 AM
If you could be so kind as to tell me what this means, I would greatly appreciate it...

There's this friend whom I have that has told me that he thinks I'm perfect (i.e., the whole package and everything) yet we're only friends and he's constantly reminding me of that, but he has also said that he loves hanging out with me and he feels there's a connection with me and we'll see where it puts us in the future. What does that mean?

If I'm supposedly so perfect and the whole package to him, why hasn't he asked me out yet and why is he reminding that we're only friends?

Oh, and to add a little twist on it, I sleep over at his house all the time (although we don't have sex because I don't believe in pre-marital sex), but the things we do aren't things that "friends" typically do. And because of the "no pre-marital sex" thing, he says he doesn't want to corrupt me and I guess I can understand why that would be a reason he wouldn't go out with me.

But he also encourages me to pursue other relationships with other guys, but then talks about "our" plans together? Am I missing something? Should I just enjoy this relationship for what it is and see if it goes anywhere or what? I guess I just don't get it? I'm perfect, yet not good enough. What's up with that?

1moresleeplessyouth's photo
Mon 10/08/07 10:52 AM
I'm not a guy, I know but I had one of those once. He called me his other half and when it came to talking about the future he'd always say that we were meant to be together and in the future we'd get married. Then we tried dating, it lasted maybe three weeks, I could be over estimating - he declared that we had no chemistry. We don't speak anymore.

I suppose that you should be thankful for what you have and just keep it as a friendship. He may think you're perfect but not be able to handle perfect. Maybe he believes that you are the perfect friend who just happens to be physically attractive. If he's asking you to persue other relationships, I wouldn't read to much into his compliment.

no photo
Mon 10/08/07 10:56 AM
maybe its because he wants to have sex but isnt ready for marriage commitment is a hard thing for some of us guys but i feel the best way to get to the bottom of this is to ask him in pretty much the same way youve asked hear ..maybe you dont because youre afraid of the answer well just put it out there maybe youre afraid that it might ruin what you have going with him already one can only speculate but if you really want to know ask him ...communication is the onlyway to get answers and it helps in a long relationship i hope it works out

SomebodyinChico's photo
Mon 10/08/07 10:56 AM
Ok, I'm a guy. For starters, missy nobody's humanly perfect, but everyone is perfect for someone! Second, he wants to be more than friends. depending on how long you've known him, you should agree to that. He undoubtedly likes you, and have some good strong feeligns for you. And in a sense,Melissa (1moresleepless) might be right, too. But she has a different perspective.

w_tarvin's photo
Mon 10/08/07 10:56 AM
Let me break it down for you:

He likes you but at the same time he cares about you. And it is a shame but all guys good or bad in time want the same thing. I respect girls that say no before marrage but I don't think i could ever be with one. I look at it like getting a new car. You wouldn't sign the paper work until you took it for a test drive would you. That is what I think it is.

Robm248's photo
Mon 10/08/07 10:58 AM
As a guy... He likes you, but isn't sure he wants to spend forever with you. He doesn't want to push you away, but isn't sure he is ready for a relationship with you. Some guys this is a good thing with, and he really wants to make sure he does everything right with you (and might be a little afraid you would say no if he asked you out). For others, they are hoping that one day you will decide that sleep over turns to sex. I'd recommend you ask him for a date, and see if he's just been shy. Take a little initiative and let him know you like him!

arcadefan's photo
Mon 10/08/07 11:01 AM
your friend might be afraid to take it to the next level in a relationship.. something you may have to talk to him about..


TongueKISS's photo
Mon 10/08/07 11:04 AM
Well I think the sex thing may be an issue... I am not a man however have lots of male friends and had this situation before. For starters he thinks your cute, but he wants a sexual relationship that you are not willing to give him, so there is no point in him getting with you and breaking up because of the lack of sex... he is doing you favor by not pursuing anything more. In other words you would be perfect for him if you were willing to go that extra mile to be closer to him. So maybe dating another guy who is waiting for sex would be a better idea, i think that is the issue however you don't have to take my word for it.

bulllhauler's photo
Mon 10/08/07 03:14 PM
to Hrdawson.

sounds to me like he might have feelings for someone that has hurt him and can't quite get over this other person. But yet he is trying to keep you hanging on, and not wanting to make a comittment to you. People in this state are very hard to deal with cause they move at their own pace and any sudden shove from another person might prove disasterous for the relationship. On the other hand it might be just what it needs,so that you can move on and find someone that is down to earth and ready for a relationship. I can speak from the heart cause I thought I was ready for a relationship and moved too fast after the loss of my wife, and then I moved away from the person I was having a relationship with. Good luck .

singingmyheartout's photo
Mon 10/08/07 07:32 PM
My best friend, going on 11 years, was the only "love at first sight" I ever had. I saw him one day and knew I had to get to know him. We ended up going on a few dates our senior year... but I was a nerdy type and he was a jock and lots of his friends and teammates were giving him ****. I didn't agree, but I understood... and in true nerd fashion, I pined over this guy for at least another year and refused to date anyone else.
We've talked about it. We have remained close friends. He's kept every letter, card and invitation (to my kids' events and even a wedding invite) for TEN YEARS. I still think the worked of him, as he does me... he does not have a romantic bone in his body. HE'd rather be single and play the field instead of tied down to only one girl. We even got to the point of almost having sex- twice, and the incidents were years apart... but at the last minute, neither of us could take that step. He knows he would hurt me if we dated... and I, after SEVERAL years, have realized he is not meant for me. So you can be perfectly compatible, love each other and really share a connection, but be missing the flame, the passion that any relationship beyond friendship should have. To this day, my friend and I are still inseparable. He's like family to me.

If it is meant to be, it will be. You're young. Give it time. Some guys my age are still trying to find their place in the world... so at 19... maybe he really wants to be with you, but he isn't sure he is ready for such a big responsibility. Afterall... you aren't just a girl to him, you are his ideal.

Good luck, sweetie.

singingmyheartout's photo
Mon 10/08/07 07:32 PM
My best friend, going on 11 years, was the only "love at first sight" I ever had. I saw him one day and knew I had to get to know him. We ended up going on a few dates our senior year... but I was a nerdy type and he was a jock and lots of his friends and teammates were giving him ****. I didn't agree, but I understood... and in true nerd fashion, I pined over this guy for at least another year and refused to date anyone else.
We've talked about it. We have remained close friends. He's kept every letter, card and invitation (to my kids' events and even a wedding invite) for TEN YEARS. I still think the worked of him, as he does me... he does not have a romantic bone in his body. HE'd rather be single and play the field instead of tied down to only one girl. We even got to the point of almost having sex- twice, and the incidents were years apart... but at the last minute, neither of us could take that step. He knows he would hurt me if we dated... and I, after SEVERAL years, have realized he is not meant for me. So you can be perfectly compatible, love each other and really share a connection, but be missing the flame, the passion that any relationship beyond friendship should have. To this day, my friend and I are still inseparable. He's like family to me.

If it is meant to be, it will be. You're young. Give it time. Some guys my age are still trying to find their place in the world... so at 19... maybe he really wants to be with you, but he isn't sure he is ready for such a big responsibility. Afterall... you aren't just a girl to him, you are his ideal.

Good luck, sweetie.

TheLonelyWalker's photo
Mon 10/08/07 07:47 PM
i would say that you have to give him the chance of the doubt, he might be just shy, if you feel similar don't let it go.
I know this girl in my country, we were great friends since we were children, both of our families were long time friends.
i made the mistake of always seeing her as a sister.
but we always had some kind of weired chemestry which i never gave the chance to develop because i was shy. we flirted a little bit, we even said that if we did not get married til we were 30, we were going to get married just out of tireness (we were joking, but i contemplate the possibility)
well she got married with a very nice guy.
after she got married we were talking and she told me that if i would have asked her for a date, she would have said yes because she liked me while she was single.
i told myself you miguel are such a s s h o l e.
BTW greetings from orlando area.

Jtevans's photo
Mon 10/08/07 07:48 PM
how long have you 2 been friends?i know if you are really close friends,it will feel very strange and uncomfortable if you 2 try to date.my mom tried to date a guy that was eally close to her and they both said it felt like they were dating their siblings and just felt too weird.

just give it time and if it is meant to be more than friends,than it will be.if not,just keep looking

freeonthree's photo
Tue 10/09/07 04:42 PM
Just had to read the first paragraph to answer this.
It means he respects you, and feels that there may be a future for the two of you if you desire it as well. He sounds like a pretty level headed dude to me. The thing is, he's obviously taking it slowly so the two of you can get to know each other.
Beware of the dudes who try to get intimate too quickly, but give this guy a chance. It sounds to me like you really like the guy, so be patient with him. He respects you, and thats a wonderful place to start a relationship.

Roddimus's photo
Wed 10/10/07 01:11 AM
if he doesn't know how you feel he might just be playing it safe to avoid any deep wounds that might come from a serious relationship.

this part may sound horrible, but keep in mind i don't know the guy.
if he does know and you've expressed you want those plans also then he could be trying to manipulate you into "broadening your horizons." i.e. dating other guys that will corrupt you also.

on a positive note he may just respect you're moral decisions and want to give you space.

since i dont have the details i can only offer skepticism.


BlueskyJ's photo
Wed 10/10/07 06:37 AM
Really Simple....Someone tells me no premarital sex....I show them the post marital exit door....SEX is NOT a BAD thing....jeez, get over it!!!....you're using it like a weapon...."I could hear it now, "Dear, no sex until you take out the garbage."

Hope you enjoy your intimacy....ALONE

no photo
Wed 10/10/07 06:52 AM
If I'm supposedly so perfect and the whole package to him, why hasn't he asked me out yet and why is he reminding that we're only friends?

You can’t have everything your way, at-least he tried to respect your no pre-marital sex wishes. It is normal for people your age group to fool around or have pre-sex fun. Hormones kickin' in, so natural.

He is right too, since you limited your options of what relationship you want and no sex, maybe you should date around and find someone that thinks and feels like you too. it’s all good. Don’t blame your friend, he is figuring out things himself too.

If you really need some answers to your Q here just ask your friend.

HillFolk's photo
Wed 10/10/07 07:05 AM
Could be he is showing some maturity by retaining the friendship but giving you the same option his is willing to give himself of you both seeing other people.

oldsage's photo
Wed 10/10/07 07:05 AM
Ok, your rather young & have a lot of life yet to experience.
You guys don't date, but you sleep over & go beyond just friends playing around? What is that?
Your special enought to play with in private, but not good enough to go out with??
Quit sleeping at his place & see what happens.

He COULD be just waiting around for you to wear down, things get to hot & now you are having sex. Playing around not sex, just like a BJ isn't sex.

This whole situation sets off a lot of alarm bells in my mind.
But what do I know in 56 yrs?

kojack's photo
Wed 10/10/07 07:21 AM
He wants more than you are willing to give him.

He is teasing you when says friends only, but is afraid to make 1st move because doesn t want to lose you as a friend.

Take it slow and if you want more make the first move, BUT never compromise your morals.

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