The most important way to win an argument between two (or more) people in an intimate relationship, is to begin at the realization that winning is losing.

Not in some silly romantic way. In the purely practical way, that it's the RELATIONSHIP that has to be your goal at all times.

This is why sometimes holding your tongue is correct. Sometimes walking away to cool down is important. Sometimes staying through the heat while sacrificing your stomach lining to the tension, is necessary. Sometimes apologizing when it's you who are right, is the way to go.

Again, I recommend thinking of arguments and discussions with focus on the bigger picture. Not just the particulars of the immediate moment.

straw is cheaper

I believe there is always a peaceful resolution in any disagreement. It's how you deal with the existing problem and how you manage your anger. If there's a problem it should be discussed openly in a diplomatic way without raising of voices, but with calmness and patience. Proper communication, one has to TALK and the other LISTENS and UNDERSTAND each other. Nobody wins in an argument, both should meet halfway , compromise and come to a point of understanding. Admit when you are at fault and learn how to say sorry. Saying SORRY means a lot followed by a hug and a kiss would be more sweeter

If things are out of hand already and one is shouting, it would be better to cool down ,one has to go out for awhile, but don't just walk out on your partner without a word. Let her or him know you will take a walk to think. When you return and both of you calmed down already , talk about the problem again this time with a low voice. Never let the day pass without talking about the problem and giving it a resolution because it would just create a gap between you with unresolved issues still hanging. End the disagreement with a comforting hug and kiss......"make up and kiss" that really works

A certain someone owes me an apology for the way he mistreated me. You are absolutely right. I had to walk away because I got fed up with his callous and insensitive attitude. He should have approached me if he cares so much about my feelings and apologized for hurting me. He knows the reason why I walked away. People should not make the same mistake. It is painful. As for the hug and the kiss, yes, it would be sweeter.

I'm sorry you are in a lot of pain. you will stay in that pain as long as you don't accept responsilbilty for your part of failed relationship. there is action n reaction. takes both to respond correctly to a situation if relationship will grow or die.

Ooh, I'm so sorry about that, I hope the guy would realize his mistakes.

There's nothing wrong with admitting one's mistake and apologize. One has to know how to humble down to make a harmonious relationship. If you really love each other then you must be willing to make a compromise. Forgive and forget.....make love not war

Thanks for your concern but I am too fed up to continue. If he doesn't want to meet me halfway or show any concern for my feelings, I am done with it all.

I agree with you, as the saying goes....it takes two to tango. Both are responsible in the success or failure of a relationship.

I'm sure it will come out at some point, that my ex is bi-polar as well. Didn't take much to set her off, and every fight we ever had in the past was brought up in the current argument. I'm a very laid back guy and it takes a lot to get me mad, but if I do get to the red zone it isn't pretty. And that's what was the final straw. One last argument, push me to the breaking point and I was done being married to her. She had two weeks to pack her stuff, move out and I saw the attorney the week after she moved out. She kept telling me she loved me, but you don't treat someone you love like that.

You can't be rational with someone dealing with depression and a narcissistic mentality.

bi-polar, narcissism and depression??? man that is a whole lot going on there..not many get diagnosed with all three

I would like to find out what issues my ex is dealing with mentally. Like I've mentioned in other post, she drove a wedge between me and my family/friends. Wanted me to make sure she was on all my assets, which most I had prior to knowing her. Couldn't get out of bed to walk down the hall to her office to make phone calls for work. Couldn't get out of bed on the weekends. Fought with me, when I wanted to go do things with my friends, because I can't sit around a house days on ends. Then would interrupt my sleeping with phone calls and texting all night long, while in the same bed, when she knew I had to go to work the next day.

And what healthy young 40 year old, loses interest in sex? At least with me she did. I felt like I was walking on eggs around her, never knowing what I might say or do to set off another episode.

All I can say it is not my problem anymore. Thank the Lord for answering my prayers.

When you two first started dating were you aware of her Mental Health needs?

Well wright it all up to experience right :)

I should have seen the red signs, but I really wanted to be in love and love was blind in my case.

Aaaah! Fine topic!

I remember one that usually walked away, and i had to chase her down, grab her and force her to face me and my arguments.


One day i realized all she wanted was to enforce her shitty double standards on me, so i quit running after her entitled ***.
It�s been 6 Years, and she only came back once to say goodbye with Breakup sex.
Nope - door stayed shut.

So how do you end disagreements?
I still don�t know. I would think one takes time, analysis and reason, combines the three to find a solution, like a technician would. But maybe that�s not how it�s supposed to be.

wow you should have been arrested. she walked away u chased her u grabbed her and forced her to take more abuse. would you do that to a man??? in USA you committed a crime.

that sounds more like a power trip on her part than trying to settle a disagreement.
I take time outs and I am honest about them I am upfront
and say..
I need some time to thing about how I want to respond.\
give me 10 OKAY...
now if you don't give me the 10 I asked for well
could be a bit of a problem..lol

Isn't that physical abuse or harassment? You can't force somebody to face your arguments. If she wanted to walk out, you should have just let her go and never use force. Question is, why did she walk out on you? She was trying to get away from what? Just wondering, have you asked yourself why she did it? Were you already aware of her mental or psychological illness before? What factors caused her to behave that way? What did you do to help her? Did you ever seek professional or medical advice? If you knew about her illness, wouldn't it be right that you should have shown concern, care , love and understanding? People with illness like this need more understanding and proper medical ir psychological treatment because the cause might be deep rooted. Fighting with her would definitely bring more disaster in your relationship and improper handling of her behaviour will aggravate her mental state . Yes I agree, you should have taken time to think, analyze the situation with logical reasoning in order to find solution to your problem. But it seemed in your situation , you have overlooked important matters that should have been addressed well beforehand , mental illness is hard to manage it affects her behaviors toward you. If both of you were concerned of each other, I believe marriage counseling could have helped you. Seeking professional advice would have been a good step to save your failing relationship. In any relationship, we cannot blame one alone, it takes two to tango, it takes one's action to react. Behavioral responses are based on many reasons could be influenced by family, environment, emotional arousal, attitudes of an individual towards the other. I just thought that maybe if you have given attention to every individual's deficiency and dealt with it properly, your relationship would have been better.

I am a peace and calm minded person, so if/when I feel the heat rising, I simply stop talking and walk away... the "cooler heads prevail" idea...
Nothing is worth screaming about unless a life is in immediate danger.
No matter what needs to be said, all of it can be said in a tone of normal conversation. I've lived in a few major cities, and have seen first hand, exactly how ghetto trashy it is to see a couple publicly screaming at each other.. at gas stations, middle of a wal mart, and the list goes on...Sorry, but it is what it is.
It is copy cat acting, of the dramatic bs in so many tv shows these days, I mean, seriously? Take your problems home, or anywhere away from making a scene for anyone to see, as if we live in a live, "Days Of Our Lives" episode????
I will NOT be with anyone for long if the person is interested in ghetto trashy drama blah blah .
I talk in talking tone.
Talk to me in a talking tone, about anything at all, bothering you, about anything I do... but do it AT HOME.
Respect, like relationships, is a 2 way street, IF you are not interested in self related gain to much to see you're no better or worse than the person you are in a relationship with.
It is my current opinion, friendship is required, in a relationship, if the relationship is based on finding a lifetime companion.


CMA STATEMENT;-)
The content of these statements are made simply of my own opinion, and not approved by the FDA.
These methods and statements, have not been not scientifically tested or evaluated.

With that said, I do not know if this has been of any help to you.