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Topic: "Love" and intimacy across cultures
chronicliar75's photo
Mon 10/05/15 01:14 AM
Edited by chronicliar75 on Mon 10/05/15 01:16 AM
quote]

"In an intercultural dating situation (2 people with different cultural or national backgrounds), at what point can you state you are a couple (boyfriend/girlfriend)? What are the markers? "


You will be a couple after:

1. You both have acknowledge to a body/ group that you
like and want to date each other. Example Mingle Forum

Why?
No room for deceit.
What is said in the instant message should
match what is said in the forum.

To make sure you are exclusive and
serious in dating each other.

2. You video talk and check each other if what is
one is declaring is true or not.

why?
Before you fall in love with the person
at least check him/ her if what he/she declared
online is true.Healthier & Safer for both parties.

3. You have decided both to never involve money in
your online dating relationship.

Why?
No room for scamming.
No room for Host & parasite issue
No room for being taken for granted.
So the respect and sincerity is always intact while getting
to know each other and see if the relationship is
worth it.
To make sure if u really can love him/ her no matter
what he/she have or does not have.



Various cultures have their own norms, but in a cross cultural situation do you follow your norms? Are you sensitive to your partner's cultural norms and adjust? What do you do?


If you love him/her I think sensitivity & adjustment is always important, even if you are
in the same country, culture or not.

But what I cant understand is why the need to let the person
u love go through all the
adjustments? It contradicts with acceptance.

Why would I follow your customs & traditions?
When I do not believe in them?
I love you.I only believe in you not your country, not your culture.
Do I have to please everyone to gain your approval?
You know I have always been like this from the very start?
why start demanding about your customs, religion, country or culture
now that we are a couple? What happen to acceptance?

While we all want to please the one we love.
We could never please everyone, who have
different customs, traditions, culture & lifestyle.

Respect to what he believes & his culture.
Yes.Very important in fact. But-
My responsibility for adjustments & sensitivity is
to the one I choose to love & immediate love ones.
Not to his/her culture. Not to his/her country.

Just my take. It might be different with other Minglers.

no photo
Mon 10/05/15 05:26 AM
hello

no photo
Mon 10/05/15 05:44 PM
Thanks again for all the comments, anecdotes, and suggestions. If possible I would like to focus comments on the exact moment (in so much as possible) that you feel you have made a committed monogamous relationship. Again some good comments have confirmed what I suspect. I would appreciate more!!!

Ladywind7's photo
Mon 10/05/15 09:09 PM
Why?

2469nascar's photo
Mon 10/05/15 09:25 PM

Why?
LOL,,LDR dont work 99% of the time,,,doesnt hert to try,,well unless you get hert bcuz trying,,,

Frankk1950's photo
Mon 10/05/15 09:27 PM
Edited by Frankk1950 on Mon 10/05/15 09:32 PM

Thanks again for all the comments, anecdotes, and suggestions. If possible I would like to focus comments on the exact moment (in so much as possible) that you feel you have made a committed monogamous relationship. Again some good comments have confirmed what I suspect. I would appreciate more!!!

So the comments that confirmed what you suspected were good.And the ones that contradicted what you suspected were ???
I suspect your research is very suspect.

Ladywind7's photo
Mon 10/05/15 09:28 PM


Why?
LOL,,LDR dont work 99% of the time,,,doesnt hert to try,,well unless you get hert bcuz trying,,,


I agree. I will wait maximum 6 months to meet and then give up trying.

2469nascar's photo
Mon 10/05/15 09:33 PM



Why?
LOL,,LDR dont work 99% of the time,,,doesnt hert to try,,well unless you get hert bcuz trying,,,


I agree. I will wait maximum 6 months to meet and then give up trying.
WOW 6 months? 90 days max, if we cant meet by then, chances are we are not going to ......

Ladywind7's photo
Mon 10/05/15 09:41 PM




Why?
LOL,,LDR dont work 99% of the time,,,doesnt hert to try,,well unless you get hert bcuz trying,,,


I agree. I will wait maximum 6 months to meet and then give up trying.
WOW 6 months? 90 days max, if we cant meet by then, chances are we are not going to ......


Ha, ha. My man I met from England, we talked, skyped, wrote for 7 months before we meet, sent each other gifts etc. It was wonderful to bond like that first, we made a deep connection.
When we lay eyes on each other at the airport, we already knew each other, it was priceless.

dreamerana's photo
Mon 10/05/15 10:31 PM
Edited by dreamerana on Mon 10/05/15 11:13 PM


Thanks again for all the comments, anecdotes, and suggestions. If possible I would like to focus comments on the exact moment (in so much as possible) that you feel you have made a committed monogamous relationship. Again some good comments have confirmed what I suspect. I would appreciate more!!!

So the comments that confirmed what you suspected were good.And the ones that contradicted what you suspected were ???
I suspect your research is very suspect.


I winder just how you are putting all of this to use?

TawtStrat's photo
Tue 10/06/15 04:30 AM
I'm not even sure what the question is anymore. Anna raised a good point when she pointed out that your definition of "culture" is rather limited. When it's people from my own culture I generally only date down to earth girls that aren't posh or snooty. The sorts of girls that would have been in my social circle when I was growing up. You know? Girls that will give me the time of day and don't think that they're better than the likes of me.

You can maybe avoid class issues by dating a foreigner. They might like my Scottish accent and not be like the bloody English often are, with their derogatory stereotyping of us. They aren't instantly going to judge me on where I went to school either.

As far as the moment when you actually commit goes, I just wouldn't until we had got to know each other properly in the real world. No problem with a short term commitment. If we're having fun together and might think that it might be going somewhere I'll just see how it goes with her and she's my girlfriend for as long as that lasts. There's not really a formal declaration of commitment usually until you get married. You just decide that you're exclusive perhaps and then she maybe wants to meet your mother and so on. I had one girlfriend getting all weird on me when I suggested that she could meet my mother. Different culture. She was a tart from Glasgow. Never known an Edinburgh girl to be like that about it once she had decided to be my girlfriend.

no photo
Tue 10/06/15 04:53 AM

Hi all,

Currently embarking on a lengthy study of love and intimacy across cultures. In particular intercultural/interracial dating.

A question(s) I would like to pose to those interested is ...

"In an intercultural dating situation (2 people with different cultural or national backgrounds), at what point can you state you are a couple (boyfriend/girlfriend)? What are the markers? "

Various cultures have their own norms, but in a cross cultural situation do you follow your norms? Are you sensitive to your partner's cultural norms and adjust? What do you do?

Thanks for any preliminary feedback!happy


Dude i'm a G. In this culture the norm is simple, you make it clear she's yo biitch & aint no niiga ever be fucckin with yo woman...or else happy

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