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| Topic: Trepidation From The Age Difference Factor | |
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I have met some beautiful and heartwarming women on Mingle2 that are in their 30s.
Now, I know I have the stamina to keep up with someone 20 years younger but is the cultural generation gap too large to have a meaningful relationship? At 34, I was 20 years old when they were born. By the time they graduated high school I had a family of 6, my career was in full swing and I had already served my country and been to other countries. Now I know the addage that age doesn't matter when love is concerned. But that is just NOT TRUE. When she turns 50 I will be 70. She will be healthy and I will be old and frail or sick or even dead already. How can that be justified by love? I remember the days before microwave ovens and cell phones. I played outside not in the living room. Sure, we can share our different views and perhaps broaden our horizons thru each other but the cold fact remains that she will be left alone by me from no intention on my part. I've read the various topics that address this and none have quenched my thirst for knowledge. Most just side-step the issue. Looking for some insight. Has anyone entered into an actual relationship with someone 20 years younger or is it all just a guess? |
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Well, I was in a relationship with someone 19 years older than me. I cared about him more than he cared about me. I don't think age was the problem, at least not for me. I think he just liked his life as it was and didn't want to change anything. I guess this doesn't help you much.
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Thanx for responding.
That can be a factor but I am not so set in my ways. I'm one to try new things...that work. Was there many conflicts in how the two of you viewed things? Most of the time with age comes experience and experience gives wisdom. Were there many times where you wanted to do something and he wouldn't because he knew better about the probable outcome? Did that cause conflict for either of you? Did he act like a stick in the mud? |
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I thought that things were great. We always had things to talk about and I never really thought about that he was that much older, and he didn't talk down to me or anything like that. We had a great time in bed. We didn't talk much about the past or the future, and maybe that was a problem. He was always open to anything.
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My late husband was 13 years older than me. His whole family shunned him when we got together, they said the same as you did, when he is old and sick I will be healthy and they tried to convince him I would not stay with him, that I would leave as soon as he got ill. We were together for 32 years, God took him home 12 days after our 32 anniversary. He had cancer and for the last two years of his life I worked and took care of him and the last week he was comatose, his wishes were to be home with his family and thats where he was. I sat by his bedside for the last two weeks he was alive and was holding his hand when he left this world. He was my world, I loved that man more than life itself and if I could have traded places with him I would have.
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I have met some beautiful and heartwarming women on Mingle2 that are in their 30s. Now, I know I have the stamina to keep up with someone 20 years younger but is the cultural generation gap too large to have a meaningful relationship? At 34, I was 20 years old when they were born. By the time they graduated high school I had a family of 6, my career was in full swing and I had already served my country and been to other countries. Now I know the adage that age doesn't matter when love is concerned. But that is just NOT TRUE. When she turns 50 I will be 70. She will be healthy and I will be old and frail or sick or even dead already. How can that be justified by love? I remember the days before microwave ovens and cell phones. I played outside not in the living room. Sure, we can share our different views and perhaps broaden our horizons thru each other but the cold fact remains that she will be left alone by me from no intention on my part. I've read the various topics that address this and none have quenched my thirst for knowledge. Most just side-step the issue. Looking for some insight. Has anyone entered into an actual relationship with someone 20 years younger or is it all just a guess? In one sense of the word I think you are looking at it the wrong way. Real, true love is not an easy thing to get. Many people want it but never find it. If you find it, no matter the age, She is 30 and you are 50, you better grab it. You can't live your life on mights and maybes. You might die tomorrow. It may be next year. It may be 40 years from now. How do you know for sure that when she turns 50 she will be in good health? How do you know that you will be frail and sick when you hit 70? No way you can know. Besides, Most of this can be controlled by you. Don't live your life on mights and maybe's Going by what you have said, you can broaden a woman's horizons with your knowledge of the world. Women, especially someone younger, likes that. You will be able to share your wisdom with her. And that's cool. When you really get right down to it, all that matters is that you love each other and that you are committed to each other through the long haul. One last thing to think about. Where is she in her mind? You never know when a woman has had enough of men her age. Some younger women tend to like an older man especially if she has already had enough kids. For the most part, when a man gets older he is more set in his ways. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad. But on the good. A lot of times he is more even-tempered than his younger counterpart. When a man gets our age he is able to see both sides of things better than his younger counterpart. He is less likely to get mad. As he has gotten older his thinking has changed. A lot of younger women like that. I could go on. I've been where you are. |
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Thank you. Very well-worded responses and I appreciate the effort.
The last thing I want to do to someone I love is cause them pain. My father was 9 years older than my mother. I was 8 years older than my X and it was difficult for me at the end thinking it was my age difference that caused her to do the things she did. When I got sick she turned. Shortly after it ended. I'm disabled and I will never get better. I'm losing muscle mass and appetite and slowly deteriorating. I'm a good person (well, everyone who knows me tells me so) and I want so much to see if true love really exists. It has eluded me for 54 years so far. I don't doubt that someone that truly loves me would be able to cope. Only that it will always be in my mind that I will be the old shoe in the relationship and her dedication to us will cause the one I love anguish. It would eat at me. I live my life trying to accept realities. The reality is that I have no idea how to woo a woman anymore. Sure, when I was younger and stronger and able to work I had plenty of p'tspaw but now, in reality I am just alone. I want a woman near to my age. I think it would be easier. 20 years younger and I have to deal with menopause and her realization of death as her friends and family slowly die. What can I promise except to be there but I know I won't be for long. Its not like I can wave a wand and be active and healthy for the next 20 years. In their 30s they are still in child bearing age. What if she were to become pregnate. Would it be fair to the child to have an old sick father? My dad was 49 when I was concieved. He never played ball or chased me around. Never took me fishing or hunting. He was sick from years of working at a steel mill. How can this be desired for anyone. I'm having great reservations over this issue. I don't want to lead her on but I don't want to let her go either. |
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Thank you. Very well-worded responses and I appreciate the effort. The last thing I want to do to someone I love is cause them pain. My father was 9 years older than my mother. I was 8 years older than my X and it was difficult for me at the end thinking it was my age difference that caused her to do the things she did. When I got sick she turned. Shortly after it ended. I'm disabled and I will never get better. I'm losing muscle mass and appetite and slowly deteriorating. I'm a good person (well, everyone who knows me tells me so) and I want so much to see if true love really exists. It has eluded me for 54 years so far. I don't doubt that someone that truly loves me would be able to cope. Only that it will always be in my mind that I will be the old shoe in the relationship and her dedication to us will cause the one I love anguish. It would eat at me. I live my life trying to accept realities. The reality is that I have no idea how to woo a woman anymore. Sure, when I was younger and stronger and able to work I had plenty of p'tspaw but now, in reality I am just alone. I want a woman near to my age. I think it would be easier. 20 years younger and I have to deal with menopause and her realization of death as her friends and family slowly die. What can I promise except to be there but I know I won't be for long. Its not like I can wave a wand and be active and healthy for the next 20 years. In their 30s they are still in child bearing age. What if she were to become pregnate. Would it be fair to the child to have an old sick father? My dad was 49 when I was concieved. He never played ball or chased me around. Never took me fishing or hunting. He was sick from years of working at a steel mill. How can this be desired for anyone. I'm having great reservations over this issue. I don't want to lead her on but I don't want to let her go either. Follow your heart Tom. If she truly loves you, she is going to be there for you, by your side til the end. Maybe the two of you need to sit down and have a serious talk about this. Find out where her heart really is. Not all women want to be wooed and have all the extravagant things. Some of us just want someone to be there to love us. When my husband found out he had Cancer and was no chance he would survive, he sat me down and gave me the choice to stay or go. True love survives everything even death, however he did make me promise not to be alone the rest of my life and hold on to him. I still love him with all my heart, but I do believe someday I will find someone that will love me. As you I am not getting any younger, I have some health issues but am still able to work daily, My only draw back is I neglected myself taking care of my husband and family to the point I lost all my teeth due to Diabetes. Now who wants a toothless women. They all run the other way, but someday my true love will come... Don't give up and talk to her, maybe you will be suprised how she really feels. |
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If she truly loves you Thats the issue. We just met and are in the 'getting to know each other' stage. Every relationship has to have a beginning. I have hinted at my concerns but she either doesn't get the hint or is unsure how to answer. We are exchanging 4-7 emails a day now. She already wants to meet but I fear it is too early for that. Perhaps I am just worried that something will happen. I really don't want to lead her on. I need to get a handle on my trepidation soon. Some of us just want someone to be there to love us. Don't we all? Its not a question of Love for me right now. I don't know if I love her or if she loves me yet. Still too early. Its a question of doing what is right by both of us. When my husband found out he had Cancer and was no chance he would survive I'm sorry for your loss. The difference is that you two loved each other and were married, probably with a family. That is a big difference. someday I will find someone that will love me Love is not found, it is grown. Growing love takes time. She is 'interested' in me and I in her. We could grow into love. THAT is what I am worried about. Is it fair for her and for me? Now who wants a toothless women. That goes with the stereotypical thinking reflecting beauty. If I was interested in you it would not be because of your teeth or lack of. It would be for your personality and state of 'being'. Don't give up and talk to her, maybe you will be suprised how she really feels. I am doing that now. She has trepidation as well. Scammers and insensitive, vulger and disgusting men have given her that trepidation. I am letting her pace the conversation. In my replies I do ask about the things I am concerned with. I am waiting for her to address those things on her own terms. Thank you for responding. |
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tom it really has more to do with the two people immediately involved than just the age gap. one simple example she couldn't have kids and truly didn't want them. so that part of it evaporated for us. i say go meet and get a better feel for each other.who knows you could find that reality is very different from text on a screen, or that lightning has struck and you have a good foundation to build from
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tom it really has more to do with the two people immediately involved than just the age gap. one simple example she couldn't have kids and truly didn't want them. so that part of it evaporated for us. i say go meet and get a better feel for each other.who knows you could find that reality is very different from text on a screen, or that lightning has struck and you have a good foundation to build from Very positive thinking ~ Thank You |
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