how we feel is often linked at least indirectly to the actions of those whom we are involved with in some way

be it family, friends or a lover

to say
" do not let someone else dictate to you how you feel"
is rather simplistic

as in any relationship there are responsibilities that come with it
but it is also about need fulfillment for each one involved
oh things like the need to feel needed
loved, supported, wanted, the need to feel respected, appreciated..


really depends on the two involved on whether or not they can work this out so that both are getting their needs met and wish to maintain the relationship

Most of replies thats its cheating or unjustice with the wife and kids..

As much i know about life .. We all hv always two or more option about relation... Either we hold in same sitution and second option is to move on.

I know in a merried life.. If one is not happy that means both are noth happy... But we all know that every person have own personality and nature... For one partner its necessary not move on because after breakup he/she will need support love and care in short need accurs for stable life... But what if the other partner need to move on? Is there only love enough to stay together ? Sometimes people have to stay together because they hv no better option... A lady if decide to get divorce that means she feels that divorce is only one option but what happen whn she know after divorce she will gonna get more strugle nd hv to face lots of unwanted sitution... In that situation she accept that divorce is not working idea.. And she decide to give freedom to her compenion for live his life as he want.. With condition that in return he have to survive her and not think about divorse...

Now if this kind mutule deal hanppens than ????

Most of replies thats its cheating or unjustice with the wife and kids..

As much i know about life .. We all hv always two or more option about relation... Either we hold in same sitution and second option is to move on.

I know in a merried life.. If one is not happy that means both are noth happy... But we all know that every person have own personality and nature... For one partner its necessary not move on because after breakup he/she will need support love and care in short need accurs for stable life... But what if the other partner need to move on? Is there only love enough to stay together ? Sometimes people have to stay together because they hv no better option... A lady if decide to get divorce that means she feels that divorce is only one option but what happen whn she know after divorce she will gonna get more strugle nd hv to face lots of unwanted sitution... In that situation she accept that divorce is not working idea.. And she decide to give freedom to her compenion for live his life as he want.. With condition that in return he have to survive her and not think about divorse...

Now if this kind mutule deal hanppens than ????

She not want divirce.. She saying we hv to live life as just adjusment .. She nd me both not wanted to hurt eachother...

She not want divirce.. She saying we hv to live life as just adjusment .. She nd me both not wanted to hurt eachother...

crezyhours quote,

Sometimes people have to stay together because they hv no better option... A lady if decide to get divorce that means she feels that divorce is only one option but what happen whn she know after divorce she will gonna get more strugle nd hv to face lots of unwanted sitution... In that situation she accept that divorce is not working idea.. And she decide to give freedom to her compenion for live his life as he want.. With condition that in return he have to survive her and not think about divorse...

Now if this kind mutule deal hanppens than ????
-------------------

You are talking about what we call a
" marriage of convenience " ?

It doesn't happen that often in my country anymore, but it use to happen a lot. And yes, it usually is the woman who has no choice but to stay. And there can be many reasons, usually money & disgrace.

I know in your country divorce is rare. And women very rarely marry again, even if she is widowed. I believe they are in disgrace by culture? And usually ends up very poor & even homeless ?
I wish I could tell you how to live in a 'marriage of convenience', but I can't.
But believe me, I do empathize with you, because I couldn't do it, but I did certainly try. Until I just could not try anymore.


You may need to make another thread- if people begin to response to only the FIRST post of yours.

U r absolutely right mam.

Thanks to all...

you are in big soup dude! sit back think if your relationship is worth it give it a shot or mutually part ways.. I know it's easier said than done but don't spoil your and life of others who are connected to you.

Hmmm...so you want to find second option (not another)!!

From what you described,though you didn't clearly specify; I'm sure that it's you & not she who is not happy...right?

It also seems that you have some kids...are you not happy with them too?

If not at all happy,do you think you will ever be happy with SECOND OPTION...??

Do you really think you will be moving on in that way?.....I mean instead of one (ALMOST BURDEN FOR YOU) will you be able to manage BOTH relations??

It's long way to go dude...!!

Life is certainly not so easy if you try to bend it as & when you wish....!!

We have to pay price sooner or latter for the choices we make in life.

It's not that I'm expecting you to make sacrifices,but it's true that the Happiness is achievable only after having PEACE OF MIND along with SATISFACTION.

It seems that your spouse is very much comprehensive in nature & is loving, respecting you....that's why she has agreed to let you find other companion (And obviously must be the outcome of your frequent gestures & expressions of not liking her)....I mean to say that if it's true then for sure you currently has the peace of mind already in place....now what's really needed for being happy is to have satisfaction.

Satisfaction is more about our own expectations....and expectations are something which wise men always keep in their own control.....Expectations if not kept in control,however wealthy one may be,however beautiful,handsome,educated one may be...he/she will frequently be unhappy with even smallest failures in life and at almost every stage of life.....!!

So try to be satisfied with what you have & as your spouse is seemingly wise enough to offer you peace of mind....so definitely Happiness is yours dude....I don't think you need to beg for & search it anywhere else than in your own family.

Dude,it's also very untrue that you haven't hurt her or not wanted to hurt her.

Just imagine yourself in her place; should you be socially in position of not living divorcee life & you always been devoted to your companion in married life for not facing such situation & still your companion asking for divorce ....will you be allowing him / her live life in his own way with other companion without getting hurt??

Dude...certainly the poor lady is hurt from within....be her husband man...she needs you & if she can sacrifice her unique wife's position for your happiness then she can certainly do anything for you....teach her if she is uneducated, beautify her with surgery if she isn't good looking.
bocz,for sure she is very beautiful at heart.

All that glitters is not gold....!! now you being discussing your problem in public forum...I will also like to give you a friendly advice for your own safety.Many scammers are around on almost every dating site who can blackmail & loot you by trapping you emotionally...just take care.

I wish you both all the best.

U are 31.
U said yes to the arrange marriage.
U made your vows to your God &
to your wife.
U have kids.
U are unhappy.
U want extra marital affair
to find happiness.
Your wife, even said its okay,
because she is aware that
she does not make u happy.
She even said u both can make
adjustments, just no divorce.

I would even go as far as assume
u & your wife actually give your
best shot on the marriage but still
end up both unhappy for u to post
such OP.

U feel u & your wife are caged right?
Both agreeing to be miserable & unhappy,
that u feel the need for an extra marital
affair, hoping it will assuage
& make u forget, how miserable your
situation is, after all your
wife said its okay.

why?
Because it is much better to be
both miserable & unhappy than
to face other people's opinion
of your decisions?
if in case u decided
that it is high time for u & your
wife to actually taste happiness,
feel being loved, appreciated &
validated by people who can love u
both for who u are?

why?
Because it is much better to be
miserable & unhappy than to face
your wife and say to her,
we will be happier if u & I
will be both free to find
someone who can actually
make us happy?

why?
Because it is much better to be
miserable & unhappy than to
disappoint your wife by
asking a divorce?
As if u have not disappointed
her enough, right?

why?
Because it is much better to be
miserable & unhappy than to be
branded a broken family?

why?
Because it is much better to be
miserable & unhappy than to
disappoint your parents &
go against your culture?

why?
Because it is much better to be
miserable & unhappy than to
be actually a real man,
by taking charge of your own life,
instead of being a puppet to the
dictates of the society?

Life is short.
If u feel u can only be the man
that u are now, caged, unhappy &
miserable, for the next 25 years or more.

because u do not have
what it takes to be a man:

who can make his wife happier
who can make his children
healthier & happier by being
happy himself.

and having extra marital affair
is just good enough.

Please go on with your life
Sir.All the best.

Just in case, u have it in u
to actually be a man
to find his happiness for him
& his family,
Go counseling with your wife
and take it from there.

If it means letting go
of each other & facing the
responsibilities of your decisions,
ask yourself if u can be a man,
to take up the task.

If not, just be miserable & unhappy
for the next 30 years,
U have already survived
it anyway for several years.

Convince yourself more that
having an extra marital affair
is the best way for u,
your wife & your children
to be happy,
for the next 30 years.

At the end of the day Sir,
no matter what we all say here
in the board, it will always be
up to u:

to be the kind of man that u are.
to be the kind of man u want to be.
to be the kind of father u want to
be to your children.

Thanks.. For all this wonderful wards...