1. I always wanted To have someone to hold, Someone to love. After meeting you...
(inside card)
I changed my mind.

2. I must admit, You brought religion into my life...
(inside card)
I never believed in Hell until I met you.

3. As the days go by I think how lucky I am...
(inside card)
That you're not here to ruin it for me.

4. Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go...
(inside card)
Will you take the knife from my back? You'll probably need it again.

5. Someday I hope to marry...
(inside card)
Someone other than you.

6. Happy birthday! You look great for your age...
(inside card)
Almost lifelike!

7. When we were together, You said you'd die for me...
(inside card)
Now we've broken up, I think it's time to keep your promise.

8. We've been friends for a very long time...
(inside card)
What do you say we stop?

9. I'm so miserable without you...
(inside card)
It's almost like you're still here.

10. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy...
(inside card)
Did you ever find out who the father was?

11. You are such a good friend
If we were on a sinking ship
And there was only one life jacket...
(inside card)
I'd miss you terribly
And think of you often.

12. Your friends and I wanted to do something really special for your birthday...
(inside card)
So we're having you put to sleep.

13. Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!
(Available only in Alabama, Mississippi, and West Virginia)

14. Looking back over the years we've been together,
I can't help but wonder...
(inside card)
What was I thinking?


Don't shoot the messenger LOL

Very funny!!

Those are awful!

those are funny

Very Funny!

They could probably stop making all those barfy cards if they made these! They wouldn't be able to keep them in stock!

Laugh out loud funny!!!!
#11 actually made it as a real card though. Not a hallmark - but I've given that one to a friend before.

Loved those

Love them...

you Are Like the Ice Cream of my life.
(inside card)
Frigid...
But when you warm up you are easy to spread.

LMAO

LOL Match!!

More:

OUTSIDE: If I get only one thing for Christmas . . .
INSIDE: I hope it's your sister.

OUTSIDE: For every year that goes by, Mother . . .
INSIDE: I just think of that inheritance getting closer and closer.

OUTSIDE: I always wanted to be rich, powerful, and well respected.
INSIDE: And while I'm dreaming, I wish you weren't so damn ugly.

OUTSIDE: Sex with you is like using drugs:
INSIDE: lots of people do it, but nobody's stupid enough to admit it.

OUTSIDE: The holidays are a great time to be with family.
INSIDE: Of course, your family won't be with you, since I'm taking the kids and moving in with my sister, you cheating arsehole.

OUTSIDE: If you ever need a friend...
INSIDE: buy a dog.





-Happy Vasectomy! Hope you feel zippy! 'Cause when I got one... I got real snippy.

-I heard you had herpes...and I feel terrible...I'd say "Get well soon"...but I know it's incurable.

-My tire was thumping....I thought it was flat....when I looked at the tire....I found your cat... Sorry!

-You had your bladder removed and you're on the mends.... here's a bouquet of flowers and a box of Depends.

-You've announced that you're gay, and won't that be a laugh, when they find out you're one... of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.

-So your daughter's a hooker, and it spoiled your day... look at the bright side, she's a really good lay.

-Heard your wife left you... How upset you must be... Don't fret about your wife though... She's moving in with me.

-Your computer is dead... and it was so alive... you shouldn't have installed... Win'95.

-You totaled your car... and can't remember why... maybe it was... that case of Bud Dry

-So you lost your job... It's one of those hardships in life... Next time, work harder... and stay away from the boss's wife.

they need to sell #13 in Illinois, my ex's brother was his cousin... his step mom was married to his uncle first, then after they divorced, she married back into the family, just with a different brother.

It took me a long time (not wanting to ask) to figure out why his little brother called his dad Uncle ***.

Too funny!

Andrea OMG!! LOL

Couple More:

"Congratulations on your wedding day!
Too bad no one likes your wife."



"How could two people as beautiful as you have such an ugly baby?"