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| Topic: Daffodils for my dad | |
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Thank you, Peggy, and thank you for sharing your story!  I don't think I've felt anger. Numb, yes, it was quite a shock, he passed away completely out of the blue. Sorrow too. And tears of course. Thing is, I've been listening to Abraham Hicks for months on end, and he keeps saying that we all fear 'croaking' (dying) so much, yet if we'd know how beautiful it is to become whole again (one with your entire being/soul), we'd all want to 'croak' today! Now I wasn't listening to Abraham Hicks (channeled via Esther Hicks) to hear about 'croaking', but all kinds of subjects are addressed so you just come across it. But I really do believe he's right. I've seen my dad, he looked so at peace! Seeing him that way, filled me with peace too, and gave me instant acceptance. It is okay. He's okay. He's at peace. Seeing him that way has helped me a lot. Because of that, I managed to do my speech at his service. My entire body was trembling, my hands were shaking, tears in my eyes. But my voice was steady, loud and clear. It filled me with great joy that I was able to do that for my dad. What remains is, that in spite of my acceptance and knowing it's okay, I still have lost my dad in this life. And all the memories that come up, especially the first week. Unreal. Hundreds, thousands of memories. Mostly childhood memories. Waking up in the morning with songs from the service in my head. His fave songs. So it's like going back and forth between accepting, as in really accepting, and sorrow. Dang, gotta cry now. and you are at peace with his passing and you were able to get up and speak at his service... it is a natural with the loss of a parent that all the memories as far back as you can remember will come rushing thru that head of yours let em come my friend for they are there to comfort you to remind you..that even though your Daddy is gone from this physical plane of existence...you are the keeper of his memories and what a precious thing that really and truly is take care of you realize that this is a process and it takes a good long time to work your way thru it and you are exactly where you need to be in this allow all the feelings to come for however you feel is exactly how you are supposed to feel: angry, sad, wistful, nostalgic, ...little bit lost and off center for awhile nothing in this world make ya feel more like a lost little girl then losing your Daddy |
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Tomorrow it's been two weeks since my dad passed away. Why is it always late at night, right before bed, that it hits you? Pfff ... PRobably because I keep myself (too?) busy during the day, so I don't (have to) think about it. But right before bed I don't want to think about it. I guess I better take some more time during the day ... Difficult stuff. No one can really tell you how to process it, and you don't get to practice it very often (thank goodness!!!). So it's learning by doing. Am I suppressing it or am I doing a good 'job' and going through the process well? I don't really know :/ of course we keep busy during the day there is not right or wrong to the grieving process I think in the beginning when it is first so raw ..maybe we can only process it in small amounts so it comes over us in waves...then retreats for a bit and our brain says...do something else for awhile so while we listen to music or go for a walk or journal or ride a bike or even walk through the grocery store we are seeing the normalcy of life all around us the trees, the sky, children playing, birds chirping I think it helps us to heal |
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So very sorry, ((((Crystal))))
 
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Thank you, Peggy, and thank you for sharing your story! I don't think I've felt anger. Numb, yes, it was quite a shock, he passed away completely out of the blue. Sorrow too. And tears of course. Thing is, I've been listening to Abraham Hicks for months on end, and he keeps saying that we all fear 'croaking' (dying) so much, yet if we'd know how beautiful it is to become whole again (one with your entire being/soul), we'd all want to 'croak' today! Now I wasn't listening to Abraham Hicks (channeled via Esther Hicks) to hear about 'croaking', but all kinds of subjects are addressed so you just come across it. But I really do believe he's right. I've seen my dad, he looked so at peace! Seeing him that way, filled me with peace too, and gave me instant acceptance. It is okay. He's okay. He's at peace. Seeing him that way has helped me a lot. Because of that, I managed to do my speech at his service. My entire body was trembling, my hands were shaking, tears in my eyes. But my voice was steady, loud and clear. It filled me with great joy that I was able to do that for my dad. What remains is, that in spite of my acceptance and knowing it's okay, I still have lost my dad in this life. And all the memories that come up, especially the first week. Unreal. Hundreds, thousands of memories. Mostly childhood memories. Waking up in the morning with songs from the service in my head. His fave songs. So it's like going back and forth between accepting, as in really accepting, and sorrow. Dang, gotta cry now. I totally relate... It's very disorienting to be full to overflowing with love and memories in your heart, while simultaneously feeling the ravenous yearning that the loss of a loved one leaves . I'm so sorry you are going through this  I hope the collective love of your dad, your family and your friends envelops you like a warm blanklet in your moments of solitude  |
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Tomorrow it's been two weeks since my dad passed away. Why is it always late at night, right before bed, that it hits you? Pfff ... PRobably because I keep myself (too?) busy during the day, so I don't (have to) think about it. But right before bed I don't want to think about it. I guess I better take some more time during the day ... Difficult stuff. No one can really tell you how to process it, and you don't get to practice it very often (thank goodness!!!). So it's learning by doing. Am I suppressing it or am I doing a good 'job' and going through the process well? I don't really know :/ of course we keep busy during the day there is not right or wrong to the grieving process I think in the beginning when it is first so raw ..maybe we can only process it in small amounts so it comes over us in waves...then retreats for a bit and our brain says...do something else for awhile so while we listen to music or go for a walk or journal or ride a bike or even walk through the grocery store we are seeing the normalcy of life all around us the trees, the sky, children playing, birds chirping I think it helps us to heal Yes, I think you're right. That's exactly what it's like, seeing the normalcy of life, enjoying it, yet it still hits you every now and then. Thing is, I didn't see or speak to him every day of course, so in a way it's easy to forget he's passed away. Then suddenly it hits me that he won't ever phone again, because he's gone. And yeah ... girls and their dads... always kinda special, isn't it! My dad and I have always been really close. We could clash like you wouldn't believe, but we loved each other to bits. |
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@ Thank you, MellMax!
@ Thanks, (((Peggy)))
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Remember this much Crystal.
It is only his body that has died. His spirit and wisdom is with you and always will be. He'll always be by your side when you need him
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I can remember after my mom died
I had only been married for couple years I was in my early twenties had a toddler to take care of.. my world felt like it was turned upside down she was my center.. how could I learn to be a mother without my own here to guide the way? how would my children ever know this tiny, fierce, loyal loving, strong woman who raised me? I spent days on end cycling between crying fits to outright anger to standing around in a daze feeling like a zombie but ..I also had a little boy pulling on my pant leg that needed my attention..thank god for that and I was living in a cottage next to a lake and woods at that time so each day I would dress him in his little boots and jacket and out into the woods we would go to find wild flowers or a tadpole or to see what moss looks like growing on a tree I know that is what saved me and healed me but it took a very long time I have the scars to prove it |
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Edited by
SparklingCrystal 💖💎
on
Tue 04/05/16 02:46 PM
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@ Thanks Joe!
@ TMommy .. that is actually a beautiful story about your process! Big hug for you! Must have been real hard to lose your mom at an young age
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3 months later ... doing well, but sometimes I seem to forget that it still is a process that will take some time.
Sometimes I feel I have to cry, but just can't. Then there's something that triggers it, et voila, all sluices open! This afternoon it got triggered by the photo album I'm making for my sister, all the old pictures of my dad as a young lad. And suddenly I felt like, "Is this just it? Is this all that my dad's been reduced to? Pictures on paper, a book?" And dang, did I cry! I repeated the bawling my eyes out bit when his wife phoned me later on. Feel better now, it had to come out, occasionally it just does. |
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I have my arms to hug if needed
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