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| Topic: RED FLAGS FOR RELATIONSHIP DISASTER | |
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Edited by
Dodo_David
on
Tue 08/02/16 05:50 PM
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As a Melmacian, I always check the other person's "Wanted" posters for red flags.
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Edited by
peggy122
on
Tue 08/02/16 05:57 PM
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Talking bad about their ex Money hang ups Excessive talking or interrupting with their story Cell phone off at night only when visiting the kids and in the same town as the ex (when normal phone is never off) Vacationing with their ex wife when they have adult age children together as a family Cell phone practices and boundaries are probably one of the greatest red flag indicators in dating Blueeyed2020  And I can understand that boundaries on relationships with exes are also important, as well the class the person displays in how they refer to their ex. And interjecting habitually when someone is speaking is a good indicater that they dont LISTEN. Well said Blueeyed :) |
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Edited by
peggy122
on
Tue 08/02/16 06:29 PM
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It seems you might be asking "After you've dated and committed to each other, defined a 'relationship,' what are behaviors you consciously investigate and are mindful of to hold against the other person, to give yourself a justified out, all to make sure you protect yourself from even the hint of potential emotional turmoil, like there's dating, there's a relationship, then there's phase 2 of the relationship where the 'real' and 'deep' feelings are, protecting yourself from phase 2." Personally, I try really hard to avoid doing things like that. Perhaps your interpretation of my question was a bit extreme Tom. My question specifically included the phrase of "before you are in too deep (in the relationship), implying that all couples are under a type of probation when they agree to explore a relationship. I dont think any one says yes to a relationship with the immediate intent of commiting to the person for life, without mutually examining if this person has the qualities you are looking for . And the earlier that is determined through observation, is the less time you waste on exploring an ill-fitting relationship, if the person is deemed an unsuitable choice . And I do agree with what you said about questioning why you might have missed red flags in a previous relationship, but you cant even get to that point, until you have identified what those red flags were in the fist place. |
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One of the things that makes me nervous is a guy whose mood or behaviour is frequently inconsistent or unbalanced. (Don't think for a minute that some men aren't every bit as hormonal as some females  Getting along with a temperamental person is really energy draining. His mood swings can make you feel so inadequate. You don.t know where you stand. One moment , he is the most lovable person.... the next moment... it is like being out in the cold. It is like he is having his pms or going through his menopause phase.( Andropause) No.... not going through that anymore. I went through that with someone Eva. The highs are dizzying and empowering, but the lows are devastating and debilitating, and it reaches to the point that you cant even ejoy the awesome highs anymore because you know it can end any second and plummet just as abruptly. I am with you on that one. Get me off this roller coaster ride!!!! |
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Edited by
peggy122
on
Tue 08/02/16 06:43 PM
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not all have little ones
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Edited by
peggy122
on
Tue 08/02/16 06:34 PM
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When he has a little u know lol hehe yes that's bad Some women can cope with it and some women cant. To each , her own Gbaie and slikytanpantyhose :) Welcome to the forum :) |
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Edited by
peggy122
on
Tue 08/02/16 06:37 PM
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The biggest and brightest red flag for me, is to discover that the persons' sense of what is right and wrong, of what is or ins't moral or "nice," is entirely dependent on how pleased they are with events of the moment. Or with whom they are communicating. People who say that lying is terrible, unless you are angry with someone or think less of them, and then it's alright. People who think that cheating is bad, unless their mate isn't pleasing them enough that week. That sort of thing Justifiers. Can't abide Justifiers. Oh yeah Igor! A person's moral compass is crucial, and justifying wrong action to one's convenience inclines them to very flip-floppy standards and behavior |
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When she enters the room wearing a harness.  Who are you trying to fool Maxstersx?  You LIVE for that stuff !
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As a Melmacian, I always check the other person's "Wanted" posters for red flags. Best piece of advice in this thread David:) |
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not all have little ones You are right dham lol Welcome to the forum :) |
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I'm cautious by nature.. having been burned a few times(haven't we all been).. so I usually start looking from the moment we start talking.. I'll ask pertinent questions to see what the answers will be.. then after a few email exchanges I'll revisit the original questions with a slight variation and see if the constancy holds.. I listen to my gut too.. and typically nip it in the bud before we even meet! am I closing myself off to opportunities? perhaps.. but if I see/read/hear things that I know aren't attractive to me.. I figure why waste each others time!?!
Don't get me wrong.. I may be guarded, but I'm not jaded! admittedly though.. I'm a student of human behavior with a degree in psychology.. so I guess I kinda cheat  and probably why I've been single so long
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A penis is a total deal breaker for me.
On a more serious note comparing me to their exes and talking about them excessively. I am an original and do not like to be compared to others. Nor do I want to hear about them all the time. It kinda makes me wonder if a person is ready to be dating at all. Those should be things you put behind you before getting back out there.
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When she enters the room wearing a harness. Who are you trying to fool Maxstersx? You LIVE for that stuff !I was generalizing... 
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I'm cautious by nature.. having been burned a few times(haven't we all been).. so I usually start looking from the moment we start talking.. I'll ask pertinent questions to see what the answers will be.. then after a few email exchanges I'll revisit the original questions with a slight variation and see if the constancy holds.. I listen to my gut too.. and typically nip it in the bud before we even meet! am I closing myself off to opportunities? perhaps.. but if I see/read/hear things that I know aren't attractive to me.. I figure why waste each others time!?! Don't get me wrong.. I may be guarded, but I'm not jaded! admittedly though.. I'm a student of human behavior with a degree in psychology.. so I guess I kinda cheat and probably why I've been single so long Hi Zee  Your point about using your gut is soooooooooo important. We women are always second guessing ourselves , and fighting our instincts, thinking that we always need detailed evidence to validate what our gut is telling us. But sometimes our gut doesnt need that much evidence. It discerns a lot more that we cant see. With age, I think a woman's instinct is her best friend :) |
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I think for me...
I look for can he communicate meaning can he talk as well as listen. Vital to me. Can we laugh together... I also listen to see if he is consistent... In what he tells me... Does the story change, twist or turn... One thing I also look for is in my experience, most people can't tell the same story verbatim and be the truth.. So I look for that, is the story the same just different words. Are they honest with themselves. These are just a few... |
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A penis is a total deal breaker for me. On a more serious note comparing me to their exes and talking about them excessively. I am an original and do not like to be compared to others. Nor do I want to hear about them all the time. It kinda makes me wonder if a person is ready to be dating at all. Those should be things you put behind you before getting back out there. Good point Lionsbrew. No one wants to be compared excessively to an ex , but I do think that a person can unwittingly say or do something , which can involuntarily trigger off negative episodes assciated with their ex, and it requires a high amount of self awareness to reign in those connflicting thoughts and energies. Alot of people lack that ability and actually require professional counselling to keep it in check. |
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When she enters the room wearing a harness. Who are you trying to fool Maxstersx? You LIVE for that stuff ! I was generalizing...  
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I think for me... I look for can he communicate meaning can he talk as well as listen. Vital to me. Can we laugh together... I also listen to see if he is consistent... In what he tells me... Does the story change, twist or turn... One thing I also look for is in my experience, most people can't tell the same story verbatim and be the truth.. So I look for that, is the story the same just different words. Are they honest with themselves. These are just a few... Consistency in words and deeds, honesty with themselves which requires self awareness and strong communication- All crucial things to look out for in any emerging relationship .Well said Sitka!
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Calls or text messages around the same time daily
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