Because the grass tickles their... toes.

In chess which piece can only move diagonally?

The Board

Why are bats blind?

Because they sit too close to the tv as youngsters and just ruin their eyes.

How do you make a Salty Dog drink?

You give the sailor anything with alcohol in it.

When is the wrong time for making whoopee?

When Burger King is closed.

Oh... I thought you said Whoppers.

What is in Screaming Yellow Zonkers?

live yellow viper snakes.



Which direction do Milky Ways go?

In whatever direction the trick-or-treaters take them.

Is it possible to be happy, free, confused, lonely, miserable and magical at the same time?

Yes. Your describing EVERY woman on this planet. They're ALL nuts!

Why are most guys such aholes?

Because they don't get enough sunshine???



What is the greatest song of all time?

Justin Bieber - Baby

What is the best fruit?

Fruit Loops!



At what age are you too old to get a Happy Meal?

40. That's when you hit the wall and can no longer be happy.

Why did John Denver die?

Because life is unfair.

What is his song "Annie's Song" about?

About his prostitute daughter.

What is his song country roads about?

His experiences driving cross country with Breaking Good.

How much servings of fruits and vegetables should people eat each day?

"The square root of negative one," says ...




Have you taken your meds yet?

No. But I did take your meds.



What are carrots good for?

Coffee stirrers!


What do elephants do for fun?

They sneak up behind mice and scare them!

Who does Mickey Mouse have a crush on?

Pikachu, but it's a little scandalous so don't tell anyone, ok?

How do glow sticks glow?