Geeez...........


How's that for shooting from the hip???

Yep....predator and prey game..

I have kids..

I don't want to date a woman with kids...

I will have sex with you knowing you wont date me cause I have kids...

I will have sex with you, cause you know I don't want to date you, because you have kids...

I will reel you in, when I want a bit, and I will flick you off, when something better comes along, because I told you I don't date women with kids....


Hello??????

What are you thinking????

Yeah... sounds like a booty call... and if you mention it to him he's just gonna say "well I told you from the beginning..." yadda yadda yadda.


See? He KNOWS that he's leading you on. But he uses technicality to justify it.


Don't let him do that...


When he's asleep... go take a dump on his front porch...

The next time he wants to get together with you, Tell him you want to go somewhere with him and your child. Like a park for picnic or better yet , tell him you want him to g with you and your child to the
(dare I say it?)
Mall for some shopping.
If a man will go to the mall with a woman and her child, it's more than a "booty Call"
( sorry guys, I broke the rules telling a woman the truth but that's just the way I am )

I actually have a LOT of doubt there has been any thought about the child by either party. Once the human organism crosses over the line of physical pleasure, the hormones take over, and all the organism is going to think about is how great the pleasure was, and how to get some more of the same.

Any rational thought will be easily suppressed in search of the next hormonal "fix"... thus I say... no, there has not been any additional thought about the child between these two at all.

The facts they are denying are this:

1) he had negative thoughts about kids, I'd like to amplify this statement to what he "might" say to friends and relative "I hate kids"... this is a fact, and is being caught in denial to serve the flesh

2) she has kid(s) and has heard him speak the truth about his attitude towards kids, thus is living in denial about what he said, not accepting the fact as truth, but therefore living some fairy tale dream of the opposite so she can get laid, or hold hands, or whatever "crossing the line" means.

Hormones are a very strong force that will drive the human body to do many things it would not normally do in rational thought.

He has not changed his inner beliefs about children. To think he is going to "change" is foolish. But it is foolishness founded in biological fact. The fact that hormones will try to get you as close to the mating ritual as possible, even if it means to give up on your inner values to do so... it goes both ways here. The guy is not 100% at fault. Women have the same and similar drives, and that is what brings people together in a relationship. Putting all the blame on the guy... in that some here are blaming him cause he wants to get laid... is not correct... SHE wants to get laid, or whatever "the line" is... or she would have not give in or give up on her own set of values as a mother.

In effect, she is NOT considering this child's well being in that she is making a choice here towards a man that has already plainly stated he doesn't like children. In so denying this stated fact, she is preparing the child for a big let down if the relationship does foster into something more invovled... and the child then realizes this man hates kids, which will result in rejection for the child on down the road.

In my view, they need to stay the hell away from each other, if not for their own heart's sake, but for the best interest of the child involved.

Why doesn't she find some guy that loves kids? Does she also hate her kid that much that she wants to bring a man home that hates kids the same?

Its all about the hormones... all of this blanket effect of denial is what the body does in order to get more sex. Plain and simple. It works the same in both males and females. Its chemistry and biology and anatomy. Learn these things about yourself, and be more successful in the future toward relationships.

Both parties are to blame for allowing themselves to get to "this level."

The man is NOT the only seducer in these issues. Women also let off seduction and will attempt to attract the man... it works both ways.

"A booty call"... is a BS way to post the blame 100% on the guy...

It works 50-50... both individuals want it... so its a booty call on her, too... she is chasing after him just like he is chasing after her.

Now the hormones are involved, and the kid is thrown out with the bathwater so the two can get sex or whatever.

Meanwhile the immovable facts exist, which prescribe ultimate failure:

1) he hates kids

2) she has kids

And the hormones make them blind in the process...

Until... one day down the road the honeymoon effect of the hormones wears off, the two wake up next to each other and reality hits (he hates kids, she has kids) and thus the battle begins in incompatibility.

One reason a higher school of thought remains to wait until much later to involve yourself sexually. In some schools of thought and philosophy, the mating ritual commences after marriage. In those philosophers, they were wise in teaching, because the hormones, possibly not even known of by these ancients, are a very powerful and strong device that are in-born to each human being, as a form of perpetuating the species.

Humans have the ability of reasoning... and that mixed with the hormonal drives... can allow each partner to deny reality during the honeymoon phase of infatuation and desire... and to deny the truth about facts involving children, etc.

My advice would be for this woman to run like hell from this man at work, and to get a life that involves social contact outside of work. And to learn some things about her body that concern the chemistry of hormonal influences that take effect when the sexual drive is initiated.

TM

I think there is a misconception on here... its as if some folks want to post the blame to the man in that they accuse him of some kind of "booty call"... this is just plain BS...

BOTH parties are to be responsible for their own actions.

The woman with the kid is in denail over the guy that doesn't want kids... pretty plain and simple...

She's leading him on by denying the truth about her having a kid

He is leading her on by making further advances even after admitting he doesn't like kids...

BOTH are to blame, not just one party...

Why is it men are always the bad guys, and women aren't accountable for their own actions.

As I have said, the HORMONES are to blame on both parts. Once you ignite the flame of the sexual drive, the hormones take over to ensure there is further pleasures, and the mind can be dulled in both cases to deny the truth in order to obtain the pleasure.

Simple biology, really. And a study on how the human body works in the real-world.

Its not some conspiracy theory on the man to take advantage of the woman just for sex.

The woman gets sex, too... and her body has hormones that will dull her thinking just the same.

So get off the BS "booty call" crap, people...

All relationships have 2 sides...

I don't agree at all... I think the hormonal drives are powerful enough to dull the mind enough to do ANYTHING to get to the sexual drive function. On both parties.

Doesn't matter if they walk through the mall dressed up like clowns or Santa Claus... the body will tell them both to hit the sack again, because that is where the ultimate pleasure, and endorphin release exists.

The basic truth is... he doesn't like kids, and she has kids, and the two of them are living in denial to this truth.

It will end up in bitterness and rejection after the thrill of getting laid wears off... then by that time the child's feelings will be involved... and the two will split... the child feels the rejection of yet another man... and for that the mother is to be blamed... she saw it coming like a freight train, but wasn't in control of her own emotions and sexual drives enough to take care of her child... thus, she lets the child get run over by a man who hates kids... thats her fault... not the man's fault.

Its actually an easy equation.

They are not compatible. Yet, living in denial of the truth in the selfishness to get laid. And the kid's feelings or thoughts are not taken into consideration by either party.

All of this for sex... jeesh...

Your missing the point I'm trying to make, if he is intrested in her now, he will do thngs with he and her child. If he backs out on doing things with both of them, then it's just a sex thing.

I understand what you are saying and I think you are right.

What I am thinking is that the hormonal influence could be strong enough to do just about anything to get back to the bedroom, including putting up with a walk through the mall with the kid.

Renee,

Your profile states you are looking for a man for dating.
Since when does dating someone give him any responsibility of your child,

Your child is yours and the fathers responsibity, not a person you are dating

Of course if you are looking for a long term relationship, THEN MAKE SURE THATS VERY CLEAR IN YOUR PROFILE. Otherwise dating couples can have seperate homes and just date frequently.

I just dont get it, then women ask y men dont want to date women with children DUH????

mike,she didn't meet the guy here.she said she works with him,so he ain't gonna know what her profile says.


so a guy can't have sex with a girl without her thinking it's just a booty call?sheesh...

Okay guys...simmer down...first of all, I agree with a little of what everyone is saying. Maybe I should've used a better term than "booty call". But basically that is what it is. To him, I am a girl who he doesn't have a desire to be in a relationship with, but feels it's okay to give me a call to hang out and "hook up". So, on that note, it would be a booty call. But - I'm not dissing him for that, I'm an adult, if I choose to respond to that call, I know what I'm getting myself into. Now...TelephoneMan...I took everything you said in, and think you have a lot of good points. But you struck a tiny nerve about my daughter. I am not running around with this guy who "hates" kids and not thinking any about her. And let me just say, he does not "hate" kids(hate is a very strong word, theres a difference between hating and not being ready). He doesn't want the responsibility of one. Which MikeCom...when I had the conversation with this guy, about where we stood, and he said he couldnt handle that responsibility etc. I told him she was MY responsibility and no one elses. I would never make her anyone elses. So back to TM - you can't help who you develop feelings for, just because I became interested in a guy I work with does not mean I'm socially retarded I'm not going to spend too much time defending myself on this one, because I have a feeling it will be pointless, but him and I are the same age...we have mutual friends outside of work, and ending up become friends outside of work. And one thing led to another. I get out plenty - as much as I can being a mother. So, that's that.

So anyway, if anyone would like an update on what is going on...I only got together with him the one time, and yes it was not the best choice, but people do stupid things on a daily basis. However, we have remained friends, even better now than before, and he's really been there for me right now with some problems that have arised recently. I haven't brought up anything to him again about what this and that meant. I'm going to let things happen naturally. He is the one missing out in the end. So if he is by chance confused and maybe changing his mind, then great, if not we will be friends and I'm okay with that also...and I will meet the guy who is right for me.

I would take him very seriously on not wanting the responsibility of a child. That said the sex can be just because he finds you attractive. Be very careful getting too attached as he has voiced his own feelings. Good Luck

HollyRenee

you have absolutely no reason to defend yourself you seem
to be a wonderful person and caring Mom!

but if you are really looking for a good relationship then
focus energy on a guy who loves kids and really wants to share
the experience of parenting with you!!

there are many of us out there and i'm sure you deserve this
wonderful experience.

date whomever you like! it is your life to experience and enjoy and cultivate. best of luck to you and your family.

When someone says they don't want kids involved...
and you have children...

I would HOPE you run as fast as possible in the other direction.
For the sake of your children.
BOOTY CALL IS ALL IT WAS...
What were you thinking???

I agree Dragoness...thanks for the comment I think as a lot of people posted...I was in denial of what he said. Girls will be girls, we always convince our minds of whatever we want to think is true lol. But, we'll see what happens, and try to not let my feelings get attatched.

MsTeddy... I don't know if I can completely agree with you. And I'm going to try to reply without sounding ignorant and naieve. I should have threw up the okay nice to know you, goodbye flag when he said he couldn't handle the responsibility of a child at the moment. But, on the other hand, we've been friends for 2 years. I never had any feelings for him until recently. So when he told me he was interested in me but didn't think he could handle the responsibility of a child, I wasn't going to just stop being friends with him. So we continued to hang out. And then that's when the "hook up" came about.

And, everyone keeps saying for the sake my child, or I'm involving her in this, etc. She is in no way involved at the moment. She has not met him, she doesn't know mommy is hanging out with a guy. She is 2, she goes to her fathers every other weekend and I do what I do. And if by some odd crazy chance, this guy and I became an item and he decided he wanted to try it out. I have confidence that he would be great with her. I don't know first hand because he has not met her, I don't believe in bringing guys into my daughters life, I only think that would confuse her. But I have seen him interact with children, he's very close with his nephews, and he's great. I just think with his career and age, he doesn't feel ready for that in his life. So, overall, this is not affecting my daughter one bit. It only affects him and I.

S1owhand thanks for the comment. I know theres plenty of good guys who are ready to jump in and be great to me and my child. I just don't ever end up meeting them. Guess I'll keep looking

Holly.. you are a good lady.. I don't like the thing he said about your child.. what kind of Man really can't be around a kid? I love kids.. I hang out with them.. they are great! You are too great of a lady.. to ever put yourself in a position that you are in.. If he isn't man enough to be with you for who you are.. and respect that you have a child, then I don't think he is too much of a man at all.. Sorry, you know I love ya... I just don't want you to get hurt Holly..

P.S. Your still not amazing...

i think after two years you should have some idea of how you think things should go just dont push for a commitment if he,s intrested in you he will comit himself but if not its always good to ahave a true friend of the oppossite sex

When I post stuff, I tend to post any and all ideas from all angles. At least with the given information provided.

Anything I've wrote so far was intended to bless you, or to make you stop and think. I also didn't know the age of your daughter, or the situation in that she has and may never meet this guy. That does change things, but still I think you need to be cautious allowing this man to get very close.

I don't pull any punches when giving advice. I think its better that way than hiding ideas that might actually help. This is a safe place to type ideas, and a safe place to come for advice... chances are you'll never meet 9/10ths of the people here, so anything posted here will be forgotten in a few days or a few weeks...

Just know that I took my time out of my day to help you... even if you got offended, maybe somebody needed to say it... I didn't post to offend, my motives are sincere... I don't want to see you get hurt, etc.

But sometimes pain and pleasure have their trade off's I guess.

Also, I may not have the same values as you. I don't feel casual sex is something I would like to pursue, but that differs person to person. Its going to change your friendship with him, no doubt about it... and you may or may not ever "do it" again... who knows... maybe it was one night of weakness... happens all the time.

You're a big girl, and can take care of yourself, but here we are, finding ourselves in a forum where we can talk openly about these things. I am thankful for that freedom.

Justyn - thanks, i know you got my back
and stop trying to deny that you think im absolutely amazing!! You just need to be honest with yourself

Bluewaterphil - I would think after 2 years things would be clear as well. But it has just been recently that either of us even thought of dating or hanging out. We've always just been friends. Pretty much just aquaintances at work for the first year. But I definately wouldn't push comittment. I don't like looking like one of those obsessed girls that can't let go. So I'm definately just going to let things happen naturally.

TM - Like I said before, I sincerely appreciated everything you've said and advised. I just sometimes get defensive, and felt like you may have misunderstood some of what the situation was as far as my daughter being involved etc. So, thank you for all of your advice and I have taken a lot of it to consideration, and it helped me blow him off this weekend so I could concentrate on myself and being with my daughter. So, please keep giving any advice you have, I appreciate everyones words