I'm not sure if it's my age, because I'm 43 years old and growing up relationships were real, but now it just seems like everybody is sleeping with everybody no matter how good they have it at home. I actually am scared to give a woman 100% because I feel at some point she will stray away. Am I wrong for holding this wall up when it comes to trust?

Tis a slippery slope friend.
You are wary from experience.

All I can say is, I remember a very old man,
interviewed towards the end of his life and
he was asked if he had any regrets in his
100 years.

He paused and then said that he regretted ONLY
the things he had not done, but NONE of the
things he had.

So you very well could lose someone through..
disaffection, among many other of life's surprises.

Can't stop living..in anticipation.

A PERSON'S CORE VALUE SYSTEM IS VERY IMPORTANT, IT CAN KEEP US AND OTHERS SAFE

FROM HARM.....STD'S ARE VERY REAL...THERE ARE A LOT OF GOOD HEALTHY

RELATIONSHIPS OUT THERE YOU JUST DO NOT HEAR ABOUT THEM.....TO HAVE A HEALTHY

RELATIONSHIP THAT WILL GROW GOOD SOCIAL SKILLS ARE A MUST...1..LIKE REFLECTIVE

LISTENING, BEING ABLE TO TELL THE OTHER PERSON WHAT YOU THINK THEY ARE SAYING

WITH OUT BEING JUDGMENTAL OR CRITICAL...2.EVEN THOUGH YOU MAY DISAGREE LET

THEM KNOW ITS OK TO THINK THAT WAY....3..ASK IF THERE IS MORE TO IT THAN JUST

THAT ONE ISSUE..4..ACKNOWLEDGE THERE FEELINGS, EMPATHY IS THE BEST GLUE EVER

FOR BONDING TWO PEOPLE.....GOOD LUCK.......

The first thing to realize, is that it isn't the women you see as possible mates, who are creating your distrust. It's other women who you aren't attracted to, doing that, with your help, because you haven't figured out how to determine before you commit yourself emotionally, what kind of person you are dealing with.

Frankly, that's the real reason for a lot of the old conservative-type ideas come from, for mate hunting. Things like taking time and working gradually to get to know someone before leaping into bed with them, or giving them money and all your online passwords.

IMO that's not really true.
"Growing up" you were a kid and your parents and adults kept things from you. Like their adult relationships.

I highly doubt your mom or dad ever said "Okay, son, I'm off to cheat," or, "I'm off to see my FWB, we're going to have sex until 11 or so, I should be back by midnight," or, "Okay neighbors kid, I haven't had sex with my spouse for 16 months and they're being horrible and I'm frustrated, I'm thinking of going to a club and just nailing some random person," or, "Okay class! Settle down. Today we're going to do a report on this thing I did last week called 'opening up our marriage,'" or, "I'm so glad your parents allowed you to visit us this christmas, you're the best grandkid in the world, want to play monopoly or talk about grandpa/grandma and the 20 year on-the-side relationship they've had with their true love but stuck around me because they got me pregnant one night 43 years ago?"

Relationships are as "real" now as they've ever been.
Since you're not a kid anymore, people just don't keep their BS to themselves around you, you're around more than just your immediate family and their relationship facades, and in general want your approval for the stupid crap they do.

You can't adequately compare things when you were "growing up" to now, at least when it comes to emotionally subjective social issues like relationships.
At best it's romanticizing, nostalgia, emotionally masturbating, "remember when..."

Might as well say "when growing up, rainbows and unicorns were more real, and people were happy when I talked about them, but now that I am 43, and went to meteorological and zoology school, it seems people don't worship and idealize them as much as they should."



What do you expect.
Sex has been disconnected from procreation, the process of actual love development, and sought for the sake of pleasure.

Might as well say "now it just seems like everybody is eating at restaurants and junk food, no matter how good of a nutritionist chef they have at home."


IMO that's never really a choice you can consciously make.
If you think you can, then you're ultimately a control freak, and would not be able to do so anyway without causing a lot of personal problems for yourself.

IMO it's kinda like saying "I actually am scared to give up being afraid 100%."

IMO it's only really in hindsight whether or not you were giving 100% to someone.

At best you can simply take it a situation at a time. "I'm going to give 100% of myself to getting along with her parents during christmas. I'm going to give 100% of myself to getting a better job this year so I can give my wife and I a better life."

But "I am going to give a woman 100%" as an absolute blanket thing, that's just not possible.

You don't get to choose whether or not you commit to someone, not really.
You will organically and naturally commit to someone.
At best you get the veto option to change your mind to not live up to how you've organically emotionally bonded to them.


Not as long as you're truly honest with yourself about why you hold "this wall up when it comes to trust."

Unless someone is doing something specific that you know about causing you to do something, then the reason for you doing something is never the fault or responsibility of someone else.
You are doing it for your own selfish reasons.

You aren't "holding this wall up when it comes to trust" because of "women," and what they seem to do. It's because you want to protect yourself, because you're scared of being hurt, or you simply don't want to really be in a relationship, you just want the perks but want something you can use to get you out after sex.
e.g. "I'm a 'good' person. I don't sleep around. I don't one night stand. Like my parents taught me, monogamy! Treat a girl with respect, true real love. Oh no! I keep meeting these women that I get into relationships with, like I'm supposed to since I see myself as a 'good' guy, but then I find some reason not to trust them...after we've had or been having sex, with enough of a time buffer so I can rationalize that I'm not dumping them after sex. But it's they're fault! They aren't trustworthy!"
Or just "I'm scared of talking to strangers, don't want to spend money, just want to get laid, don't know how to get what I want, so start telling myself it's their fault because they can't be trusted."

Not really their fault, purely selfish motives.
Not because "women" did something, but because you're afraid of something or avoiding something.
Has nothing to do with them, they are simply the justification you are using to do what you really want to do, while escaping responsibility for doing it.

Easier to pick and choose examples and anecdotes that prove you right and allow you to continue doing what you're doing than try to stop lying to yourself, see yourself as you really are which would force change.