You are free to add or not add as many or as few poats as you like tom. It's nice to see you either way :)

I agree MsH. this is a very subjective topic, Everyone has to define their own priorities , boundaries, negotiables and non negotiables.

And you added an important variable which I hadn't considered ie the status of dating vs marriage. In the dating phase, Im screening out the people who dont inspire me to love PHENOMENALLY

By the time Im married, I already belief this person is worth a certain degree of compromise, as long as the compromise does not involve my health, safety , values and self worth

If a person's flaw outweighs all the positive things about them, then they are weak in an area that you deem fundamental to your welfare and happiness. It makes total sense to me that you would let a romantic prospect like that go.

What I will add though, is that we, who are quick to find faults in our mates, are not as easy to deal with as we like to believe. Ideally we need partners who can put up with our crap as we do the same for them, And Im speaking in general here doc, and to myself as well :)

Yeah Twin. There are some people who inspire us to love them in the most profound ways. We wont compromise our self worth, values or health/safety, but we are inspired by them enough to look past their major flaw in favor of their attributes. This cant work for everyone obviously. To each, his own :)

In general I agree with you Pstar, but one major flaw does not necessarily equate a bad relationship, but if it does, then it makes sense to leave .

My response for you Mptown, is similar to the one I gave to Pstar

Welcome to the forum Meganmarie :)

I was thinking about this after observing some couples this weekend.
In various situations and locations.

What I saw was all people have different thresholds of what they will and can't tolerate.

Knowing your own truths going into a relationship will have a lot to do with what you will be able to look past and what will drive you right over the edge sooner or later.

What is always more obvious in family settings is if you really don't like how someone's parents or siblings behave in a few years ahead that is likely what you are looking forward too.

It is easy to let stuff pass in the flush of passion or even relief of finally escaping "singledom" which Still has great stigma and is harder than surviving as a more or less functioning partnership.

This seems to be particularly true when family pressure is applied but I doubt that is the only pressure.

Sadly many children are often stuck in broken relationships when it is well past in their best interest. Or never was in the first place.

What was glaringly obvious to me was how ineffectual many people are at communicating by words or actions how they felt about things to others were doing.

Specifically re-enforceing the behavior they wanted with praise, respect, hospitality, and attention.

And making poor behavior clearly known as unacceptable by saying so FIRST on a discreet level and if necessary in a more public way. If possible by not making a big drama out of it. Some people sole goal is to be as obnoxious as they can get away with. And when people keep peace at all costs they actually make themselves part of the problem.

Or doing it round about by talking behind the "offenders" back so they "hear it" later; usually when it is bundled with other beefs and to late to do better. This is particularly unfair to children but happens a lot.

What was really obvious that negative re-enforcement almost always made the behavior worse.

As did what is sometimes misunderstood as positive re-enforcement when people laugh at, ignore, or even temporarily endure poor behavior and later never tell the offender why they ate excluded.
.

i do think there are no perfect relationships it would just be two imperfect people doing their best to stay together for the major reason that the happiness the relationship brings outweighs all the flaws and issues that at most times never goes away.